The Art Of Creation with Brooke Nesbitt

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Jeff Nesbitt: Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of Ramble by the River.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm your host, Jeff Nesbitt. And we've got a great show for you today.

Jeff Nesbitt: It is either December 31st or January 1st. So it's either new year's Eve or new year's day. So happy new year to you wherever you're at.

Jeff Nesbitt: Boy,: 2022

Jeff Nesbitt: And we just now live in this bizarro land. It's okay.

Uh, give you a little bit of [: 00:01:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. So from the Seattle times, invasive European green crabs found for sale at Seattle market. Not good.

th,: 2022

Jeff Nesbitt: Officials have confiscated and destroyed 30 pounds of an invasive species of crab found at a Seattle market. The Seattle seller had bought the live green crabs from a seller in Massachusetts with the intention of selling them for crab, stock and soup. According to the Washington department of fish and wildlife.

he crabs were European green [: 00:02:00

Jeff Nesbitt: The European green crabs are not currently found in central or south Puget sound. And officials say that they should not be introduced anywhere in the state. The species poses, a threat to native shellfish, eel grass and habitats that are critical for salmon.

Jeff Nesbitt: Invasive species sold for food or fishing bait are sometimes released intentionally or unintentionally. And are known to be among the causes of their spread in other states and regions officials said.

Jeff Nesbitt: In January, governor Jay Inslee issued an emergency proclamation that directed the states, fish and wildlife department to prevent the crabs from establishing themselves in the state permanently. There was a major population growth in the Lemy nations C pond. Macabe grace Harbor and Willapa Bay.

reen crabs have been removed [: 00:03:00

Jeff Nesbitt: European green crabs have been in coastal estuaries of Willapa Bay and grays Harbor for more than a decade. They have also been found near Vancouver island and off the coast of Oregon. In 2016, they were first discovered in Washington's inland waters.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. So I've talked about green crabs on here before actually last episode because ed Dodger, who was our guest last week, shadowed at Dodger friend of the show. He is the green crab guy. In Willapa Bay. And he's the one who pretty much got the program running here. He brought the attention of the fish and wildlife department.

Jeff Nesbitt: To the problem. And got the funding and all that. So. We talked about that a little bit and yeah, green crab. They're a major problem. You can't really eat them. I mean people do, but you have to, if you're going to do them like a blue crab, the way they do soft shell. You got to catch them right after they molt. And you have like a 24 hour window. So if you don't.

Jeff Nesbitt: Have them with you. You're not going to catch them in that 24 hours.

f Nesbitt: Because you can't [: 00:04:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Creating a market for them. So I think the most important thing is just to trap and get rid of as many of them as possible and hope for the best.

Jeff Nesbitt: In other local news. Another article from the Seattle times. What motivated the Pacific Northwest substation attacks. Published today at 6:00 AM. This one's by how Burton and Sydney brownstone

the oxygen concentrator that [: 00:05:00

Jeff Nesbitt: The next lot over a Puget sound energy electrical substation was dark. The constant hum of power had ceased. There was nothing, no movement, no people. Henkel recalled. The substation near span away was one of four tucked into forest neighborhoods in east Pierce county struck by sabotage on Sunday, which left more than 30,000 customers, at least briefly without power.

Jeff Nesbitt: According to new information from Puget sound, energy and Tacoma power. These attacks followed six others in November four in Washington and two in Oregon. That have once again, stoked concerns about the security of the regions grid as local law enforcement officials and the FBI try to determine who's responsible and the motives behind the destruction.

AM and shut off power [: 00:06:00

Jeff Nesbitt: That was near cap post. about 7:20 PM. As power company officials already had swarmed into Pierce county that knocked out power to 15,000 customers with most restored in about an hour, but 500 had to wait 16 hours according to PSE. Sergeant Darren Moss, a spokesperson for the Pierce county Sheriff's department says Sunday incidents could be the work of one person or of a group.

Jeff Nesbitt: We can't confirm that, but obviously we're going to look into it that way. Four of them in one day on Christmas day, that screams, I want to make a point. What point do they want to make? I don't know. He said.

us power grid. One unresolved: 2013

Jeff Nesbitt: It also led to a new national standard. They called for increased protections, according to the 2018 congressional research service report. That report said security remains a work in progress. In recent years, several federal cases have highlighted the continued attraction of the grid to extremists.

Jeff Nesbitt: In: 2019

Jeff Nesbitt: Denying the request for sentence reduction.

Jeff Nesbitt: Let's see, I'm skipping a little forward, a little bit. Wow. This is a long article. Damn.

ried out descriptions of the [: 00:08:00

Jeff Nesbitt: We have evolved and increased our security measures and we'll continue to do so. PSE in a written statement said that. The California incident highlighted the importance of security and that it continues to invest an extensive amount of monitoring and protection measures.

Jeff Nesbitt: All right. That seems like we get the gist of it. Somebody attacked our power grid on Christmas. What a Dick.

Jeff Nesbitt: But it does bring about a good point. We need to think about vulnerabilities like that because what happens when there's no wifi? And everything's digital. What happens when there's no internet period? What happens when there's no electricity? We can't use hot water. What happens when there's a massive blizzard and thousands of people are without power?

Jeff Nesbitt: People start to die. So this stuff is important. It's good that they're thinking about it.

Jeff Nesbitt: Moving on.

ocial media, you can find us [: 00:09:00

Jeff Nesbitt: You can also find a lot of good stuff like the most recent episode and links to our entire catalog. At Ramble by the River dot com.

Jeff Nesbitt: My guest today is the lovely Brooke Nesbitt.

Jeff Nesbitt: Brooke is married to my brother and she is the mother of my niece and nephew. So she stopped by and we had a good chat about parenting and healing and personal growth and all kinds of stuff. It was a very good conversation and I hope you enjoy it. But before we get to that, a quick word from our sponsor.

Jeff Nesbitt: [: 00:10:00

Jeff Nesbitt: There's a service called Patreon Patreon.com. And if you go to Patreon.com/ Ramble by the River, you will find Ramble by the rivers premium offerings.

to a community of listeners. [: 00:12:00

Jeff Nesbitt: And it's a nice shirt, it's a good deal. And it's a place where you can actually take part in this whole program by supporting the show, helping me to make it by just throwing a couple bucks in a bucket. I really appreciate it. It makes it possible for me to do things like add music that I actually pay for licensing to use and I use good software. I have good equipment and I'm trying to make a really good quality show.

related note, um, Cooper, I [: 00:13:00

Jeff Nesbitt: To become a member and just go to Ramble by the River dot com. Click subscribe at the top of the page, and it'll bring you right to the landing page on Patreon, where you can select a subscription level and start listening today. If you enjoy the episode today, don't forget to like it, share it, do something to make it happen that other people can find it. I really appreciate it.

Jeff Nesbitt: Moving on.

d thoughtful Brooke Nesbitt. [: 00:14:00

Jeff Nesbitt: [00:00:00] Part of my, uh, birth plan when Amelia was born. Yeah. Like, you know how you design a birth plan where you do, uh, middle class white people. I think I saved it. And I'm gonna get your mic set up. Wow.

Brooke Nesbitt: This is like, um, I'm listening to you in my car.

Brooke Nesbitt: what

Jeff Nesbitt: should I be looking for? Okay, so the wave form coming through, see how as it gets louder, it'll pop up bigger.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. , those are still really good. Anywhere in the range between the middle line and then on yours will be at, on the top, so, oh, okay.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yours will come up right here. Right, right.

Jeff Nesbitt: Why don't you tell me about your morning so far, so while I can get you, so I can get you dialed in.

Brooke Nesbitt: Oh, my morning. God, what did we do

Jeff Nesbitt: today? Or really anything? Tell me a story. Oh, recite a poem. Okay. I just need to hear you talk and about the same distance you will.

Brooke Nesbitt: Okay. Well we got a Christmas tree today.

so bad at on the spot stuff. [: 00:01:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, that's, it just needs to be noise. Just needs to be sound.

Brooke Nesbitt: Um, oh, birth plan. Yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. So, okay. Yeah. This is the birth plan. And now this is almost five years. This is five years old. Crazy. Yeah, it is crazy, by the way. Happy birthday to Nash.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Big. The big one. One. Yeah. .

Brooke Nesbitt: No, that was great. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, very simple. Basically got a cake at the co-op Papa Murphy's Pizza. Ah, I love Papa Murphy's. I mean, two pizzas for 19 bucks. It wasn't bad. Can't beat it. And then got a few presents and wham bam. I think one, one is just such a, I mean, I'm just really glad that we all made it

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: Not a lie. That first year is pretty hit. Pretty, uh, touch and go. It

Brooke Nesbitt: is pretty touch and go. So, I'm proud of Jacob and I, I'm proud of

Jeff Nesbitt: Jed. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I'm, she's really stepped up

hg the first, I don't know. [: 00:02:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Gravity.

Jeff Nesbitt: Hyper Mesis. Gra Is that dm. Dm.

Brooke Nesbitt: Well, honestly, every doctor has said it differently. Oh. Every midwife has said it differently. Every nurse has said differently. So

Jeff Nesbitt: that tells me that people aren't talking about it that much. They, no, there's not a lot of conferences going on for HG

Brooke Nesbitt: there. No, there's not a lot of money behind it.

Brooke Nesbitt: All The money is pretty much raised by people who have suffered HG. Hmm. And

Jeff Nesbitt: well that sucks. They're probably kind of tired of thinking about it.

Brooke Nesbitt: It's, yeah. It's funny cuz when I reached out to you to, I wanted to come on here and talk about it, to raise awareness and I thought your platform would be great.

Brooke Nesbitt: Um, I was, I think I was still pregnant with

Jeff Nesbitt: Nash. I think so. And I was Wow. Yeah, it's been a long

talk about it without losing [: 00:03:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. And crying about it. But, um, but yeah, I forgot what we were talking about.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh yeah. We were just talking about birth, giving birth. It's the whole ordeal of that. But yeah. I pulled up the birth plan from when Amelia was born. Uh, leave baby connected as long as possible. I, I actually did my research and like, tried to make

Brooke Nesbitt: this legit.

Brooke Nesbitt: You and Jacob. That is, uh, you

Jeff Nesbitt: boys, uh, drain the umbilical cord blood into the baby. Toward the baby. That was important to me. Okay. Uh, epidural. Yes please. Music. Yes. Gram Tori will sing and uh, play the tambourine for the enjoyment of all guests. . Oh my gosh. Um, aromatherapy. Yes. . Uh, continuous monitoring. Yes. Ivy Fluids. Yes. , if things start to get a little tense, bring Tori back in for round two of the tambourine. Yep. . Um, yeah, I thought that was good. So did Gram Tori do that?

Jeff Nesbitt: No. Well, no. Okay Um, it didn't end up working out. We didn't end up requiring the tambourine. Right. But I think she would. would've great.

Jeff Nesbitt: Solid

Brooke Nesbitt: choice. Yeah. Yeah. Melissa would've loved it.

eah. That's who I really was [: 00:04:00

Brooke Nesbitt: I tried to put my, uh, you know, I tried to think about Jacob in that moment when I gave her twice the first time was much different than the second time.

Brooke Nesbitt: Both good. But, um, it's like, how would it, how would it feel to watch the person that you love the most , like, break in half. That would be so traumatic. . Um,

Jeff Nesbitt: it's awesome though. Yeah. It is. It's a miracle. It is. It is. Hard to watch. But, um, I don't know. I think just in the same way that the female body knows what to do.

ituations where the, the man [: 00:05:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Ambiguity about the role and where masculinity fits. Mm-hmm. , like, you don't have to, it's not a situation like, do I open the door for her or do I not? It's just like, you know what to do. You shut the fuck up, do what you're told, and you stand there and you be supportive and you don't act scared. And that's just what you do.

Jeff Nesbitt: Right, right. And, uh, I loved it. I thought it was great. I bet Jake was good.

Brooke Nesbitt: He, he's so good. The first time was we had like a party, I think there was about six women in my room, not including nurses or doctors. And um, we were outside for like seven hours of the eight hours of my birth. Mm-hmm. .

Brooke Nesbitt: so we did the thing where basically during contraction you collapse and you go limp and let your body write it out. Oh my God. Right. And I'm like laughing in between contractions. Like, I mean, my doula was amazing. She gave us all kinds

o extreme pain with laughing?[: 00:06:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Uh, yep. Actually my therapist called me out on that cuz our first appointment when I was telling her all about my trauma, she's like, you laugh a lot in discomfort,

Jeff Nesbitt: that's somebody with some com, some practice in discomfort, . I'm

Brooke Nesbitt: like, oh yeah, that, I guess I do do that and I don't know why. And she's like, oh, I know why you just explained it for the past hour.

Brooke Nesbitt: Oh okay. , but one of the times that Jacob caught me, cuz I would just go limp and he'd just catch me and he would squat down and his pants ripped the, his entire, I, everybody could see all the things and we just all were laughing so hard and I'm like, full on, like can barely walk anymore. Like, I need to push out this baby probably in the next hour.

Brooke Nesbitt: And

Jeff Nesbitt: this is for Jed or Nash? Jed. Okay. So you were huge in like a month overdue. It was. How

Brooke Nesbitt: late were you on that one? It was terrible. I was two

Jeff Nesbitt: weeks late. It was crazy. You got suck. Seemed like you were gonna split right down the middle.

