Episode 53
No Days Off with Kelsey Barreto
Kelsey Barreto (Dream Sweet Designs) stops by the crabshed to talk about her business, her family, and her personal philosophies. Kelsey's company Dream Sweet Designs (link below) created a beautiful laser-cut sign for the Ramble by the River studio. Kelsey explains the series of events that led to the decision to start her own business and we'll hear about some of her triumphs and failures along the way.
Kelsey and Jeff trade stories from the good ole days; like when she survived a drunk-driving accident just days after the drunk-driving awareness assembly at school, or when Jeff watched a man punch a horse in the face. You'll hear a lot about parenting, what it takes to be a working parent, and you'll get some opinions on corporal punishment (spanking) as a form of discipline.
This podcast sounds like two hard-working Americans sitting down to talk about the trials and tribulations of the daily grind, and that's exactly what it is. Real people, real opinions, real life.
This was a pleasure to record and I hope you enjoy!
Kelsey's Links:
Dream Sweet Designs: https://www.instagram.com/dreamsweetdesigns/
West Coast Horse Rides (Long Beach, WA): https://www.facebook.com/westcoasthorserides
Show Links:
Join the Ramble Patreon for EXCLUSIVE Content!
Social Media
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jeff.nesbitt.9619
Instagram: @ramblebytheriver
Twitter: @RambleRiverPod
Youtube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCNiZ9OBYRxF3fJ4XcsDxLeg
Business inquiries/guest booking: Ramblebytheriver@gmail.com
Website:
(For episode catalogue): Ramblebytheriver.captivate.fm
(Podcast main website): RamblebytheRiver.com
Music Credit(s):
White Crowned Sparrow, Torii Wolf.
Still Fly, Revel Day.
Topics/Keywords:
Long Beach Peninsula; tourism; drunk driving; car accidents; West Coast Horse Rides; Back Country Horse rides; Dream Sweet Designs; search engine optimization (SEO); entrepreneurship; childhood; parenting; education; diesel mechanics; graphic design; Etsy.com; Glowforge; Depression; Anxiety; stress; creativity; art; makers vs artists; sleep training; spanking; the Bible; child abuse; parasites; fleas; lice; self-care; divorce; coparenting; travel; moving on.
Transcript
Kelsey Barreto
intro jeff
[:[00:00:27] Thank you for your service. And yeah, appreciate ya. You can find ramble by the river on Facebook and Instagram at ramble by the river and on Twitter at ramble river pod. If you want to reach out and suggest a guest or ask questions about the show or anything like that, you can contact us via email. And that can be found in the show notes for this episode or@rambledbytheriver.com, which is kind of the central location for everything rambled by.
[:[00:01:22] Royal Ramblers, which is the 9 99 subscription tier will receive a free ramble by the river t-shirt after their third payment, I'm excited to get mine. I hope you're excited to get yours too. Shout out to Liz Hilton, our newest Patrion subscriber, and former guests on the show. Thanks, Liz. All right. So. I'm not feeling great today.
[:[00:02:01] Absolutely none, but it's rainy and shitty outside. It's. I didn't sleep great. Last night, I worked really hard yesterday on a project I didn't want to do, and then I didn't get appreciated for it the way that I expected to. And yeah, it just made me feel kind of crappy. So instead of letting that feeling, just ruin my day, I'm going to record this podcast and talk about what's good about.
[:[00:02:48] And he was a riot go back and check out that episode. If you haven't heard. Because it's a good one. One of my favorites, it turned out to be really, really fun. And he's a great dude. It's a great show. Highly [00:03:00] recommend you go check it out. So on the episode that I did, we talked about our gratitude list and my family has done a gratitude list for a long time.
[:[00:03:32] And it's really fun. It feels good. And it's a good way to get engaged with the family and also to focus on the good stuff, because it's so easy to focus on the bad stuff. We're programmed for it. If you think about it, just in terms of. You know, fulfilling our need to reproduce and moving our genes to the next generation, focusing on the good parts of your life is not really that helpful, hoping for good [00:04:00] stuff, like placing your goals on good stuff.