Brooke Nesbitt: I wanted to . That was terrible. That was so miserable. But Nash was two weeks early.

Brooke Nesbitt: Mm. [: 00:07:00

Jeff Nesbitt: jellos so bad. I

Brooke Nesbitt: fuck the jello. I didn't have that shit. Mm-hmm. . I had people bring me in like watermelon and pizza that I choked on and like, cuz I was eating between contractions cuz really hg is the placenta inside of you trying to kill you.

Jeff Nesbitt: It's like a what? What do you mean?

Brooke Nesbitt: So they don't really know why, so that's why there's no like an organ rejection. It's like, um, whatever. Um, chemical is in the placenta that is releasing in your body. I don't know what it is, but it's making you ill. And so

Jeff Nesbitt: your body is, so, it's more than just morning sickness times 10.

Jeff Nesbitt: Your

Brooke Nesbitt: body's trying to abort your baby.

Jeff Nesbitt: It's a different thing.

ester and you're, and you're [: 00:08:00

Brooke Nesbitt: I have six months and it only gets worse. Yeah. Until about 26 weeks. And then it kind of plateaus. So between like 13 weeks and 26 weeks, it is just this intense sounds so vomiting. Horrible. Oh my God. I, I think I counted one time and in one day I vomited like 30 times, and most of that was just stomach acid,

Brooke Nesbitt: That sounds bad.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm

Brooke Nesbitt: sorry, I'm not laughing. No, it's fucked. I mean, you can laugh, . I can't imagine. No, it's,

Jeff Nesbitt: no, it's don't terrible. I, I don't even like having the flu, like have the flu for a day. Mm-hmm. , I'm, oh yeah. Just, I'm a disaster. It kills me. I don't also, that's another thing, another theory I have though.

m-hmm. , God, I hate, I hate [: 00:09:00

Jeff Nesbitt: That's a stomach issue. Yeah. And it, it just will crumple you. It, yeah. It looks painful. It's not compared to childbirth. It couldn't be.

Brooke Nesbitt: I mean, you know, there's such a debate about that and it's like, why the fuck are we talking about it? It's true. It

Jeff Nesbitt: is. They're just two different things. They're very different

Jeff Nesbitt: It's very different pains in like, uh, well, I don't know. I've never been kicked in. They're different in frequency, in longevity, like the length of the pain. It's, it's not really two comparable things.

Brooke Nesbitt: Well, how long was Melissa in labor for with Amelia?

Jeff Nesbitt: I don't know. Time flies when you're having fun. Yeah, it's so fun.

Jeff Nesbitt: Um, honestly, it blurs together with me because she also had kidney stones while she was pregnant. Oh. I remember She was eight months pregnant, I think with ame or No, she wasn't that far. She was like, she was pretty far. I remember January, I think. January or December. Oh no. Yeah, it was on New Year's Eve.

room. Yes, that's right. And [: 00:10:00

Brooke Nesbitt: she's like, I have to do this again in

Jeff Nesbitt: like, yeah, two months. Honestly. It made the birth seem like it was like, eh, not a big deal. No way.

Jeff Nesbitt: Well the baby's a lot more slippery. Rocks are just

Brooke Nesbitt: like Right. Friction. I've never

Jeff Nesbitt: had a kidney stone, but, oh, me neither. I don't plan on it. Yeah. I stay very hydrated. How, how are you about hydration? Really shitty. Really? Yeah. Yeah. You actually, I would've guessed that you strike me as a person who doesn't drink enough water.

Brooke Nesbitt: No, I don't at all. Yeah. It's like, well food and water's hard for me, cuz that's very traumatic in a lot of ways.

Jeff Nesbitt: Have you struggled with eating stuff like since

Brooke Nesbitt: Forever? No, not forever. No. I've, I'm just a skinny person. Mm-hmm. , it runs in my family. What do you mean then? Like, throwing up for nine months straight.

what she can, well I had no [: 00:11:00

Jeff Nesbitt: or five months pregnant. Yeah. And then there's a psychological component that goes along with it.

Jeff Nesbitt: Everyone like, eh, you're kind of full of shit, aren't you? Aren't you, you really sick? That was so, are you really sick? That was so bad.

Brooke Nesbitt: Did you get a lot of that? Yeah. And then I got a lot of postpartum. I'm like, you need to eat Uhhuh, . You look, you look sick. And I'm like, fuck you. I just threw up for nine months straight.

Brooke Nesbitt: Like, yeah, I was sick to bring this eight pound baby. Mm-hmm. , who was thriving into the

Jeff Nesbitt: world. Oh, she's a stud.

Brooke Nesbitt: She's, she's fabulous. She's, she's a prize hog. She's, she really? She's something. I love her. Yeah, me too. But yeah. No, but

Jeff Nesbitt: all, all of our little family, the little kids we have, they're just very unique.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Special people, but they're all like jacked. They're all like tough kids. Fakes, you

Brooke Nesbitt: know, and when they fuck with each other it is like, I just don't wanna step back and watch. Yeah. Especially Jeddy and Abby when they go for it. That's what I was gonna say. Like, oh no, like, you wanna watch for a minute.

rooke Nesbitt: But then it's [: 00:12:00

Jeff Nesbitt: really crazy is that they are very, very much like their parents and the in the ways, like, well, especially Abby, I cannot separate Abby now. , my sister, her mom, right at that same age. Even though they don't look exactly the same, they look pretty damn close.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. , Abby's like a version of Tasha with glasses. Oh my gosh. And not quite Tasha's. A was a little more dark complected. Mm-hmm. , same voice, same personality. Oh,

Brooke Nesbitt: Abby has such cute voice. Oh, I love it. It's so cute.

Jeff Nesbitt: She, but she's like, she's running shit. She, she is in charge. She's, she's a boss and she knows what's going on and she's one step ahead of you at all times.

e had. Right. And it's like, [: 00:13:00

Brooke Nesbitt: lot.

Brooke Nesbitt: Well, we were, that's funny. Jacob and I were talking last night that Jed's kind of a spazz, and I'm like, well, and. Obviously he can bond with that. She comes from a

Jeff Nesbitt: line of spas and

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm like, well, you've called me a spaz. And he's like, yeah, I'm feeling like in a different way. Like, we are very touchy, grabby, not like thinking through the repercussions of our actions.

Brooke Nesbitt: And you're just like loud and like all over the place. And you know, like attention and Jazz's just much more, and Jacob are much more like kind of behind the scenes, but like, Hey, I'm gonna break that. Yeah. And like, I don't really know why. Yeah. But like, I'm gonna break it and I'm really bad about it.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. And, and like yeah, I mean, parenting has been very beautiful and humbling and I'm very glad I

ife. Oh. Like, because he is [: 00:14:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Is, uh, it's touching honestly. It, it's makes me feel emotional just thinking about it. Like watching him with his son is just like, oh my God. You're, you're healing the generational wounds that, that are there. Like it's really sweet. Yeah. It makes me really happy.

Brooke Nesbitt: Um, yeah. With. Jeddy especially cuz Nash can't talk.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. It's just, I mean, he says I love you every once in a while, but for the most part he can't talk.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. He's been saying, I love you for a

Brooke Nesbitt: while now what the hell ? Um, you know, and the breath work that they do together, it's like,

Jeff Nesbitt: I mean I just, he's teaching her emotional regulation that he didn't learn till he was probably an adult.

it was after I had Jeddy, I [: 00:15:00

Brooke Nesbitt: And, um, watching Jacob with Jeddy as a baby, it made me really emotional thinking. Like, why was my dad not like Jacob is with Jed? I don't understand. And I was jealous. Not in like a jealous in a way of. . I wish I had a dad like

Jeff Nesbitt: Jacob growing, growing up for the jealous for the inner child. Yeah. Not, not for you now for my shadow.

alf. Yeah. And, um, just the [: 00:16:00

Jeff Nesbitt: It's just like, happily, happily. I would just like do anything. And, uh, and then that feeling that you're just describing hits, it's just like, what the fuck? , I don't remember. I was legit . I don't remember ever feeling somebody feel this about me. Um, I kind of remember feeling like a bit of a, a burden and an annoyance most of the time.

Jeff Nesbitt: and I, I remember knowing really early on that my parents had too many kids for the amount of resources that they had. And I was just like, well, this is fucked. I would like to have either more money or less kids, uh, when I'm an adult because this is not cool. Yeah. But, yeah. How did you end up resolving that?

Jeff Nesbitt: Or did you end up going to therapy? How did you get through it? A minute, Jeff, in and out. Um, I went to therapy

Nesbitt: for it. Yeah, it's, [: 00:17:00

Brooke Nesbitt: But I didn't go postpartum with Jedediah cuz I was not ready. But unfortunately I got to such a dark place mentally that a lot of those months with Jedediah were, I was suffering on the inside. And I'm really glad I took a lot of pictures because it, I can remember looking at the pictures that we did have a lot of happy memories, but I was so in my own head and in my own shit that, you know, looking back, if I would've just talked to somebody besides Jacob, I, it probably would've looked a little different.

y else? No. That person of a [: 00:18:00

Brooke Nesbitt: It was, I mean, he was such a rock and that is one thing that I don't have, I don't think I have any regrets in life, but I do feel. Very much for Jacob in those moments because I told him things that I was like, you cannot tell a soul.

Brooke Nesbitt: And it was some pretty deep, like scary shit. And he didn't know what to do, but just like, listen and be there. And

Jeff Nesbitt: can we get into that scary shit because I, yeah. It was, okay. So I wanna talk about intrusive thoughts. Yeah. intrusive thoughts are a very normal part of the human experience. Yeah. And it's like the fear interacting with your subconscious and creating these scenarios that you watch play out mm-hmm.

m. And like, so when I first [: 00:19:00

Jeff Nesbitt: and they would scare her and she would have intrusive thoughts about scary shit happening. And she, she's like, I had a dark vision about blah, blah, blah. And she would say it. And um, I remember at. People being weirded out by it. Right. And I was, and I didn't feel weirded out by it cuz I was, you know, I just came out of a psychology education.

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. I was like, yeah, it's an intrusive thought. Yeah. I used to get 'em about stabbing myself in the face. Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. , like, people get really fucked up thoughts. . Yeah. Um, and it's just like, if you have feelings that are very deep in you mm-hmm. fear being one of the most powerful ones and they need to come out and you're not letting them out in a healthy way, they will worm their way out a different way.

al fears. Did you get these? [: 00:20:00

Brooke Nesbitt: I, you know, I never had, you know, it was all very about me. Like, I never had fears about like, hurting Jedediah, which women do go through.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. Um, or like, you know, killing their child or anything like that. It was all very much like, I wanna kill myself. Or I wanna jump on an airplane and Jacob could find somebody better suited, you know, or you know, Jed could find a better mom who was not so fucked up in the head. And that's so, that's so sad.

Brooke Nesbitt: It sounds so crazy Now. Sad is so sad, but I know I'm not alone. Yeah. No you're not. And there's so many women that go through that and I think a lot of first time. Go through something similar, maybe not to that degree, but of like the, you have this brand new child. Jacob had two days off with me, which is fucked

, the, we are not set up for [: 00:21:00

Jeff Nesbitt: in this country. Oh, you're talking with Jed, right? Not Nash with Jed. So can you, can you talk about how that, that experience is juxtaposed to what happened with the second child? Yeah. Nash

Brooke Nesbitt: was just like a whole different experience.

Brooke Nesbitt: And so with Jedediah, he, the company that he worked for and we didn't pass, the state didn't pass. Um,

Jeff Nesbitt: FL Ma. Yeah. So

Brooke Nesbitt: paid family medical leave. Yeah. And which you get three months off of your career, um, paid for, I think it's up to like 90% of your pay. Um, if, and you don't have to take the

Jeff Nesbitt: time off. Hold on, hold on.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm putting applause. Music in right here. I mean, just applause sounds. The crowd's gonna, they're going Wild, so I don't want you to get covered up. Okay. Go ahead .

Brooke Nesbitt: I like that. Uh, I So medical leave. So you get paid Anyway, moving on. So with his job when we had Jed, he also, it was a pretty new job, so he was a little nervous to lose it.

Brooke Nesbitt: We were [: 00:22:00

Jeff Nesbitt: And he's asking for three months off right after getting hired. That's, that's a scary

Brooke Nesbitt: thing to ask for. So, so he, so with Jedediah, he didn't mm-hmm. , he just went back to work because we needed the income. So I was But that wasn't an option then, was it?

Brooke Nesbitt: It was not an option. So basically I was home and my mom lived in Florida and everybody else that was around that I is in my tribe, uh, they have jobs, they

Jeff Nesbitt: have lives. That term doesn't work. Yeah. Because it's, it's not, it's not realistic. It's not a tribe. The tribe is, is there a tribe is around you.

Brooke Nesbitt: Right.

Brooke Nesbitt: It's for a different culture. It's for a different country.

Jeff Nesbitt: a tribe would be great.

re willing to take the help. [: 00:23:00

Jeff Nesbitt: And you needed

Brooke Nesbitt: it way less. And I needed it way less.

Brooke Nesbitt: So, you know, with Jeddy. But I also wasn't going through postpartum depression like I was with Jedediah. I was more afraid with Jedediah that I would say so, and I, my like, cover would be blown.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, that's such a shitty feeling. It is. So it is. Most of the people who have that feeling don't realize you have no cover.

Jeff Nesbitt: Everyone can cheat . I know. We can all see. I know,

Brooke Nesbitt: I know. Uh, yeah. And really the only person who knew was Jacob, like the depths of it, right? Mm-hmm. like, yeah. You didn't seem well, Brooke. I had, I'd had the

Jeff Nesbitt: baby blue. You didn't seem well, thank you. Jeffrey. You didn't seem well the difference between the amount of just like vibrate vibrational energy coming off of you now versus mm-hmm.

Jeff Nesbitt: a year after Jed was born. It's very different. It took me about

Brooke Nesbitt: about two and a half, three years to get out of the re I was in with Jeddy and then we decided to get pregnant again. Mm-hmm. ,

Jeff Nesbitt: which was great. Which usually fixes everything.

Brooke Nesbitt: [: 00:24:00

Brooke Nesbitt: No, it was good.

Jeff Nesbitt: It was planned. I was wondering about something, I was thinking about this earlier. Yeah. I have like, I would call it a fantasy because it's not actually intentions, it's not a plan or anything, but mm-hmm. . I have a fantasy where like my family and the families of the people I love my siblings, my wife and her, uh, and her siblings and their families buy like a bunch of parcels of property, a compound and start a compound.

Jeff Nesbitt: We might have to get there. It really quickly becomes a cult, uh, when you do that. Okay. So I'm just like, I'm just saying, just took a turn. Yeah. No, it always does. It always does. Mm-hmm. . There a lot of these cults, they start as these egalitarian societies for Yeah. For shared resources Right. And all that stuff and Right.

n, I wouldn't brand anybody. [: 00:25:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, let's go out to, out off of Peninsula Road. Yeah. Perfect.

Brooke Nesbitt: Dave and

Jeff Nesbitt: Bonnie sold their place, but did they mm-hmm. . I saw Dave's, uh, employee, I forget his name. The guy with crazy hair and a crazy beard. Jake knows his name. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . He's probably saying it right now. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . But, um, I saw him at the weed conference a month ago.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, cool. Yeah. He still had a Lakeland restoration shirt on. They've sold the business too, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, he must work for somebody else now.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yep. Yep. Good people. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love, I'd love to move there and build a compound and do all the things. It would be a lot of

Jeff Nesbitt: work. It's ba it, it would be a ton of work.

Jeff Nesbitt: It'd be a very

Brooke Nesbitt: big change in everybody. I mean, it always sounds good. And then you really think about like, what would it take to survive off the land.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. A fucking lot. A lot, A lot. Well that's the thing is like the other option is feed our kids poison. Live in a society that check that's constantly just pelting us with different types of radiation and shit.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Like. I [: 00:26:00

Brooke Nesbitt: No, I'm finding out. It's really scary. It's very scary. It's really scary. And I'm not the type of person to like, like with the whole Covid vaccine thing, we don't even have to get into it if you

Jeff Nesbitt: don't want to, but it's so politicized that it's hard to talk about.

Jeff Nesbitt: But I just, yeah. I'm really a person who just likes to investigate shit and think about stuff. And I, I, I'm not a, I don't have principles about, about the Covid thing in the same, I'm not, I'm not a, I have no team. I have no team. Yeah. I don't either.

Brooke Nesbitt: Like, if you want to get vaccinated, that's great, or if you dead, that's great.

Brooke Nesbitt: If you don't,

Jeff Nesbitt: it's not my life. I do question why at this point, now that we know that it doesn't help. Right. And now that we know that more people who've died from Covid were vaccinated than not. Right. Ain't, that's some shit. Mm-hmm. . Um, so fuck that. I'm not, I'm

Brooke Nesbitt: glad I was pregnant during that. Did you get

Jeff Nesbitt: that when you were pregnant?

God. Absolutely not. Brooke, [: 00:27:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I gotta look that up. But I'm not, Google's not gonna tell me . I saw it. No, they won't. No, . Oh, was it a documentary?

Brooke Nesbitt: Cuz Jacob sent me something about, and I just can't, I cannot put anything else into my brain right now.

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm like on overload. So like, we can talk about it, but like, immersing myself, it's just not gonna do like, I understand. I get it.

Jeff Nesbitt: I kind of think you have to do it in little bites. Yeah. I can't, like I was gonna show you, your brain won't let you take it all in at once. It's too scary. I, and it's also, it's too broad.

Jeff Nesbitt: It's

Brooke Nesbitt: all consuming. Like I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. I

Jeff Nesbitt: haven't stopped for a long time. Okay.

ch, but I do get it and it's [: 00:28:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm terrified of the possibility. Is

Brooke Nesbitt: that you or Amelia? That's me,

Jeff Nesbitt: but it also cute little guy. I was like, is this Amelia? I was rocking that hat too. Anyway, I actually, that whole outfit, I remember that outfit. It's like a red and white striped, uh, jumper. . Uhhuh. . That's cute. That little red cap. Mm-hmm. . Um, yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: Look at pictures of me as a four, four year old probably. Mm-hmm. or even three year old. I was a big kid. Um, I looked very like Amelia, I thought kind of just stretched

Brooke Nesbitt: down. I'm like, Jacob, who is this? He's like, oh, that's Jeffrey. Yeah. I'm like, okay. Not to like, we can go back to Covid, but

Jeff Nesbitt: I wanted to show you before I forgot.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, no. Talking about babies is way more fun than Covid. Yeah. There's nothing, there's nothing good to say about Covid. I know the people in authority aren't gonna tell us the truth. I I, no, I will say that openly we're being lied to. Right. There's a bunch of bullshit going on. Uh, I'm not gonna tell the audience what exactly it is because that's up to them to find out.

Jeff Nesbitt: And honestly, I don't even know.

It's like we don't even know [: 00:29:00

Jeff Nesbitt: reading is true. We have, we have handed over our authority on information to villains. Right. The people who own these pharmaceutical companies, not the people who work for them, not the people who are the doctors who are prescribing.

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. And not Stephen Colbert who's pushing the vaccine. None of those people are evil. No. But the system itself is profit driven and it's fucking evil. And it has created some very damaging effects to our society. Mm-hmm. . And I think also Noah Yuval Harari has put chips in all of us. ,

Brooke Nesbitt: you're gonna put applause there too.

from him speaking at public [: 00:30:00

Jeff Nesbitt: The man is a globalist piece of shit that's. Uh, it's really scary. Yeah. I mean, he's given full speeches about not only the technology it would require mm-hmm. To, uh, what he, the, the term he used was to hack humanity. Yeah. He explained how it would work. He explained how likely it could be accomplished and he explained what it would take to accomplish it, which would be a global catastrophe.

Jeff Nesbitt: Like a pandemic. So I'm not saying that he did this shit because he's just one man and he's just one man with a lot of very powerful friends in the world Economic Forum, . He's just one man who happens to be the main advisor to Klaus Schwab. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. So I don't know. So who knows? So who knows.

o why is there Mercury in, I [: 00:31:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Why is there graphene? Why is there graphene in the vaccine? Right. Just cuz it would make good rap lyrics not worth it. ,

Brooke Nesbitt: yeah. That whole, that whole vaccine. Well, and it was really shitty cuz it turned into a very, um, I don't know, popularity contest and

Jeff Nesbitt: virtue

Brooke Nesbitt: signaling at the time I was HR. And, um, Ooh, that's a tricky situation.

Brooke Nesbitt: It was very tricky because I, Jacob and I were trying for Nash. . And when this came out, just something in my gut was like, don't fucking do it. I mean, and I knew I was probably gonna have hg I probably already was pregnant, but then everybody I knew was getting vaccinated. And, are you vaccinated? Are you vaccinated?

Brooke Nesbitt: And then I felt like I had to explain myself like, no, like I'm trying to get pregnant, da da da. Like I had to, I don't think, which is, I don't

Jeff Nesbitt: think I ever asked you fucked. I actually just assumed that you did. No, but

ah. And I was like, oh damn. [: 00:32:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm so glad you did. Thank God. Thank

Brooke Nesbitt: you. God. And I had a lot of friends pressure me. I bet. Like, you should do

Jeff Nesbitt: this, you should do this. Like, you know what's crazy? They're probably listening to this now and being like those fucking idiots. And you probably think I'm a bitch, but , they probably do. And they probably think I'm stupid and I'm spreading misinformation and all that.

Jeff Nesbitt: Well, fuck you, . I'm not telling you anything. I'm just telling you to look into it. Right. Like you

Brooke Nesbitt: don't know either. Yeah, exactly. That's the thing. It's like, we all don't know.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm not a vaccinologist.

Brooke Nesbitt: No. I don't know. I'm like, oh, you're anti-vax. And that's like, I am now.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'd like, after this bullshit. I mean, I will never get another Pfizer vaccine put in my body if it, if I could crush it up and snort it.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm not taking it.

Brooke Nesbitt: Did you, you might uh, did you, did you get boosted too? Yeah. Yeah. I did. Because I was gonna say, I think you

Jeff Nesbitt: got the j and j I got the j and j originally, which that turned out to be garbage. Yes. Which was lucky. Yeah. Yeah. Well that's the thing. Um, also, actually, I'll come back to that.

t me. Refrigeration. Got it. [: 00:33:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. Um, but the clotting problem was mild for me. And, um, what was I gonna say? Um, a theory I have about the temperature thing. So I think that initially before they had ironed out the, how to make it stable at room temperature, I think a lot of people in rural communities probably got garbage doses. Mm.

Jeff Nesbitt: Because it had to be kept at a certain temperature Yeah. To do anything. Mm-hmm. , uh, for that, like the spike protein to work and all, all mm-hmm. , it's a very complicated process. I'm not gonna get into it, you know, but, uh, from what I understand, it needed to be kept at a, at a stable temperature. Right. Yeah.

every once in a while, some [: 00:34:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. I don't know. But I didn't feel like, uh, , the Johnson and Johnson had a huge impact on my immune system. I didn't have a huge reaction to it. I didn't, I got a little sick. Yeah. I heard

Brooke Nesbitt: people just got a little bit sick, but it wasn't like people's arms were blowing

Jeff Nesbitt: up and like, I didn't get shit from the Moderna.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm. I didn't even feel it. I got it in South Bend. Mm-hmm. , they didn't even have a refrigerator in the room. . I think it was just like a little sugar water. Just kept it outside. Yeah. Yeah. It was just sitting in the sun. Yeah. ,

Brooke Nesbitt: we can kill these people

Jeff Nesbitt: off. It's fine. Yeah. Do you, do you think there's any, uh, credence to that, that theory?

ff Nesbitt: That that is the [: 00:35:00

Brooke Nesbitt: because Jacob was like, you should bring up the, um, the great, um, reset.

Jeff Nesbitt: Thank you. It's so rational. It's like, Hey,

Brooke Nesbitt: look, I, I don't know if I'm gonna go there with Jeffrey, but he's like,

Jeff Nesbitt: all right. Well, if I'm Klaus Schwab, if I'm Bill Gates, yeah, dude.

Jeff Nesbitt: Kill those fucking poor people. Get 'em outta here. Yeah. I don't want them around stealing on my good oxygen. I'm just gonna work for you. The AI and the robots. Oh, I don't need all these fleshy robots that just have all these opinions. Hey, your pictures

Brooke Nesbitt: looked really nice,

Jeff Nesbitt: by the way. Oh my God. Brooke. I have been living in a AI land lately.

Jeff Nesbitt: I believe it. Have you heard of chat? G P t? No, we gotta check it out. Okay. Um, so I had a guest on podcast last night. When are you gonna get an assistant to like, I know I, we really do need to, but Elsa I already did. No, his name is Chat. G P T. , but I had a guest last night who was in his late seventies mm-hmm.

he didn't think it was that [: 00:36:00

Well,

Brooke Nesbitt: if I don't like it, then I'll, you want me to pretend

Jeff Nesbitt: or? Well, you might not like it. Um, it's a very conflicting thing for me, but it is, uh, it's going to ruffle some feathers.

Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. Okay. So let's see. As a content creator, we

Brooke Nesbitt: have it like, say, okay, bookmarked.

Jeff Nesbitt: Got it. What, let's see, what could we make? So can you explain what, what's, okay. Let's see. As in your business, what is the task that takes you the longest? Like the busy work that takes you the longest? Is it you have to like writing social media copy?

that involves writing . Uh, [: 00:37:00

Brooke Nesbitt: That doesn't take that long. Well, come on.

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm pretty efficient, so I don't need this chat. G

Jeff Nesbitt: t . Okay, well then we'll do mine. We'll do mine. Yeah.

Brooke Nesbitt: Let's focus on that. Alright. What takes the longest with

Jeff Nesbitt: your, uh, podcast? All. Alright, chat, g p t Write me a blog post about the importance. connecting with community. Mm-hmm. ,

Brooke Nesbitt: does it take

Jeff Nesbitt: you that long? Yes, I have autism

Jeff Nesbitt: Okay.