[:[00:04:25] So it just creates a situation where we are predisposed to see danger and threats and areas where we've been wronged way more likely to see those things than we are to see what's been so good in our lives. And what's the good parts. What we're lucky to. So because of that, we got to take at and use actual effort.
[:[00:05:06] And then there are other parts of it that if you think correctly, you can realize are really. Everybody has good stuff going on. There's nobody who doesn't have a single good thing in their life, because if you're alive, that's the thing, that's it you're alive. You're lucky enough to be here. Just like the rest of us.
[:[00:05:48] It really only works at one thing at a time. Your attention is like a spotlight. It's going to be shining on something and you can kind of make out what's around it. Really you're focusing on one thing at a [00:06:00] time. So that's why multitasking is not a great thing to do because something that's really, really taxing on our mental systems is mode switching.
[:[00:06:28] So by the end of that activity, you're fucking toasted. But anyway, that's a side note. Um, your attention is important. So where are you placed your attention? That's where you place your energy and that's, what's gonna, you know, get the juice. So you put it on the good stuff. Be aware of the negative stuff.
[:[00:07:03] And part of that narrative is constructed by what we see what's available. What our experience is telling us is going to happen in the future. So if you actively place your attention on the best parts of your life, the things that you're really happy about and that you really like, those are going to be more readily available when it comes to constructing your overall picture.
[:[00:07:44] But if you can acknowledge that those things are real, that people will screw you over and people will backslide on deals and betray you and do all kinds of terrible things. But at the same time, acknowledge like, yes, that is true, but I still have these [00:08:00] parts of my. My reliable transportation, my good health, my loving family, these things are crucial for foundational health and wellness, uh, being a human, you know, and if you focus on that stuff, that's the way you start to see your life.
[:[00:08:34] I am grateful for reliable transportation. If you've ever driven a junk car as your primary vehicle, it fucking sucks. It's embarrassing. But more than that, it's scary, especially if you're a person who needs to go to work for, and you can travel more than five minutes to get. You got to have a car that you know is going to make it.
[:[00:09:16] I've probably owned 20 cars in my life and they were all worth less than a thousand bucks. And that's. It's it's scary. Every time you go somewhere, you're worried. Oh, what if the car doesn't make it? What it's like? Yeah. It's a really big stressor. So I'm grateful that when I get in my car, I know it's going to start.
[:[00:09:56] And I'm, I'm just endlessly grateful for [00:10:00] that. The second thing I'm grateful for is my perspective. I feel like I have a pretty healthy perspective and just the way I'm able to kind of see these things and to see that, oh, the gratitude thing really seems to help my mental health. And just the fact of my education has led me to some pretty useful tools when it comes to making sense of this world and how to operate in it.
[:[00:10:49] There's blue sky up there. It's just not visible to you at this moment. That bit of perspective has helped me immensely to get through the harder days. [00:11:00] I mean, sometimes you just don't have. Sometimes the excitement of life is just not doing it for you and the juice just isn't there. But I feel like that today I'll be honest, a really bad, I don't know exactly what it is, but it probably has something to do with this piss poor weather, just very gray.
[:[00:11:47] For some reason I know where the miscalculation is occurring and it's in my ability to properly see that. Because the truth is, life is terrible and life is [00:12:00] beautiful. And life is short and life is long and life is a million contradicting ideas and you have to choose which things you see and which things you connect to make your version of reality.
[:[00:12:38] If I didn't have you, I wouldn't have this podcast. I wouldn't have an outlet. I wouldn't have a place where I could put these thoughts, a place where I could put the thoughts where they don't have to just bounce around in my head and I can let them kind of air. It feels genuinely better when I'm done with these podcasts, especially these ones that are kind of like, [00:13:00] Ugh, I don't feel it today.
[:[00:13:23] So, thank you so much. I appreciate the hell out of you. My guest today is an entrepreneur, a small business owner, a creator, an artist, a maker, a devoted mother, a diesel mechanic, doula, and a stallion Wrangler. She's very many things. She also has a great perspective. We grew up in a similar didn't have a lot of money family with a bunch of kids, a lot of similar.