Brooke Nesbitt: Sorry.

Jeff Nesbitt: it, I mean, it doesn't take me that long, but it's not this quick. Oh my

Brooke Nesbitt: God. Do you do this for your social

is writing this in front of [: 00:38:00

Jeff Nesbitt: This thing has, uh, holy shit. This AI right now is referencing all of human history up until 2021,

Jeff Nesbitt: and this is a beta version.

Brooke Nesbitt: And you, and you don't mind that this is on your computer.

Jeff Nesbitt: This is on your computer. Oh, my, this is on every

Brooke Nesbitt: computer. How did, what do you, how do you and every phone, so did you just, how did you find this like, You just Googled,

Jeff Nesbitt: like Google's dead. Oh, alright. It was killed by, uh, it was killed by Chad, G p t.

Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. Actually, uh, killed. I've never of this, this is stronger word. This is brand new. This came out last week. Have you ever heard of, uh, Dolly? Oh, you're on it. Dolly too. Oh. Holy shit. I'm, I'm fucking in the world. You're in it. I'm very Okay. You're in it. Yeah. Even though you're scared

Brooke Nesbitt: of it. Yeah. Are you doing it because you're scared of it?

Brooke Nesbitt: So you wanna know

ason I'm scared is because I [: 00:39:00

Jeff Nesbitt: That's already blown. People. This is, this is changing. It will change everything.

Brooke Nesbitt: Okay. So you would just copy and pa

Jeff Nesbitt: So let me read something. Yeah. Let's see what this blog post is. Connecting with community is an important aspect of human life. How do you know that? Chat, g p t, , we are social beings and we thrive when we are surrounded by others who share our interests, values, and beliefs.

Jeff Nesbitt: When we feel connected to a community, we experience a sense of belonging and support that can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. That's awfully human sounding language. Yeah.

Brooke Nesbitt: That's good. That's good. Yeah. That's what the people, that's what the people wanna hear.

Jeff Nesbitt: Uh, you wanna see something even crazier?

m, okay. Write me a program. [: 00:40:00

Brooke Nesbitt: So people are gonna lose their jobs

Jeff Nesbitt: in Python.

Jeff Nesbitt: Let's see if it's doing it. Oh, look at that. It is writing us a program to track expenses in Python

Brooke Nesbitt: See what I mean? Oh no, we're gonna ha So what's gonna happen when everybody gets laid off? The

Jeff Nesbitt: robots have won. We're fucking done. Wow. And then now telling me how to use it. I didn't even ask it. How to use it. For example, Uhhuh , this thing is incredible. This is so groundbreaking. This is the, this is as groundbreaking as the internet as a whole.

Jeff Nesbitt: This

Brooke Nesbitt: makes me wanna go

to

this is an opportunity. This [: 00:41:00

Brooke Nesbitt: like what?

Jeff Nesbitt: Ah, that's the question, isn't it? Okay. So how this is so open. I mean, it's literally made by a company called Open ai.

Jeff Nesbitt: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Now we'll look at Dolly too. All right. We'll ask it how to edit my photos. Oh, we'll come to Dolly too for that. Okay. Do you have any photos with you? Uh,

Brooke Nesbitt: no. Okay. Let's see. We're, we're gonna want that shit raw. I'll send it to

Jeff Nesbitt: you later. We'll watch this. So we are now on Dolly two, which is another product from Open ai.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. . We're gonna try the out painting editor. So it opens us up to a frame with a checkerboard pattern, much like you see in Photoshop. Right. And then I'm gonna select the option two, upload an image. Okay. Let's see. What do we have

Brooke Nesbitt: here? Oh my God. It's probably gonna edit photos void there than

Jeff Nesbitt: I ever could.

Jeff Nesbitt: Not yet, I don't think, but it will eventually. Yeah. I can't see what these are, .

Brooke Nesbitt: [: 00:42:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Let's see.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, it's a thumbnail that I made that I didn't use. Okay. So let's say I would like to, you know, I'm just gonna pick a new picture cuz I don't like that's already got text and shit on it. That'll confuse the ai. Okay. Uh, what's a picture we can use? Let's see a picture of a dog.

Jeff Nesbitt: Uh, we'll just have it make one . That's, yeah. What are you doing? Yeah, that'll look. Yeah. This

Brooke Nesbitt: picture of avocado. Look at that. . Yeah. It's, would you want that chair in your

Jeff Nesbitt: house? What the fuck? No, but it was just in somebody's mind. And now it's on a piece of paper. So somebody just typed an avocado chair?

ng to me because it actually [: 00:43:00

Brooke Nesbitt: the word Brooke.

Brooke Nesbitt: We'll see what comes up.

Jeff Nesbitt: That's a bowl of soup That looks like a monster. Ned out of Woo. I

Brooke Nesbitt: like that. That really, that really describes me.

Jeff Nesbitt: I like that picture. Oh, that's exactly what I thought was gonna come up. Oh yeah. It's a picture of a babbling brook. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Oh. Um, okay. We'll go through my history and we'll find, so these are all just a bunch of, uh, what

Brooke Nesbitt: were you, what, what were you typing

Jeff Nesbitt: in?

Jeff Nesbitt: I was just, uh, trying to, I basically took a picture from the AI avatar app lens and I wanted to add to it and make a thumbnail out of it. So I just entered it into Dolly two, and then I started having, gimme different versions, put different shirts on me, , um, all kinds of stuff. But, yeah. And look, so this one, you can kind of see the progression of how I, I knew what I wanted to make.

episode where there's a guy [: 00:44:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Make it a little more like what I liked. And you could see how it slowly changes and sometimes it changes in directions that I don't like. Mm-hmm. and I have to go back and try again. But eventually I got to something that was pretty much exactly what I wanted. Guy standing there with his back with the camera and headphones watching the tree burn.

Jeff Nesbitt: That looks exactly like what you wanted. Yeah. And eventually we won't have to do any of this nonsense, caveman bullshit poking at the keyboard with our fingers. We'll just think it and it will just happen. Gosh and I That's no bullshit that will happen within the next decade. Right, right, right, right. All of the component parts for that work now.

Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. We, they just have not been integrated

Brooke Nesbitt: and you are not terrified. Like you I am. You don't mind, like, you don't mind playing with this shit.

: I am so glad that I get to [: 00:45:00

Brooke Nesbitt: trying. I'm

u got dropped off in the year: 1500

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Yeah. What would you be your first move

Brooke Nesbitt: making a phone call? Who would you call? No one a phone. I know that. I know that's

Jeff Nesbitt: a, that's a lose. That's a lose move. I don't know. Oh man. Check mate. Checkmate, you got whatever. What were the disease? Black Plague. Wow. . Okay. Oh yeah. And so right here I was trying to make, uh, just some like digital design stuff.

Jeff Nesbitt: Geoff Hylton wanted me to make a, a logo for his company. Um, so I'm like trying to figure out a way to make barbell and see that's what the computer thinks a barbell is, cuz it doesn't have muscles. doesn't know how to, you know, here we got dinosaur soaps that I was trying to make for Brian Martini's, episode

kay. I like the mushrooms. A [: 00:46:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. , that's, that's the new skill. That's the new creative endeavor. Somebody who also has a creative eye, who, who like first can have the idea and then also communicate it. Those are the next millionaires. I, I don't think, I don't wanna say that the, the time of being able to monetize creativity is, is done because we're still a little bit out from that.

Jeff Nesbitt: But it's definitely changed. It's not gonna be the same. This is something, yeah, look at this.

Brooke Nesbitt: Okay. So like, I automatically go to doomsday. Well, yeah, you're, that's, you're a photographer

Jeff Nesbitt: looking at AI photography.

Brooke Nesbitt: I know. Mike. I'm fucked. . . We're all fucked. .

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. [: 00:47:00

Brooke Nesbitt: well look.

Brooke Nesbitt: There's Jacob and Jeddy in the car. .

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. That's funny. I wanna show you some at the bottom here. And, um, okay. I told it to draw a guy, uh, with headphones on a podcast, uh, doing a podcast in front of a, a bridge. Mm-hmm. . And it fucking drew me. Hmm. Like, that is me. Mm-hmm. . Is that the Astoria Bridge? Yes. . But I told it to draw the Astoria Bridge, but Oh, okay.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm not sure if these actually look like me or if it's my imagination. I'm just putting that on there. But I think this guy looks a little chubbier, but I, I, you know, I could, I could put on some pounds Okay. To get to that state. But, um, some, like, some of them more than others, but like, like this one, uh, not at all.

Jeff Nesbitt: This one right here looks like Jeb Sheldon with red hair. ,

Brooke Nesbitt: front of the show. So it's like pulling from your past

ke a very popular podcaster. [: 00:48:00

Brooke Nesbitt: I think I've listened to everyone.

Jeff Nesbitt: Jeff of Theo Vaughn's podcasts?

Jeff Nesbitt: No. Of Oh, of mine. Of your podcast. Oh, I'm flattered. Thank you. . Oh, look at this scary bitch. Yeah, right here. What were you, what did you ask? Ink blot of a beautiful but evil woman's face. Yeah, that's it. . That is exactly it. She's not that beautiful, but she's definitely fucking evil. Doesn't that look alive?

Jeff Nesbitt: Yep. If that was on the wall and you saw it in the middle of the night, wouldn't, wouldn't you not wanna look at it? Yeah.

Brooke Nesbitt: Because it's like one of those that eyes follow

Jeff Nesbitt: you, you know? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All all pictures do that to me though. So that's it. That's what would happen. This, yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. . I wanted to know if, if a computer knew what fear was, and it does.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. That's scary. But like how did they come up with the face?

Jeff Nesbitt: Um, it studied all pictures.

Brooke Nesbitt: So is that like the average eyes, the average mouth? The average

necessarily. It's what this [: 00:49:00

Jeff Nesbitt: What it thinks fear is. It has a personality. Yeah. So traditional how you

Brooke Nesbitt: program a personality,

Jeff Nesbitt: nobody programmed this. It programmed itself. That's the thing. That's what makes it groundbreaking. Yeah. Traditional computing was programmed, so mm-hmm. , everything you see is, was a human put, was put there by human.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. , like every response is pre-programmed. Everything is pre-programmed. Right. The way that machine learning works and neural networks and um, basically artificial intelligence algorithms, they work by learning. Mm-hmm. . So instead of programming specific, like. If this, then this specific A then B or conditional statements or binary relationships, however you wanna look at it.

f data mm-hmm. and say like, [: 00:50:00

Jeff Nesbitt: this thing has up through 2021, this thing has looked at and figured out what it thinks all of them are. Hmm. And then by the, just like a fucking human does. Right. And except for when it's a human brain, that information's not all within your conscious reach. Right. You have to use things like intuition and impulse.

Jeff Nesbitt: This computer has access to all those memories at the, at the same time. Yeah.

Brooke Nesbitt: It's very, uh, mind blowing.

under, I mean, I don't know. [: 00:51:00

Brooke Nesbitt: so if you're real fucking lonely, you can like chit chat.

Jeff Nesbitt: Do you

Brooke Nesbitt: ever, but back in the day when we used to get online,

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm asking if it feels pain. Oh, it didn't go. Oh,

Jeff Nesbitt: I said chat AI or chat G p T. Do you feel pain as a language model trained by open ai? I do not have the ability to feel any emotions, including, bang. I'm a machine learning algorithm designed to assist with a wide range of TA tasks, but I do not have the same experiences or capabilities as human. Well, that's

Brooke Nesbitt: comforting.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: But oops,[: 00:52:00

Brooke Nesbitt: as I mentioned earlier, you idiot. .

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, I hate when people say that to me. I actually just spent two hours yesterday writing the worst email. I wrote that email yesterday. Oh no. Oh, I actually wanna read that. Read the email. I fucking loved, I used to really take a lot of pride in, um, destroying people through the written word.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh man. .

Brooke Nesbitt: That's brutal.

Jeff Nesbitt: I don't anymore. That's brutal. I don't use my powers for evil anymore. That's good. Um, I didn't realize I was being evil then. I, I genuinely felt like the world was, uh, all against me. Mm-hmm. not in a, not in a, like a self-pity way, but in like a, like a healthy competition way. Mm-hmm.

se of this, this fundamental [: 00:53:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. And just destroy them emotionally. Make 'em really question their worth as a human being. And, uh, I did it a lot. Mm-hmm. , anytime I had a conflict, I would just end it quickly, and, um, realized when I was probably 17 years old actually. It was exactly at that time. It was, uh, yeah. Around my junior year of Highschool when I realized like, oh shit, everyone else doesn't think the same way.

Jeff Nesbitt: Some people just think I'm being ruthless for no reason. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . And, uh, and they're right. Why am I doing this ? There's nothing to win here. Like, all I'm doing is hurting people. Yeah. So, uh, so I don't do that anymore, but every once in a while, separate. Yesterday, well, fuck, I don't know. I sent this shit into the paper.

t I sent some shit into the, [: 00:54:00

Jeff Nesbitt: And I, I send in things to the paper regularly. I have to have public notices printed.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, yeah. Yeah. According to the, the laws that I'm regulated by. Okay. And so I, every, probably every three months probably. Mm-hmm. and, uh, for the last 10 years mm-hmm. , so I have a good relationship with the lady who takes those ads and processes 'em, and we have a system I, I sent her to the file. She puts it in the newspaper.