[:[00:14:12] You'll also hear a little bit about my childhood and some of the stuff that just always tends to come up. Like the time when the police showed up at my house in the middle of the night and made us go stay in a hotel because someone was coming to kill my dad or how I had fleas in eighth grade and I was humiliated to wear shorts.
[:[00:14:59] [00:15:00] Please enjoy this interview with the industrious and captivating Kelsey burrito.
MAIN
[:[00:00:00] Kelsey Barreto: Do I need to have it
[:[00:00:18] How's life
[:[00:00:30] Jeff Nesbitt: what, which ones, , are the girls in? Which
[:[00:00:35] Jeff Nesbitt: the boy. Yeah. Keep him in line. Cause he wild
[:[00:00:44] So when he received joker birthday. Yeah. And so he's a good, he's
[:[00:00:50] Kelsey Barreto: Exactly. I don't really know. They just call him a wild card. Oh yeah. My aunt is into. Kind of different stuff and she always called some, a wild card. My uncle has the same birthday. [00:01:00]
[:[00:01:03] Kelsey Barreto: year.
[:[00:01:28] Jeff Nesbitt: Next year will be my 10 year college
[:[00:01:36] Jeff Nesbitt: goes by.
[:[00:01:36] Kelsey Barreto: is I graduated in 2010. I feel like you were like four years ahead of me. Three.
[:[00:01:50] Kelsey Barreto: I went to college, so I got in a pretty bad car accident. My junior year. I had, like, I was a kid who found the drinking driving accident three days before senior prom.
[:[00:01:59] Jeff Nesbitt: were [00:02:00] that kid, you got the example made out of you. Huh? And it was like, what happened? Exactly? What was the
[:[00:02:21] I know. I, yeah. So, so now I have implants and yeah,
[:[00:02:28] Kelsey Barreto: Huh? Well, thankfully insurance covered it. Yeah. So I did. So that was a pretty big life event driving? No,
[:[00:02:41] Kelsey Barreto: wasn't.
[:[00:02:48] And then I couldn't eat a Snickers bar for six months.
[:[00:02:58] Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, that's that? So it's probably [00:03:00] like running through your head the whole time. Cause you get stuck in the car. Um,
[:[00:03:08] I didn't really, I had like pulled something out of my mouth and I thought it was like rocks or glass. And at first, huh? No, I, it was my break cause I had braces and so on. They're all stuck in there. And so all my teeth had broke out and I pulled them out. Oh my God. Yeah. So my, my friends that were in the car with me were like, Kelsey, I can't even look at you right now.
[:[00:03:38] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. When you're in that, oh, you were like, we got to avoid trouble figuring, figure out how to solve this problem. Yeah. That's always my instinct to just like hurry before the cops come.
[:[00:03:48] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. I think we, after listening to the podcast, I feel like we probably grew up similar. Um, yeah. My, I got in a car accident with my dad and my step-mom when I was a kid. And uh, [00:04:00] the first thing was like, okay, weed in the ditch, move the cooler, get it out. And, and like, they weren't at fault at all.
[:[00:04:09] Jeff Nesbitt: Exactly. If you're not at fault, but you're still like about to get popped for some other innocuous crime. it could be anything really seatbelt to minor possession. Like anything why, why risk? It might as well just prepare to be searched.
[:[00:04:33] Jeff Nesbitt: I always took a little pride in that.
[:[00:04:42] And where'd you come from battleground? So not very far, but that's where I grew up and I love it down there, but it's gotten so big compared to what it was when I was a kid, really. But I L I love living here and I'm happy to raise my kids here, the small community and [00:05:00] knowing
[:[00:05:01] Yeah, it's got an extra little special quality to it. It feels like a little time capsule almost, but still got the neighborhood feel
[:[00:05:20] I'm like rod run,
[:[00:05:33] Kelsey Barreto: No, we, my mom owns a horse rides and so, , that I just started wrangling for her. Again, I used to ride horses and do it in high school.
[:[00:05:50] Jeff Nesbitt: And what is a technically, what is a Wrangler?