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. That's our system, . Okay. So I sent it off when I said, Marlene, I got another one for you. Mm-hmm. , please publish this in the next two consecutive issues. Asap. I need it. Um, please. And I get a response back that says, I'm your new point person on this in case you wanna update your contacts. Um, it's too late for the deadline for next week, but I can get you in the following two weeks.

he email in my mind. Mm-hmm. [: 00:55:00

Jeff Nesbitt: It's the newest version of word . So I paid for that shit. Yeah. So I wrote her back and I, uh, I was, it was strongly worded, uh, kind but strongly worded. Mm-hmm. , I was very blunt about the fact that I think she was being unprofessional. Um, oh yeah. Cuz she responded to that email where I was just like I said, in a very kind way.

Jeff Nesbitt: I was like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. Um, what's your preferred submission format? That's a very explicit question. That's point blank. I want a, I want a four character answer. Yeah. I want to dot p df d ooc. Tell me what the fucking format is. God, I don't want to hear anything I can copy and paste from like, you can't copy and paste from a Word document.

lmost would be easier. Yeah. [: 00:56:00

Jeff Nesbitt: In 1997 you said that? Yeah, I did. Oh God. I actually researched the, the history, an invention of the copy and paste function and I put that shit in an email and I sent it to her. But you, did you go in the chat? No. Actually after I was done, I was, damn. Why didn't you do that? No, I know. This is, that's the thing.

Jeff Nesbitt: After I was all done, I was like, this is the first, first thing I have done in the last 36 hours that didn't directly involve artificial intelligence, . And, um, you just needed a break. It was, uh, it would've been the perfect opportunity. Let's see what they would've said. ,

Brooke Nesbitt: copy and paste and then put it in the email.

Brooke Nesbitt: Did she

like, look, I send you some [: 00:57:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I didn't really say that. I would never. But you wanted to. I don't actually call women bitches unless it's, unless I'm wrapping it. That's the only time it's okay to me. Mm-hmm. , that's just, I mean, call me old fashioned. I mean, bitches be tripping. They do be tripping and bitches be shopping.

Brooke Nesbitt: Okay. What's

Jeff Nesbitt: the question? Write a strongly worded email to a Dr. Uh, to what would she would've been an advertising assistant probably.

hours [: 00:58:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Well, honestly, it's way far away too.

Jeff Nesbitt: So , strongly worded email to an advertising assistant at a newspaper explaining, Ooh, I did. I missed up my tens.

Jeff Nesbitt: Why it is important to clarify the not to the correct format for submissions of articles and advertisements for publication. Dear Advertising Assistant , I'm writing to express my concern about the lack of clarity regarding the format for submissions of articles and advertisements for publication in your newspaper as a regular contributor.

tor, I have noticed that the [: 00:59:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. , as you're aware, the correct format for, or the, as you're aware, the correct format is crucial for ensuring that articles and advertisements are easy to read and appealing to readers. This is better than what I wrote.

Brooke Nesbitt: As you are aware, is also annoying.

Jeff Nesbitt: Think it's, as you are aware, I think it's trying to be, I I said to be a strongly worded email.

Jeff Nesbitt: I use plenty of

Brooke Nesbitt: things. Well, it's hearing us right now. Right? It's like cuz there's a mic on your laptop.

Jeff Nesbitt: Probably is, yeah. I don't know actually. I hope. I hope not, but I, no, I hope, I don't think so. I hope not. I strongly

Brooke Nesbitt: urge you,

Jeff Nesbitt: I strongly urge you to take necessary steps to correct the format submissions of articles and publication.

ial that these guidelines be [: 01:00:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Yes. This is so much more professional than what I said. I really should have used this. It would've saved me two hours . Um, but I, Hey, you know what? I felt it felt good. It felt good to use my skills as a human brain. Right. And that, and Google barely. Oh, I used Google only the tiniest bit.

Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. And it was Wikipedia. Oh. I don't trust Google for most stuff, because it's basically just like a giant billboard. Like one big ad.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. Yeah. Do you mind if I have one

Jeff Nesbitt: of these? No. Help yourself. Thank you.

people without asking. Oh. , [: 01:01:00

Brooke Nesbitt: That's creepy, but okay.

Jeff Nesbitt: Do it. No, I won't. But because you said not to, but, uh, but you might, I could. That's, you could. That's the scary

Brooke Nesbitt: part. Is that because like who, like what, what, what? You know how many pictures I've posted my pictures

Jeff Nesbitt: online. I need 10 picture pictures of you. So it's free for all 10 pictures of you to make.

Jeff Nesbitt: Why don't they just do one? Because it, it wants to see you from different angles, different expressions. It wants to, well, at least pick the good one. That's what I tried to do. And honestly, it didn't make any difference. I picked a bunch of pictures of me smiling and made every single picture was me frown.

Jeff Nesbitt: You were like a fucking

Brooke Nesbitt: warrior. I looked like a

Jeff Nesbitt: sad warrior though. Like, defeated. So frowny. Like, some of them were like, oh my God, get over it, dude. You're depressed. What are you even crying about? Uh, but it was, and like Half Mountain man. Yeah. It really emphasized the beard uhhuh and the close together.

I couldn't even believe it. [: 01:02:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Uh, so it's, it's, it's worth five bucks to me. Mm-hmm. , I did it for myself, my wife, and also my friend Geoff. Hylton. Mm-hmm. and Jeff Hilton's turned out the best. Do you wanna. Sure. I'll show it.

Brooke Nesbitt: We'll compare 'em to the pictures I took of Jeff.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, did you do a photography session with Jeff? I did.

Brooke Nesbitt: I, he, he was actually one of my first sessions. He photographs. Well, he, I mean, yeah, I got a really good one of, I don't know what you call it, but the chalk he puts on his hands. Oh yeah. Corey power left or whatever.

Brooke Nesbitt: That's

Jeff Nesbitt: my chalk. He took it. Oh, the bucket too. Bucket's. Mine

Brooke Nesbitt: also. Oh, okay. Well thank you. It was a good prop. You're welcome. Was it that clear bucket? Like one big Yeah, one big like clap and then the powder went everywhere. I was like, oh

do you think you are, Jeff? [: 01:03:00

Brooke Nesbitt: He was left on good job. Jeff. Nesbitt. I pass him every day. Lifting.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Clockwork. He works very hard. I'm proud guy.

Brooke Nesbitt: Good job. Good job, Jeff. All right. Where is it?

Brooke Nesbitt: Is this

Jeff Nesbitt: you? No, I wish .

Brooke Nesbitt: Yes it is. Oh no. Okay. It's totally

Jeff Nesbitt: not me.

Brooke Nesbitt: Oh my

Jeff Nesbitt: gosh, that's not him. That's made by the computer. Wow.

Brooke Nesbitt: Has Jeff seen these?

Jeff Nesbitt: Uh, yeah, I sent them to him. Wow.

Brooke Nesbitt: Jeff. But it's all, it's kind of fucked cuz it's not real. Oh. . It's not real.

Brooke Nesbitt: Whoa.

Jeff Nesbitt: [: 01:04:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Like kind of missed it. But when you said it, I was like, oh yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'll show you. . There it is.

Jeff Nesbitt: Look, that thing, . Why did that happen? . It goes outta the frame. Ooh. It's like past

Brooke Nesbitt: his knees. I have no idea why that

Jeff Nesbitt: happened. I'll, I'll put it up on the Instagram. Okay. Next podcast. It'll get blocked. Actually, they probably take that down.

Brooke Nesbitt: Next podcast. You should rambling with.

Jeff Nesbitt: Jeff's actually bigger than that guy.

He blew out. I probably blew [: 01:05:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. . That's hilarious. But yeah,

Jeff Nesbitt: it a hundred pictures.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. And some of 'em, oh my gosh. Look at that one. Oh yeah, that one I found very funny. Wow. He looks like Julius Caesar. Right?

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm sorry about your mics. Did I laugh too hard in it? Maybe.

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm sorry. Oh, mine's still working. Uh, I think that mic it might be wearing out. It might have been

Brooke Nesbitt: me.

Brooke Nesbitt: No, it's not. Absolutely it was me. Cause I laughed really hard. Not at your pictures, Jeff.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, okay. Here we go. There we go. We're good. Oh, it was still recording you. It was, uh, okay, great. Yeah, we're good. . It was just a feedback protection. Yeah. I needed it. But yeah, so I, it looks to me like, did he like them?

rallel universes. So did you [: 01:06:00

Jeff Nesbitt: It sounded like you in the beginning. I thought he was talking about the, the episode of the podcast where I actually did rap and I was, because I just put that out like a week ago. And you were like, yeah, that was me. Yeah. Well, he's, he asked me if I wrote it and wrapped it and I was like, I didn't write it.

icotine a freestyle from like: 2002

Jeff Nesbitt: It doesn't sound like a rapper. [01:07:00] I think you should do more

Brooke Nesbitt: rapping. It's fun. I It's fun. I rap

Jeff Nesbitt: all the time. Record it. It I do. I do. It's not worth putting out. It's, um, it sounds bad. Does it it It usually does, yeah. Oh, okay. It takes so much work to make it actually sound. And then Amelia

Brooke Nesbitt: like pops in and

Jeff Nesbitt: out.

a, a real song mm-hmm. would [: 01:08:00

Jeff Nesbitt: This is carpet. This is worse now than it was four hours ago. I like overthinking it. Yeah. It's just, it's easy to do with music. Yeah. Do you ever do, do you ever do music?

Brooke Nesbitt: I very much like to sing, but it's, I just don't have the courage to like do

Jeff Nesbitt: it. Yeah, me too. Me too. I wish

Brooke Nesbitt: I did. Yeah. But I don't.

Jeff Nesbitt: Do you ever try?

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. There's been periods in my life where like I would record myself and like practice all the time singing and then now that I have kids and shit, it's

Jeff Nesbitt: like what happens when you try to sing from your. in front of people if, and Oh,

Brooke Nesbitt: I don't think I've ever done that.

Jeff Nesbitt: Do you feel like incapable? Yeah. I feel like that about dancing.

Jeff Nesbitt: Interesting. [: 01:09:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I can do it with singing. I can't do it with dancing. Dancing's.

Brooke Nesbitt: Like, I just don't give a shit. I just do it. I don't give a shit

Jeff Nesbitt: either. That's the thing. That's weird. I just don't, it just doesn't happen. I don't even dance by myself. I can't dance. It's like my body doesn't know how to do it. Yeah. I, I cannot release control enough.

Jeff Nesbitt: That's how I feel about screaming. That's how I feel about screaming. Oh, that's so weird that you said that. Yeah. I literally watched a video five minutes before you came here. Mm-hmm. , where it's like a therapy session where this woman is standing in front of a room of like 30 people. Mm-hmm. the therapist is like, all right, get ready.

er feel like she was her own [: 01:10:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. . Not only do I, I I dislike it on like a, a sensory level cuz it hurts. Mm-hmm. it hurts. Mm-hmm. like it hurts to do and it hurts to. . But, um, I hate people who scream a lot. I hate Yeah. The act of screaming. I hate the situations that require screaming. I just hate everything about it. Yeah. And I think that comes from something deeper than I can understand.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, absolutely. Do you not, you also don't like screaming.

Brooke Nesbitt: I've fucking hate it. I hate being screamed at. I hate it. Even when somebody raises their voice at me. What's your It's response like, trauma response.

Jeff Nesbitt: It's like, what is it? You a foreigner, you're a fighter or you're afl.

Brooke Nesbitt: I am not a fighter. You're a, well, Jacob might feel Jacob might

Jeff Nesbitt: disagree.

Jeff Nesbitt: Actually, you screamed at me once. So I, I think that , I think that's was in

Brooke Nesbitt: a flash that was very much a trauma response. That was a hard

Jeff Nesbitt: week. Oh, [: 01:11:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. You could do it right.

Brooke Nesbitt: Well, in my mind, so we're talking about my wedding. Yeah. So in my mind I was thinking the easiest thing possible. Like I literally just wanna marry this man. Yeah. I already felt married to him and I wanted to be fun and easy and then all of a sudden my best friend had to fly back to Hawaii and she like planned the whole wedding.

Brooke Nesbitt: And now it was my turn to like step in and plan the wedding. And I just was like, none of this is going right. I have a one year old that I'm trying to micromanage in the midst of all of it. And it was just like, Yeah, this was fucking tough.

Jeff Nesbitt: Also, we've already discuss in postpartum depression. Yes, we've already discussed it in this podcast, but that period of your life was not exactly the easiest in general.