[:[00:05:56] Jeff Nesbitt: guide. Yeah. Well, it has a way cooler name Wrangler [00:06:00] like
[:[00:06:02] Yeah. Yeah. I, I had a 15 year old telling me I should dress the part. And so I started wearing a flannel cause I'm just like a hoodie and jeans kind of person. Yeah. I had to borrow some cowboy boots from my mom because I don't have many more. Are they better for stirrups? Yeah. Extra time. I wear extra Tufts every day and
[:[00:06:23] Kelsey Barreto: It is. And they don't fit in a start very well. Yeah.
[:[00:06:36] Kelsey Barreto: Paul worked at back country pretty much since we moved here. , my sisters and I, and worked there all through high school.
[:[00:07:07] So they did, and now I get to reap the benefits of awesome horses. And it's
[:[00:07:16] Kelsey Barreto: thing? Our own thing completely. So, um, skipper was there previously and he had passed away. Okay. And you took
[:[00:07:24] Yeah. Okay. So that makes sense. So I was wondering if though, if there was any kind of overlap between those two horse rental things, cause there's, they're right next to each other, but
[:[00:07:47] Um, maybe one day we can all work together
[:[00:07:54] Kelsey Barreto: Oh, they did that have a rivalry. They did that. They bought our domain name. [00:08:00] And so they had all of their, all of the customers looking for west coast, horse rides funneled to there. That sounds like a real rivalry.
[:[00:08:11] Jeff Nesbitt: is a ruthless business tactic. It
[:[00:08:32] It's pretty great.
[:[00:08:40] Kelsey Barreto: Um, probably it would probably be a lot more profitable if they don't have a bunch of extra horses, but it seems like a lot of overhead. Yeah. My sister, um, just has horses that she has a connection to and she can't get rid of, and now she's got like 10 horses that she's got a connection to.
[:[00:08:59] Jeff Nesbitt: [00:09:00] And how many of them are regularly producing money? Um, like
[:[00:09:04] Jeff Nesbitt: Oh yeah. Less than half. So that's a top heavy business
[:[00:09:20] Jeff Nesbitt: So yeah. So with the new baby? Yeah.
[:[00:09:36] Jeff Nesbitt: So do you have a horse? That's like your
[:[00:09:52] So we just call her Bree. And, but she's a great horse. She's a lot of fun.
[:[00:10:00] Kelsey Barreto: We don't, we normally get like the mutts, you know, like the backyard breeder, you know, like just horse, they got horses from the auction is how they started. And then they've just kind of acquired new horses from, you know, people who can't take care of 'em or, you know, that type of thing.
[:[00:10:27] Jeff Nesbitt: She's like an old racing horse or something
[:[00:10:34] None of the other horses like her she's she's kind of her bitch. Yeah. So it's, it works great for me cause I don't really, it would be nice if she got along with some of the horses, but the. The, my only complaint about her is I would just want her to stand still while I try to get back on her, on the beach.
[:[00:11:11] Jeff Nesbitt: the beach. Yeah. I've written a horse one time that I can recall.
[:[00:11:35] And it was like, it was embarrassing, but it was also like, I was nervous that I was going to hurt this horse. Cause I was like, I was a big kid. Um, but yeah, and it was, it was fun. We had a good time, but one of the, uh, one of the horses like start freaking out and there was like a little girl on her back and the guy who was running the whole.
[:[00:12:11] Kelsey Barreto: in the face?
[:[00:12:14] Jeff Nesbitt: Did it by your first.
[:[00:12:30] And I was per 50 bucks and I was exhausted and it was the, it was like 11 o'clock at night and we're loading all the horses in the horse trailer and she just would not move. And then she bit me and she kicked me. And so I turned it and I bit her as hard as I could. And I felt pretty stupid, pretty stupid after that.
[:[00:12:56] Jeff Nesbitt: T3. They could probably take a finger off if they [00:13:00] want it to.
[:[00:13:08] We were probably like seven and I was running around the horse pasture and she came up and grabbed the back of my arm. And so my arm was swollen for like a week after
[:[00:13:20] Kelsey Barreto: area. Yeah. So I already have some like rough feelings about her.
[:[00:13:26] Getting kicked by a horse is one of the things I at least like to do. It looks like it hurts. I was picturing having like square in the chest, just like knock you back.
[:[00:13:54] But, um, no, she didn't end up breaking anything, but it was, uh, [00:14:00] it scared me. I bet my kids like to, I bring my kids down there often and they just have no, you know, they're not scared at all. And so I'm like everybody get out of the corral. There's just like walking under the horse. Little
[:[00:14:15] Just because you love an animal doesn't mean that animal won't kill you. Like they don't know any better, even if they love you. They just, they
[:[00:14:32] You know, I'm like, okay guys, wait, like
[:[00:14:48] Unless it's your dog, you really can like predict its behavior.
[:[00:15:06] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. I had a dog who was really friendly, but she was a pit bull and she was just super aggressive and she was really loving.
[:[00:15:28] So she'd be like giving you a bunch of kisses on the face. And she would just mix in a few bites. but like hard ones where you're you're bleeding. Oh my God, that dog bit me in the face. I didn't even realize it till it was too late, but yeah, once you have kids, you can't really have a dog like that.
[:[00:15:44] Kelsey Barreto: it doesn't really work out. It's hard. I've met some people with. And there they're like, oh no, no, no, no. They have to be away from the kids. And I'm just like, oh, I couldn't even imagine, you know, having a dog that my kids couldn't be around. That's all,
[:[00:16:03] No.
[:[00:16:15] Jeff Nesbitt: and this room is the mess room, I assume. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Just to have a whole room where it's just like, go do your thing, do the kid thing, dogs and kids make a hell of a lot of messes.
[:[00:16:27] Kelsey Barreto: My, my ex-husband does. He has our dog Roxy and she's great. And you know, great with kids and loves go to the horse ride.
[:[00:16:41] Kelsey Barreto: my mom has one and my sister has two and the one my mom has is a rescue and he was really scared of everybody and he like immediately loved me.
[:[00:17:14] This, my mom, the rescue, my mom got I, when I walk in the door, he just freaks out and he's a big dog. And so he's climbing on me and we just bonded.
[:[00:17:30] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. He like pushes my son out of the way so you can get on my lap.
[:[00:17:35] Jeff Nesbitt: Dogs are honestly my favorite people. Yeah. All my favorite people
[:[00:18:00] And then I work from home mom. So now I'm actually having my kids go somewhere else so I can work without distraction every five minutes. Um, and so I work and then I get the kids and we do dinner and baths and all that, and then get everybody to bed. And then I work and then that's when I get like a little bit of quiet time to talk to my customers or design and then, and then I can shower and go to bed.
[:[00:18:31] Kelsey Barreto: I've, I've thought about like, oh, I really want to take this horse out on a ride. Like I want to go walk the power lines, you know, behind the cemetery. I just, it never happened. I just don't have the time.
[:[00:18:44] Kelsey Barreto: with your horse?
[:[00:19:04] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Just to forewarn you horrible Gore's problem in that, on that hillside, bad noxious weed, serious fire hazard, major property devaluation.
[:[00:19:22] Kelsey Barreto: that's good to know. Yeah. We're going back and forth with it, the price of the property and then all the work that we'd have to do to it to make it w w you know, useful for us.
[:[00:19:35] Jeff Nesbitt: It's a good area to build the good, hard ground. It's all like clay, those hillsides. Yeah. The, um, there's a ton of bear back there. That's why I was asking if you ever saw a bear when you're out there. Cause the biggest bear I've ever seen in my life was right back there.
[:[00:20:03] And the bear was just like sitting under this tree. And we pulled up in a truck and it was me and my friend, Pete. And we were working at the refuge at the time. He was like, holy shit, look at that bear. And we stopped the truck and opened the door. Cause there's like, there's a wire fence. And then about 30 yards of distance between us and the tree.