Jeff Nesbitt: So I

Brooke Nesbitt: apologize. Oh no, we actually never talked about that ever again. I feel like

ed it in that moment. In the [: 01:12:00

Jeff Nesbitt: We didn't have a conversation about it. I'm glad I did. But you were wearing your wedding dress and, um, we hugged and that was it. Yeah. That's the end of it. But yeah, it wasn't, I might've walk that out cause it was really hard. It wasn't even that big of a deal. Um, people are known for for getting really emotional about their weddings.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh yeah. And people who have a, a one-year-old and postpartum depression are also known for being a bit emotional also on top of that, um, I got it. It, it was a thing that involved in-laws, which is always complicated. I was asking questions that you didn't wanna answer and I was asking and I was asking them aggressively.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. And so you were just like, dude, shut the fuck up. If you don't like it, you don't have to come. I know. I wasn't, I I wasn't shocked really. I really wasn't

Brooke Nesbitt: shocked, Brooke. And it's funny cuz I, I really don't talk to anybody that like, well, I'm glad

you were comfortable enough [: 01:13:00

Brooke Nesbitt: wasn't. I like sent like a really, like a shock wave.

Brooke Nesbitt: You'd had enough. You'd had enough. I was like, I went black and then I was like, I gotta walk outta this fucking room. And I hate getting like that because it reminds me of my. , like losing control and not being able to like set my emotions aside and be in reality. It's just like, I hate that feeling and I hate screaming

Brooke Nesbitt: It makes me feel gross. And

Jeff Nesbitt: like, what about rage screaming? Do you in the moment, does it feel kind of powerful?

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah, it's like, feels like a big release, but then the adrenaline makes me feel, uh, just too much. It's like, why did I do that? Like, oh

Jeff Nesbitt: no, . And you actually have the perspective board commission, , you know, what it could do to your life.

Jeff Nesbitt: It could just kids

ou, right? So you're kind of [: 01:14:00

Brooke Nesbitt: And I don't know, he was like asking simple questions and I was like, can't you see that I'm not in the mindset to like, be in this moment and like, answer your questions and like try to be there for somebody else right now. And then it escalated really quickly and I got so mad I couldn't, I can't throw shit.

Brooke Nesbitt: So I just took a chair and I just sat it on its side and I walked out the door and then he kind of just looks at me like, what the fuck? Like, why do you actually just throw it ? Oh, he would've thrown it. Yeah. Yeah. . And I'm like, I just, I just get so mad that I. I've had dreams about punching somebody and my Fisk gets almost to their face and I wake up.

I just makes me feel like my [: 01:15:00

Brooke Nesbitt: But, um, with my sister and I, it was verbal, uh, more with me. It was, uh, I was the prize possession. I was the child on a pedestal. I was the good Christian girl. I went to school, I did all the right things. I was almost in a way like a pseudo spouse without like the sexual part of it, but like a very emotionally present partner for my dad.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Which is not the right responsibility for a

Brooke Nesbitt: child. It was very, um, fucked and it gave me a lot of complexes. Yeah. And I, it really plays into like the perfectionism that I have that I'm

Jeff Nesbitt: [: 01:16:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Your, your opinion is equal to mine. We have equal, if they're living that way mm-hmm. and checking with you on things they shouldn't be checking with you on,

Brooke Nesbitt: oh, I'm the only loyal one in the family. That

Jeff Nesbitt: kind of thing is

Brooke Nesbitt: dangerous. And I'm like, oh. And I was like eight years old and I'm like, oh, okay. Can't trust these other bitches all, all right.

Brooke Nesbitt: Dad. Like, yeah, I'm here. Yeah. And even all the fucked up shit that you do to my mom, I'm here. You know, I'm not gonna abandon you. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be here for you. Like somebody has to be. Yeah. Somebody like, like when my mom left my dad the first time when we were, I was in seventh grade, my mom was like, are you gonna come with me?

e, I cannot leave dad alone. [: 01:17:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. Like what a weird, what a weird space to be in. And then I'm in middle school, which is already fucking hard. Yeah. Middle school. Can be trash, you know,

Jeff Nesbitt: that's the same. I was in seventh grade with my parents split too. That's

Brooke Nesbitt: a hard year. Fucking, hey, that's a hard

Jeff Nesbitt: year. Yeah. I, I still think of it every February, like February 26th.

Jeff Nesbitt: It was the day of my life changed forever. Mm-hmm. . It was, yeah. Never slept in that same Oh, I mean, I did, I went back and stayed with my dad after, after the original breakup, but I never, the life was over that, that part of my life was over. Right. Did you feel that, did that sense of loss?

Brooke Nesbitt: Well, they didn't stay apart very long.

me if he could start dating, [: 01:18:00

Brooke Nesbitt: And confusing. It was very fucked. And, um, I felt very, I remember asking my dad, we like, sat down and he was like, all right, so your mom and your sister are gonna move back in and there's gonna be no more, no more fighting, no more. I'm not gonna hurt your mom anymore. And I looked at him and I was like, so you promise you're not gonna hurt her anymore?

Brooke Nesbitt: And he's like, I already fucking told you I'm not gonna hurt her anymore. Like, oh, this is a good sign. And then I'm like, you know, and then I go back into that, like, okay, just shut up and like, walk the motions. Don't ask questions, just be silent and he's gonna be okay. And so my whole childhood, it was walking on eggs.

say anything. Just be quiet. [: 01:19:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Do you know your attachment style?

Brooke Nesbitt: I don't know if I, I don't know if I know that yet.

Jeff Nesbitt: Look into that. John Bowlby. Yeah. John Bowlby. Attachment theory of attachment. Yeah. Very, very helpful for understanding. Where's yours? I'm securely attached. Yeah. So I'll put a ding in here and explain Yeah. Uh, what the theory is and the different types,

roposed by John Bowlby in the: 1950

Malcom: There are four main attachment styles that have been identified: secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. A securely attached individual is able to trust and rely on their caregivers, and as a result, they are able to form close, healthy relationships with others. An anxious-ambivalent individual may have a harder time trusting their caregivers and may be more anxious in their relationships. An avoidant individual may have a harder time getting close to others and may be more distant in their relationships. A disorganized individual may have a mix of attachment behaviors and may struggle with forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Malcom: In adults, attachment styles can continue to influence our relationships and how we approach and respond to intimacy. Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have healthier, more fulfilling relationships, while those with an insecure attachment style may struggle more with trust, communication, and intimacy. It is important to recognize and understand one's attachment style in order to work towards developing a more secure attachment and forming healthier relationships.

Jeff Nesbitt: [: 01:21:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. are foundational and when they're established in a healthy way, they persist and it sets a precedent for intimate relationships for the rest of the life of that individual. Mm-hmm. and John Bulby was a developmental psychologist who figured this out. I think it was like in the sixties or seventies, but it's been very successful in being able to predict healthy relationships in adulthood by looking at childhood relationships with, uh, primary caregiver.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. . And so like, there are some people. Um, so like having a close relationship with somebody with attachment problems, it's really beneficial to understand.

Yeah. But, um, it's good to [: 01:22:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. That is good to know about.

Brooke Nesbitt: It's so funny because I feel like my dad and I don't have a relationship now due to him not, so basically I gave him this, Hey, we really need to talk about what happened in my childhood so we can move past it. And he was basically like, I'm not gonna rehash the past. I wanna live my life. I'm in a good place now.

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm happy I'm married and I have a family. , you can either basically be in it with me and like, we can sweep all this under the rug, or I'm not gonna be a part of your life. So he has met Jed twice. He's never met Nash.

Jeff Nesbitt: Does he still live at the peninsula? He lives 10 minutes from us. That's what I was like where you grew up.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. .

dad, but I don't miss having [: 01:23:00

Jeff Nesbitt: a lot of work. Like you have to emotionally care for like,

Brooke Nesbitt: like, uh, the narcissistic person that my dad is, and he's never been to a, a therapist.

Brooke Nesbitt: So like I'm just diagnosing him. And this is all again, from like my

Jeff Nesbitt: perspective, people need to stop thinking about narcissism as a dirty word. Yeah. Because it's so stigmatized that if you tell somebody, Hey, what you just said is narcissistic. Right? They, they are very offended and they take it to that you're clinically diagnosing them.

Jeff Nesbitt: We all, my dad would be do narcissistic things. Well, we all

Brooke Nesbitt: have tendencies to do.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Like we're all, that doesn't make you clinical narcissist. Doesn't mean you're not, it doesn't mean you're not one. But anyway,

Brooke Nesbitt: go ahead. My dad is pretty textbook. Um, and it's, and it's hard to, I mean, and it all makes sense why my dad doesn't want to talk about anything real that happened.

Brooke Nesbitt: He doesn't wanna own up to anything. He cannot admit that he's

Jeff Nesbitt: wrong. What was his life like prior to

ou? It was so hard. He had a [: 01:24:00

Brooke Nesbitt: They got divorced when he was 12, which is funny. Yeah. You know that

Jeff Nesbitt: middle school age patterns do repeat. They do. Including narcissism. Yeah. Like narcissistic relationships. Codependent relationships. Yeah. And that

Brooke Nesbitt: is something, you know, I, a lot of my work, before I even started going to therapy, the year when I knew that we were gonna try to have Nash, I was like, I really gotta dive into this shit.

Brooke Nesbitt: And codependency being a victim, you know, all of that stuff. Narcissistic traits that I have, I have to start working on me and like being able to look in the fucking mirror. Yeah. I mean its critical. It's healthy to do, it's, it's critical and it's good to struggle. Yeah. Like we should struggle through our own shit and I can't blame my dad forever.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. I [: 01:25:00

Jeff Nesbitt: move on. And so did they and live so did they that that's the thing is like you, at a certain point in adulthood, you start to realize like, I'm not that much younger than my parents anymore.

Jeff Nesbitt: No. .

Brooke Nesbitt: Isn't that

Jeff Nesbitt: a trip? Yeah. Yeah. If, if generations are separated by around 20 years, by the time I'm 40, it's like, it's not that, not that much different, really. Right. Like I remember well when my parents were the ages that I am now mm-hmm. , and I mean, I'm so much cooler than them. Like just world. He got, you got ai.

Jeff Nesbitt: Well, it's not just the ai, it's my style. It's my taste is pretty much everything about me. Even podcast. Yeah. Just so much cooler, but mm-hmm. . No, but they, they felt old to me when, when they were 34. I was like, ah, these old fucks, they don't know what's cool. Um, but they, at that point I was starting the, the sheen was starting to disintegrate.

: My life was not great. But [: 01:26:00

Jeff Nesbitt: He knew everything. . And eventually you just start to realize like, no, that, that then all the humanness starts creeping in. Yeah. Yeah. Those impressions that you have are there for your benefit. Right. They're there so you can feel safe and, and grow as a, as a tiny seat of a human. Yeah. Into, into somebody who's capable of withstanding the threats and, and the, the real hardships of the world.

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. . So those things are necessary, but as they d. , you have to replace 'em with something new. You can't just start to think of your parents as less than you or, or like somehow they failed you. Yeah. Because that's just bad for you. We're just continuations. Right? We're just continuations.

Jeff Nesbitt: It's just like our kids are continuations of us and overall we're all just one big thing. I

Brooke Nesbitt: spent [: 01:27:00

Brooke Nesbitt: They were doing their best. Oh. Like, oh fuck Yeah, they are . Yeah. I mean, my parents didn't try to like, they didn't, you know, try to give me this terrible childhood. It wasn't terrible. But in this moment it's hard for me to remember the good because I haven't sorted through the shit.

Jeff Nesbitt: Do you have long gaps where you don't remember shit?

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, I don't like, I don't remember full years of my life. Yeah.

Brooke Nesbitt: And I, and I try really, like sometimes I sit in my bed and I'm like, okay, just think of something happy. Like think of something good about your dad and that you guys had together and I can't fucking do

Jeff Nesbitt: it. And you're protecting yourself.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Yeah. Like your psyche is like, no, that's a dangerous territory. I'm not gonna go in there. Yeah. And the

other day I was cleaning out [: 01:28:00

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm like, and it kind of gave me like, oh wow, I haven't even thought about smiling with my dad in fucking years. Right? So then I kind of, and I didn't spiral. I didn't have anxiety or anything like that. I was just kind of like, huh, okay. And then I had this packet of school pictures of Jeddy, and I was like, you know what?

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm just gonna send one in the mail to my dad. And I haven't spoken to my dad in a long time. And so I just, you know, Jedi and at five years old in kindergarten and like some adjectives about her and then sent it in the mail. And I haven't heard from him. And I was like, month and a half or so ago, but I didn't.

ow. I just kind of felt like [: 01:29:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I guarantee you he has, I bet you he looks at your pictures on Facebook and Instagram.

Jeff Nesbitt: I bet you he does. I hope

Brooke Nesbitt: he does. I don't think he does . I don't think he does. I think he would rather, uh, ignore hard stuff and focus on the life that he loves, that he knows he likes. He cannot do hard emotional things. That's sad. It's, and it's, and that's where it's like, okay, where can I fit in grace and compassion at the same time of like what the, like we were talking about earlier, like Jacob being such a great dad and it's in front of my face all the.

Brooke Nesbitt: you know, and then it's like, I have this fucking Bumed dad that I've gleaned really good, like my work, my work ethic and wanting to be an entrepreneur and all, all that kind of stuff. It comes from him, but I just don't understand the blockage. But it's not for me to understand. Yeah, that's, it's his thing.