[:[00:20:42] I was just like, okay, he wants us to leave and I'm going to do that. I was like, yeah, I don't want to have a scanned off with a giant bear. No, but when he stood up, just like seeing how tall he was and because he, the branch was high and he was able to just put both arms on it and just shake the fuck out of the tree.
[:[00:21:00] Kelsey Barreto: Nope. I'm the, I'm super scared of running into things out in the wild and I don't have a firearm or anything and I, but I've considered getting one just for like, if I'm, I don't know, which is protection.
[:[00:21:16] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was like the second date my husband and I went on and I grew up with guns too. Um, but I don't know. I just haven't really felt the need for one until now being like a single mom, because, so I live it. I think you guys used to live in the house, the white house on by cemetery.
[:[00:21:36] Yeah. So that's where I live. The old craftsmen. Yeah. Yes. That's a great house.
[:[00:21:54] I, I'm not taking
[:[00:22:08] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I don't know. That's definitely where, I don't know why when we were kids, we would all drive up there and like, no one's going up there.
[:[00:22:16] Jeff Nesbitt: party. Yeah. And hopefully not wake the spirits.
[:[00:22:33] Cause I don't want them like wandering off and off the side. Yeah, definitely. My 21 month old he's clumsy. And he's been to the emergency room three times already. That's
[:[00:22:50] Kelsey Barreto: And he's just a brute. He weighs eight pounds more than his three-year-old sister.
[:[00:23:09] Jeff Nesbitt: the kid. Did you hear the episode with Dr. Shirazi? Yeah, he talked a lot about he's very into breastfeeding.
[:[00:23:34] So, yeah. I've and also the, um, antibodies from the vaccine. I CA I, I'm kind of hoping he's getting those. I don't know.
[:[00:23:46] Kelsey Barreto: know. I don't know. They, they say it does. Yeah.
[:[00:23:53] Kelsey Barreto: And so I'm hoping that, and also we're going through a pretty stressful time, so I'm just not ready to [00:24:00] commit.
[:[00:24:06] Kelsey Barreto: food. Yeah. Well, and I don't know, it's such a weird feeling. I always feel like I have to defend my reason for still breastfeeding, not to
[:[00:24:16] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. It's, it's weird. Cause most people.
[:[00:24:22] What's the problem. Exactly. Other than I think it's
[:[00:24:37] Jeff Nesbitt: I recognize two emotions coming out of a breastfeeding pair, like a mother and child.
[:[00:25:00] No, it's they become very unsexy realized actually it's hard even to get the centralized back at first. Cause it's like, they feel like they're
[:[00:25:22] Um, so I don't know, I not planning on having any more kids, so I'll probably stop when he's ready. Stopping a month. I don't know. Well, we just take it.
[:[00:25:35] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. But today when I left to come here, he was like, um, at first he said, boo. And I was like, uh, yeah, sure.
[:[00:25:51] Jeff Nesbitt: yeah, yeah. Yeah. My daughter was totally into it. She's like fully, fully loved breastfeeding and was a good, great eater and stuff. And it was, I love [00:26:00] being able to witness their relationship.
[:[00:26:08] Kelsey Barreto: super easy, like to calm them down. Yeah. If you could just nurse them, you know, or, and there's no bottles to wash there's no, it's just super easy, at least for me. Um, it definitely, wasn't easy at the beginning, but now it's
[:[00:26:22] Yeah. Some women really can't do
[:[00:26:43] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. It seems like formula fed babies are fine too.
[:[00:26:46] Kelsey Barreto: I mean, I think I'm doing okay. You know, so yeah.
[:[00:26:57] Kelsey Barreto: decide lucky that I could, you [00:27:00] know, I stayed. I was at home with them, so I could, you know, not everybody has that option.
[:[00:27:15] Jeff Nesbitt: you? Yeah. Yeah. That, so are you still working from home?
[:[00:27:26] Jeff Nesbitt: Um, so the burrito place kind of in that area, um, body
[:[00:27:32] So it's on the back road at used to be the old Schneck observer printing place or something. Yeah. And so I have like half of that building. , I just happened by luck. I was like, Hey, do you know? You know, I've been looking for a shop for a long time and thought about building and a bunch of things.
[:[00:28:07] And yeah, so it was pretty stressful. I, I bought a laser and it is it's a thousand pounds. So then the delivery company said, uh, do you have a forklift there? And I'm like, no, I D I do definitely don't have a forklift. It's just me. And they're like, is there any way you can get one? So thankfully I could get omen and Sutton to, they drove one down for me and offloaded my laser and put it next to the door.
[:[00:28:37] Jeff Nesbitt: Very nice. Move omens. Very classy. Yeah. They didn't charge you right. 40 bucks. But I
[:[00:28:52] Jeff Nesbitt: yeah. Yeah.
[:[00:29:00] Kelsey Barreto: Exactly. I was like, Hm, I've got an idea. Let me go talk to this lumber company. All. Let me call you back. And thankfully it just worked out and I was really nervous about it.
[:[00:29:14] Jeff Nesbitt: and what's the machine called? It's a laser cutting. It's
[:[00:29:23] Jeff Nesbitt: 131. That's big. Yeah. That's really big. So do you need like a special power hookup? It
[:[00:29:32] Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. Not even like the dryer sized ones.
[:[00:29:37] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. And so I started with the Glowforge, which is, you
[:[00:29:40] Kelsey Barreto: Instagram. That's, that's how I started really. I saw some commercial, like, oh, small business, blah, blah, blah. My and my ex at the time had gotten laid off and we just found out we were pregnant with our third.
[:[00:30:23] Jeff Nesbitt: continue.
[:[00:30:29] Kelsey Barreto: Etsy. I do now. So at that time I was just doing like Facebook marketplace. They were all local orders. And so I just posted on marketplace and, or like word of mouth locally and we got, we got quite a bit of sales through the holidays, so that was nice.
[:[00:30:54] Jeff Nesbitt: Um, .
[:[00:30:55] Kelsey Barreto: almost always on their countertop.
[:[00:31:00] Kelsey Barreto: really cool. So I did that one and, um, so that's kind of where we started and then, uh, I had a baby, so I was like eight months pregnant doing this. And then, and then, so I had a baby and took care of her newborn.
[:[00:31:34] Jeff Nesbitt: duty.
[:[00:31:46] Jeff Nesbitt: public domain. Can you use it without asking you? You have to pay somebody. Yeah. Um,
[:[00:31:52] , and so we stopped selling those, , And I just like posted the Sinai made for my daughter and then orders [00:32:00] started trickling in and I started learning about SEO and I,
[:[00:32:10] Kelsey Barreto: is. I would, so I was, I had a newborn at three or three months old and so I would stay up late with him a lot and, or I'd just, you know, have him sitting on my lap and I could watch videos, you know, on YouTube to
[:[00:32:25] Kelsey Barreto: optimization.
[:[00:32:29] Jeff Nesbitt: our kids are gonna have way different vernacular than we did. Oh. Like they're way more exposed to just a wide variety of stuff. We didn't have the internet. No, they
[:[00:32:41] Jeff Nesbitt: like wouldn't be a liability of information is just blown up.
[:[00:32:44] Kelsey Barreto: It is. It's crazy. And like my mom said, I don't know why you guys have to take history class. You could just Google it, you know? She's right. Yeah. And I, we both my mom and I were like, okay, that's right. But I learned these things you can learn.
[:[00:33:05] Like history class back then was kind of needed to be like that because you couldn't just Google everything. So you need context to create the picture in your head, but now the details can be easily just pulled up. I think what's really going to be more important is teachers teaching kids how to think and how, how to structure things in their mind to make sense of all of this information.
[:[00:33:42] Jeff Nesbitt: you actually feel like you can do it. It's like you're aware of your own limitations.
[:[00:33:49] Kelsey Barreto: them. I was really nervous cause I didn't graduate from college. So I went to college, I went to Clark for a year. , and then I, I [00:34:00] bought a store in a house in Montana that failed miserably. What kind of store? Um, uh, like a gas station, convenience store for my family.
[:[00:34:21] Jeff Nesbitt: kind of learned some stuff about having a business. Yeah.