Brooke Nesbitt: I

: gotta give that up, right? [: 01:30:00

Brooke Nesbitt: And I don't want to, I don't want to like change him for me, cuz that's not real. I want him to live his life. And eventually if he's like, you know what? You know, I'm sorry. That's all I want is, sorry, I don't want anything else, but like a, Hey, I'm fucking owning it.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. I did really terrible shit to your mom. I made your life really complicated on the verge of abuse and I'm really sorry about that. And I'd be so happy to move on. ,

Jeff Nesbitt: I'd be so happy because that that acknowledges that you're not crazy, crazy. And your, your experience was legitimate.

Brooke Nesbitt: Like, um, for instance, I invited him to our wedding, obviously he's my father and this is after like a year or so and not talking to him and he basically called me and said, Hey, I'm like in my PJs by four o'clock on a Sunday.

thought process, is that my [: 01:31:00

Brooke Nesbitt: And, um, I was just like, all right, that sucks, but okay. And then we hung up and then fast forward about three years, he brought it up again. He's like, by the way, like, I don't know why you're mad about the wedding situation. You told me not to come because your mom was gonna be there and you were stressed out.

Brooke Nesbitt: So I was doing you a favor. I'm like, you're gaslighting me. That absolutely did not happen, and you cannot say that to me. That is not real. And then it like spiraled from there and he got all mad and da, da, da.

way when they're just trying [: 01:32:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. into thinking. Uh, it, it almost sounds like in that situation he may have prepped himself with self delusion. Yes. And that is something that is a trait of a narcissist that they don't seem to even know that they're doing.

Brooke Nesbitt: It's hard to like be mad. I mean, it's easy to be mad, but it's hard to be mad when he's like a.

Brooke Nesbitt: Like he's, he's ill.

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. That's the thing is like, it's being mad is not even helpful because you're just, it just hurts me. Yeah. It's like what, what you want is like, I wish I just had proof so I could show you that you're full of shit and then we'd all be good. But that's not really how it works. They don't actually want that.

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. They don't actually wanna know the truth. They just wanna know what's easy.

Brooke Nesbitt: That's why, um, he would rather not be in my life and face the music. Um, and he'd rather be content in his own little world. He finally, he told me he finally has the son. He's always wanted, cuz he married somebody who had,

Jeff Nesbitt: I hate this guy.

Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, [: 01:33:00

Brooke Nesbitt: And he probably doesn't even remember the conversation. Yeah, right. That's irritating. And uh, so I'm like, I wanna work through that stuff so I can . Yeah. You

Jeff Nesbitt: know, be healthier. You have to. How's it going?

Brooke Nesbitt: It's, it's great. Yeah. No, it actually is really fine.

Brooke Nesbitt: Um, it's, I'm very resistant. I wanna be in it and I wanna be vulnerable. But right now, like, I haven't even cried in therapy yet. Yeah. And I've been in it for a few months now cuz I just, I know once I start it's gonna be like the whole, once the gates opens, I

Jeff Nesbitt: have never cried in therapy. Not once in my life.

. , it's all like, um, yeah. [: 01:34:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Like, I don't really have those conversations with anybody but Melissa and my mom. Mm-hmm. and like my siblings. Yeah. Yeah. At all. Do you have people in your life who you talk to deeply like that, where you are free to cry and, and really be just a mess? Do you have people like that, that you talk to? I

Brooke Nesbitt: do.

Brooke Nesbitt: And , the older I get, the less I wanna be emotional like that. It's exhausting. It is. And it's like, I don't have time for this shit. Yeah. Like, I have tiny humans who need me, you know? Yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: Well that's why you're trying to deal with it. And that's why I'm trying to deal with it. You gotta get it o just get it over with.

Jeff Nesbitt: And

ut when a male is talking to [: 01:35:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. because my dad was very much, um, my biggest critique, but also my biggest cheerleader. Mm-hmm. , it was very. .

Jeff Nesbitt: That's how it works the best. I mean, that's how you get the,

Brooke Nesbitt: the person on your side. But it was, but it was like very, um, conditional. I had, yeah, I had to do the right things. Like he was so proud that I went to church.

Brooke Nesbitt: He was so proud. He was so proud that I went to a four year.

Jeff Nesbitt: But like, it's cuz both those things are fucking boring. . And they're hard to do.

Brooke Nesbitt: They're hard to do. And it's like, but, but he would tell everybody, but would he check in with me? No. Did he give a fuck about my emotions and my feelings and where I was at in my life?

Brooke Nesbitt: No.

on the wall. Mm-hmm. . That [: 01:36:00

Brooke Nesbitt: and he might not completely think it. He might think it's completely different. He might think he was. I don't know what he thinks.

Brooke Nesbitt: I don't think. Well, I mean, it's not for me to know

Jeff Nesbitt: anyway. No, and it completely depends on frame of reference. Maybe he had even less. Like that's the thing I deal with my dad's life was so much worse than mine. Mm-hmm. . That it doesn't feel fair for me to be like, well you should have loved me more and maybe hugged me every once in a while and, you know, not called me a faggot all the time.

Jeff Nesbitt: Um, but who am I to say, you know, his dad shot his cat in the face right in front of him. What the fuck? That's sociopathic. . Like I

Brooke Nesbitt: almost feel like I don't, I watch a lot of Judge Judy, so I don't even know, like if he can come after me for like, telling my story, I don't know yeah. I always worry a little bit about, you know, what I post and stuff because I don't want my dad to,

nternet that I killed a dog. [: 01:37:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I know, I remember. And um, it's, I'm gonna cry right now. I talking about it. I was suck. Yeah. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Yeah. It was a dumb thing for me to do. I should have just taken the dog to have her put down like by a professional, but I loved her and I didn't want somebody to kill her.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, yeah. But he wrote about it on the, on the internet. It was terrible. And um, yeah, he didn't even know the reason I killed the fucking dog is cuz he bit your kid in the face. Right. Like that was

Brooke Nesbitt: a absolutely nightmare of a situation. It

Jeff Nesbitt: was horrible. That was a nightmare. It was horrible. Um, but I don't remember what my, was she at the shot?

Jeff Nesbitt: But yeah. Yep, yep. She, the shot with Daisy, the dog graveyard and Cali and Kada. All the dogs buried out there. Yeah. That's totally overgrown now. I drove by there. It's crazy how different it looks. It looks completely different. Makes

Brooke Nesbitt: me sad a little bit. Me

Jeff Nesbitt: too. I had a lot of really good memories. Me too, but Yeah.

a central place for Nesbitt, [: 01:38:00

Jeff Nesbitt: I gotta get back. I can't be, I just don't, I don't get out there enough. Ah, there's not enough time. I feel bad about it. Yeah. But also, they're so boring. Um, just to sit there. I

Brooke Nesbitt: don't know. Your grandpa has some good fucking

Jeff Nesbitt: stories. No, I know. I'm just being, I'm just being funny. I hope, I hope to hear this, but I actually, Hey, grandpa, every time, every time I talk to my grandpa, I'm like, oh, yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: I, I always forget how like intelligent and interesting that you are. Yeah. He's very with it. Like, oh my God. And he's actually quite informed. Yeah. He knows like, what's going on in the world. Yeah. One time we talked about like, uh, kind of more esoteric stuff. Like he was telling me about dreams he had that he ended up coming True.

Jeff Nesbitt: And all kinds of Wow. Cool. Shit. I love talking about that stuff. Yeah. You ever had a prophetic dream?

've actually, I've seen, uh, [: 01:39:00

Jeff Nesbitt: That seems like something that would come in a dream.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah, it would. And then I would, I text them and I say, Hey, I don't, this might be invasive, but I saw you in like, I predicted genders of babies and dreams and, um, actually Paul and Alyssa.

Brooke Nesbitt: Shout out Paul and Alyssa. I saw them at, whose wedding were we at? Oh, Alex. And Alex and I saw them and I had a dream of Alyssa and I went up to him and I'm like, are you guys gonna try for for a third baby? And she's like, uh, I don't know why. And I was like, cuz you're gonna have a third baby. I, I know you are and I just want you to buckle up because it's gonna happen.

Brooke Nesbitt: And they ended up having, yeah, they did. They're baby. And she's like, well that's funny cuz I don't know. Like, you know how it

Jeff Nesbitt: goes. They're pretty good at making babies. Their kids are cute. They're so fucking cute. They're really cool kids.

Brooke Nesbitt: That baby they love very much alike. Yeah, it's very adorable.

Jeff Nesbitt: Love you guys.

Jeff Nesbitt: What are I [: 01:40:00

Jeff Nesbitt: The, the WOOWOO stuff that Yeah. That is really rare, but every once in a while seems almost legit. Mm-hmm. , it is legit. Mm-hmm. and it's just extremely rare. Mm-hmm. . But there are people in the population who have these, uh, abilities and so it is, it is a natural human ability. Mm-hmm. that is just stronger and some than others.

Jeff Nesbitt: And then it's a, it's trainable.

Brooke Nesbitt: I was gonna say, I think intuition is very much, I mean, you just gotta exercise it. Yeah. If you wanna use it, you can. I think just like anything else, a lot, like, I shouldn't say a lot, but some people who believe in Christ, it's like a very, like, you don't, you don't go there.

n't fuck with your intuition [: 01:41:00

Jeff Nesbitt: evangelical, you don't open yourself up to alternative.

Brooke Nesbitt: But that's interesting. Cause lot of, I know a lot of Catholics who are very, like, we interpret

Jeff Nesbitt: everything like, oh, the signs, the, like the, uh, the mother Mary mm-hmm.

Jeff Nesbitt: sent me a sign. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. .

Brooke Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. . But like, you know, the traditional Christian,

Jeff Nesbitt: you just don't, I don't know if I would even call that traditional. That's like the, the Evangelical, like, um, Baptist, you

Brooke Nesbitt: just, you just like read the words off the page and then it is what it

Jeff Nesbitt: is. That is the s like saddest, which makes God so boring.

Jeff Nesbitt: it makes God sad is what it does. It's like God is. So much bigger than that. God is, that is not so much bigger than all of that dogma is. That's what that is. It's just dogma, people who need a system of rules to make them feel okay. Right. That's what that is. It's not true. It's not real. It is so absolutely oversimplified of what is real.

And anybody who's taken the [: 01:42:00

Brooke Nesbitt: I've never done

Jeff Nesbitt: psychedelics.

Jeff Nesbitt: Not any kind. No. Do you want to, I

Brooke Nesbitt: mean, I'm so

Jeff Nesbitt: nervous I'm not offering. I'm just asking if you are interested, you can offer

Brooke Nesbitt: Jeffrey

Jeff Nesbitt: off offline, right? I don't have 'em on me, but I could find

Brooke Nesbitt: you some. But go downstairs, . Um, no, but I'm just a little nervous to like go there. Yeah. It scares me. And I think if I have that mentality,

Jeff Nesbitt: I'm be fucked.

r ego, your ego, your ego. , [: 01:43:00

Jeff Nesbitt: To be able to predict mm-hmm. the next event and be able to anticipate the needs to maintain control. Ooh, that's me. That's everybody. Yeah. That's the ego. That is the ego. That's, that's a, it's almost like a nameless, faceless entity that that incorporated is incorporated within us. Yeah. But it's not who you are.

Jeff Nesbitt: It's not the big S self. The self is deeper than that. It permeates all through space and time. You are endless and timeless. Yeah. And that is who you really are. And you will remember that as soon as you're able to kill that fucking ego and that process is terrifying. Yeah. And there's no getting around it.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. It is terrifying. I did it at a young age and it changed me forever.

Brooke Nesbitt: So how is it, I'm guessing like teen years I was

Jeff Nesbitt: 17 versus

Brooke Nesbitt: now. I'm assuming that

Jeff Nesbitt: if I was to do [: 01:44:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Don't do it. And you get that warm anxiety feeling once, once they kick in, that goes away and you realize like, oh shit. That ego's a little bitch. . I don't need him at all. He's tripping. I don't need him at all. Yeah. He's just holding me back. Hmm. All, all the ego is there to do that. Sounds beautiful. All the ego's there to do Yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: Is just hold you back. It is to restrict your, your view of what we are and how special we are and what our, what our place here in the universe really is. Right. And it is so much deeper than people realize. And you can see it. It's available. You just have to look behind the veil and getting through the veil is, it could be scary hard.

that inability to relinquish [: 01:45:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Be with it, be present. All the woowoo cliche shit that people say about it. It's true. Yeah. You feel endless pools of love just fill your body. You start to realize how beautiful it is, like how beautiful everything is. Mm-hmm. and, and the system that we are just so intricately tied to and within is, is the ultimate balancing act.

hythm of life. This says the [: 01:46:00

Jeff Nesbitt: It's a, it's, yeah. Yeah.

Brooke Nesbitt: Maybe

Jeff Nesbitt: one day. Yeah. It's not, it's not something that I think is crucial. Yeah. There are a lot of people who are proponents for the experience who are like, everybody should do it. I'm not one of those people. Yeah. I think that there are people who are meant to be Sears. Right.

Jeff Nesbitt: Thinkers. Doers and people who are meant to and wired to live in certain realms and others that aren't.

Brooke Nesbitt: Somebody offered to take me to an I Ayahuasca, I haven't done that one ceremony. And they were describing it to me and I said, absolutely not. I will not be throwing up. That sounds

Jeff Nesbitt: very sweaty. I don't know.

Brooke Nesbitt: And like barfing for like the first hour of it. Yeah. Like that will trigger me and I will spiral . No, thank you. I bet would. But if I could get past that, you

Jeff Nesbitt: know, but Yeah. You never had a a, a stint as a purgent an opiate addict, huh? I have not. That really, thankfully, really changes the way you look at throwing up.

Jeff Nesbitt: Um, [: 01:47:00

Jeff Nesbitt: It was just a lot. And emotional pain and physical pain. Yeah. And the people who were in physical pain would get the prescriptions and then they would share them with people who were in emotional pain. Sure. And then it just became this network of, of people trying to stay ahead of their pain. And it became just like life that was just normal.

out that I was a drug addict [: 01:48:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. I worked with kids. Like I always had something. I was desperately afraid that I was gonna be found out. Hmm. And God, how scary. . I never wanted to be a fucking junkie. Right. I, that's not who I am. Right. I just was sad, , like I was hurting and I wanted to try to make it feel better. Mm-hmm. and that I found that, that worked.

Jeff Nesbitt: When I first found opiates, I was like, holy shit, my life. Is gonna change for the better From today on out, I finally have a tool that I can use to feel okay. Yeah. And it was the first time I, that it had ever happened, , and it was, I, it literally felt amazing. Mm-hmm. , like, it was the first time I felt like a normal person.

gonna, no, it's gonna become [: 01:49:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. I was, I was using it in a healthy way, um, physically, but not emotionally. I was lying to people. I was having to take extra care to make my life a double life to just, to just to be able to facilitate my feeling. Okay. And when I, when I realized like, shit, this is, I don't wanna do this anymore. It's like, I just want to be honest.

Jeff Nesbitt: I just wanna live out loud and just like be who I am and not have to, and I, and honestly, I really didn't want to have to need, uh, to get high all the time. Mm-hmm. like yeah. Fentanyl. I was

Brooke Nesbitt: literally, in my head I was like, that's like the new

Jeff Nesbitt: long before Fentanyl was trendy. Yeah. Me and all of my friends were using it.

ing strong. And, uh, you get [: 01:50:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Like I was very, very educated on drugs and I was more educated than my professor. I, I really, I would say it was a special interest. I, like, I was reading about chemical compounds and psycho, you know, pharmacokinetics, pharm pharmacokinetics, how the drugs work in your body and what they do all the time.

Jeff Nesbitt: That's what I cared about for some reason. I don't even know why I was so into it. I think it's cuz it seemed like magic to me, uh, to be able to affect how you feel like that I, I've spent so long feeling so uncomfortable and just like constantly feeling like I need to escape or Yeah. Or find safety or comfort or something.

lly. But long story short, , [: 01:51:00

Jeff Nesbitt: And so for some reason, because I couldn't conceptualize that and I just put it off to the side and kind of classified it. One of those things that's almost like, eh, like it's a vitamin or something. Like, yeah, I don't get it. So it's just like, not real. Put that over there again. Yeah. And um, so then we just, I would just do it and, um, got to where I could manage the dosage very, very well to where like, I knew exactly how much to take, uh, to, you know, ride that wave.

Jeff Nesbitt: But I started realizing most of the time I'm hanging out with people. People are just randomly vomiting all the time. , they're just randomly falling asleep. . It's like, we're not talking about how we're all high all the time, but everyone's high all the time. Wow. Why are you sleeping right now? Why is he throwing up and laughing?

e, oh God, my point, I think [: 01:52:00

Jeff Nesbitt: And so you, you puke a lot and you're not eating good, but you don't care because when you're puking, you're also, you have, you're filled with chemicals, the reward chemicals, like you're just flooded with that, with that reward that you've been seeking. So you make that association. And to this day, I don't mind a good puke for that reason.

Jeff Nesbitt: I was like, I got so used to it, the occasional vomit. I was just like, you know, Roll with it. Yeah. I don't care. I'll get right back at it. Yeah. , I'm gonna puke and then I'm gonna continue Pke and rally. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, yeah. That's just a, but you had the opposite experience. You had all these, uh, experiences where you were puking and you were miserable mm-hmm.

ere sick and you didn't feel [: 01:53:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Maybe I should do I eyes walk, eye walk, Waka. So I have a new experience with vomiting.

Jeff Nesbitt: There's, it's a brave new world. You have a lot of options nowadays. .

Brooke Nesbitt: Just kidding. This still sounds fucking

Jeff Nesbitt: terrible. I don't, I don't think it sounds good either.

Jeff Nesbitt: I, I, I like the sound of the emotional growth that seems to happen really quickly. And I also like the idea of communicating with dimensional entities. That's cool. Right. But also demons.

Brooke Nesbitt: It's scary. Yeah. You're opening,

Jeff Nesbitt: I believe in that some doors. I really do think that that is exactly what you're doing.

think they pop in on us and [: 01:54:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. I don't think it's

Brooke Nesbitt: off the table. I, I mean, yeah. I'm trying to think of if I've had an experience like. , that's not just like an intuition. Like I'm walking past somebody and I like, I can feel exactly what they're thinking and exactly what they're saying or I can feel that they're pregnant or like, but like ghost.

Brooke Nesbitt: I'm trying to think. I mean, I've been into the shell burn. Shadow shall burn. Uh, do you

Jeff Nesbitt: think Wood has memory? Wood has

Brooke Nesbitt: memory

Jeff Nesbitt: when you are in the, she like, like how if you put your hand on a banister Yeah. Like on a, a staircase that's 200 years old. Yeah. Does it feel the same to you as a banister that was made last year?

Jeff Nesbitt: No. No. Why is that? I don't know. It's cuz of wood has memory, . It remembers all those people's hands. I really believe that. Huh. I really do think that.

Brooke Nesbitt: I've never thought of that

ore. Water has memory. Yeah. [: 01:55:00

Brooke Nesbitt: and then I'm like, am I just thinking that?

Brooke Nesbitt: Cause I know this is old as fuck.

Jeff Nesbitt: Maybe I don't know. That contributes to it for sure. Yeah. I don't know. You are constructing your reality in real time. Right? So yes, that would affect it. Right. There is no teasing that apart. You can't do it because without all of this, without all of the current inputs, it doesn't exist.

Jeff Nesbitt: Right. There is nothing else except for what is,

Brooke Nesbitt: I do love the mystery of it all of like, it's great. Is there spirits? Like who is in the room with us right now?

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. You know, who's in the room with us right now? Every radio station, , all of them, all of them, they're playing around us right now. We just can't hear it because we're not tuned into it.

eivers. Mm-hmm. , our bodies [: 01:56:00

Jeff Nesbitt: that would tune in my frequency to, to pick up that signal. And then that's the consciousness that drops into that body. Mm-hmm. . That's what I think happens. That's how I think we work. I think that our brains are receivers and projectors.

Brooke Nesbitt: I know you've talked about, like you and Melissa, you know, you just sit next to each other and you can just, you know what each other's thinking.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. You know, and Jacob and I are like that too. I mean, maybe that's kind of like what you're talking about, or,

Jeff Nesbitt: uh, yeah, I do think that, I think that, so I think when people are very similar or very closely connected, uh, emotionally or spiritually, I think that their frequencies are very close together.

hat's why you, you just like [: 01:57:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. , you're buzzing on the same frequency. You light each other up, like tuning forks. Mm-hmm. , like, if you ding that thing and hold it next to a tuning fork, that other one will ring.

Brooke Nesbitt: That's why it hurts so bad when you're not on the same wavelength. Yes. Like, oh my God. Like, it's not even like a, like a crazy argument.

Brooke Nesbitt: It's just like, you're not, you're not vibing with each other. It's like,

Jeff Nesbitt: oh my God. It can just be like, you, you try to make eye contact and you looked at me wrong. Yeah. . Yes. And it's just like, ow my heart. Try that again. Yeah. Oh, look at me . It. It's really, uh, it's pronounced. Yeah. That's why it, like you said, that's why it hurts so bad when it doesn't work and when you want it to so bad.

rip. It's a trip. Never gets [: 01:58:00

Jeff Nesbitt: That's

Brooke Nesbitt: cool. I was trying to explain time to Jed, you know, cuz she's five and everything's just so long and Christmas breaks and all this stuff, and you just, I just say you just wait till you're 30, honey. Yeah. It's gonna be so, it's like, it's like I can't even explain it to you. You're just not gonna get her.

Brooke Nesbitt: No

Jeff Nesbitt: be in the moment. the sense of acceleration when you hit like 20. Mm-hmm. . It's crazy. It's like you hit warp speed and then all of a sudden years just slip by. Yeah. It's, yeah. I used to think about going back to school pretty regularly. I don't really like for your masters anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and uh, that's, so I have like a calendar in my mind of like, okay, so it's December, so if I'm gonna apply for somewhere in the fall, I need to start looking now.

not, if you haven't decided [: 01:59:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Like, do that shit. Yeah. So I'm, I'm noticing when the time's passing and I'm, and I realize after like five years of this, of doing this, I'm just like, I don't want to go back to school. Why do I, why am I doing this? Yeah. And the, the years just kept coming faster and faster. And now the, the amount of time it feels like between December and September mm-hmm.

Jeff Nesbitt: not long. Mm-hmm. , I can, like, not long at all. I remember when I first got braces thinking like, oh, this is gonna feel like forever. Mm-hmm. , it didn't, it was over really quick. Now I've had braces off as long as I had 'em on and I'm, and I'm on the other side of it and I, I put that off for 15 years. Yeah.

Jeff Nesbitt: Like . Yeah. Time just, just

Brooke Nesbitt: goes. I know we've been outta school longer. We were in school.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, by far. It's like, what the hell? What year did you graduate? 11. 11? Yeah. God, you used to seem so much younger than me. Yeah. Now you don't. I know .

ber, uh, being in Highschool [: 02:00:00

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. Yeah. You had to Cuz Jacob was, yeah,

Jeff Nesbitt: I graduated a senior oh seven. Yeah.

Brooke Nesbitt: And um, I remember like Scott and Ryan Garcia and all, you know Jacob. I don't remember Jacob. He gets pissed off every time I say that he was there and I'm like, I don't know. Or I even misspelled his last name. Our last name and the golden eye.

Brooke Nesbitt: Oh really? Yeah, because I was interviewing Scott like, what's your, you know, greatest Highschool memory? He said when he threw a touchdown pass to Jacob Nesbitt. Oh yeah, I remember that. But I was also like Scott, you know, and I was like,

Jeff Nesbitt: Scott wasn't, he's a Jake guy. He was an honorary Nesbitt. We let, we let him take, take our name.

Jeff Nesbitt: Uh, we were, that's why I liked him like extremely drunk one night and he was talking about how shitty his childhood was and we're like, well you'd be one of our brothers. You should be a third. Be the third Nesbitt brother. I love Scott. I hope he's doing okay. It's been a long time. Yeah. I don't know. I hope you're okay buddy.

: Come on the podcast. Yeah. [: 02:01:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Uh, do you have anything else you wanna hit before we get out here?

Brooke Nesbitt: That was great.

Jeff Nesbitt: Thank you for sharing. This has

Brooke Nesbitt: been a I know, I don't know if I shared too much

Jeff Nesbitt: or I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I talked about Fentanyl for a while. .

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. I'm gonna blow out your speaker again, your mic.

Brooke Nesbitt: Yeah. That was fun. Yeah, it was fun. That's, you know, thanks for being open.

Jeff Nesbitt: I have to like, I It is your job. It is. As a podcaster, it's like my responsibility. If I'm, if I'm full of shit, what the fuck am I even doing? I have no idea. Like, there's a lot of people who are full of shit and talking on a big platform and it's, that's why I like Joe Rogan.

en't watched a full episode. [: 02:02:00

Jeff Nesbitt: Goggins? Yes. Yeah,

Brooke Nesbitt: Goggins. Oh my God. It's like a new inspiration for me.

Brooke Nesbitt: Like stay hard, like

Jeff Nesbitt: fuck yeah. Yeah. Get it. Go down the Goggins rabbit hole. That's a good one. Yeah. You should read his book. He's wrote a really good book. Did you read it? I thought just came out. No, that's his new book. Okay. He wrote a book, uh, several years ago called Can't Hurt Me. It's about like his experience of being like 300 pounds and having no job.

Jeff Nesbitt: No, he was working at, uh, Terminix or like he was killing roaches. Okay. And then he decided, eh, I don't wanna do this. I'm gonna become a Navy Seal. Right. So he lost, you know, 200 pounds. Mm-hmm. and. Well, no, not then. He would be a hundred pounds, but yeah. But I gotcha. He got into a healthy weight and then, uh, went to Buds and became a ranger and a seal, and then a endurance athlete.

mile races and shit. He's, [: 02:03:00

Brooke Nesbitt: It makes me want to, uh, just struggle.

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. He's like, I just wanna struggle . That's what

Brooke Nesbitt: his, his whole do good shit and do hard shit, you know?

Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, yeah. Struggle is good for you. We have to, we have to do it.

Jeff Nesbitt: It's, it's kind of what makes you hard. I mean, you gotta stay hard. Gotta stay hard and you need resistance for that. Something to push up against. Yeah. Like a good bed post for a 14 year old boy, . Alright, boy, , thank you everybody for listening. We'll talk you next time. Bye.