[:[00:34:33] So it was a really cool setup and a really cool experience, but it didn't work out. And so I went to job Corps in Montana for diesel mechanics and. But transferred to salt lake or to Clearfield, Utah, and then finished the advanced training for diesel mechanics there. And that's where I met my husband. So you're also a diesel mechanic.
[:[00:34:54] Jeff Nesbitt: now that you know, more than me. I don't know shit about diesel
[:[00:35:10] Jeff Nesbitt: but imagine how much better you are at figuring out problems from all that training.
[:[00:35:15] Kelsey Barreto: I, it was a really cool experience. You know, another one of those
[:[00:35:22] Kelsey Barreto: brain, the, uh, electrical was a really cool thing to take there because, you know, yeah. There's so much yeah. You learn how to solve problems. And they did a really good job at teaching it too.
[:[00:35:55] I mean, little did I know, like you could make a lot of money doing it, got a
[:[00:36:05] Kelsey Barreto: And it's full of them. It's crazy. I said, It's funny that now I basically do graphic design for a living, but I didn't get a degree and I didn't get anything.
[:[00:36:19] Jeff Nesbitt: And you already liked that stuff before you went to diesel mechanic school. Yeah,
[:[00:36:30] Jeff Nesbitt: It's weird how that happens. It is similar things happen like that with me in the podcast.
[:[00:36:53] Exactly. It's, it's crazy how clean and accurate it is I'm just like super impressed. I'm blown away [00:37:00] with an actually it's really high quality. I'd pay a couple hundred dollars for that thing.
[:[00:37:09] Kelsey Barreto: course. So I always try and charge lower. I'm just kind of. But I'm not a good business owner, so hard to ask people for money. It is. That's why I love Etsy because they do it for me. And my prices are higher than most of my competitors.
[:[00:37:29] Jeff Nesbitt: Where do people go if they want to purchase a sign?
[:[00:37:46] Jeff Nesbitt: deal with that part of it at all.
[:[00:37:48] Kelsey Barreto: it's all Etsy. It's such a great platform to sell out because it, they market everything for you and I don't pay for advertising or anything. I've just got my SEO dialed in to, you [00:38:00] know, pop up. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. You have to figure out the algorithm and what's gonna, you know, find your niche.
[:[00:38:24] Jeff Nesbitt: because it brings more people into the old stuff too.
[:[00:38:34] Jeff Nesbitt: like Instagram. How, if you don't post for a few days, your views go dramatically down. Yeah, probably.
[:[00:38:44] Jeff Nesbitt: doing it again. Yeah. You could probably sell them through Instagram too.
[:[00:38:50] Kelsey Barreto: That's kind of where I'm at right now. Cause I took about, a three-week break waiting to get my new laser and the new shop set up. And so I've been working every day,[00:39:00] , lately just, you know, I do the horse race, horse rides on the weekends and then I do my business during the week.
[:[00:39:13] Jeff Nesbitt: Do you have set designs?
[:[00:39:20] And then I make them a sign with an elephant on there and then I post it and people will buy it. Um, or a sunflower or so I've only got a few of those, but my most popular one is just like, as a stressed background. So it's like white with pink showing through. And then, yeah. And then the name in pink and gold paint and it's super, it's super easy.
[:[00:39:49] Cause you were found out you were pregnant, and you needed to make money, but that's a pretty brave choice to invest in a piece of equipment. So you bought this thing sight unseen and decided like I'm [00:40:00] going to do this and then you successfully did it.
[:[00:40:10] Kelsey Barreto: but everybody would just like, you're what you're and I'm like, yeah, we're buying the laser and it can and great letter leather and glass and cut wood. And it does all this stuff and they're like, okay, you know, good
[:[00:40:27] And it hasn't quite hit yet. That in between time is so painful to have like conversations with people. Cause they're all like. Either they're giving you pity or they're like trying to make sure you're not losing, you're like losing hope and it's just like, no, I'm fine. I know this is eventually going to take off.
[:[00:40:49] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. Yeah. I, it took a lot, cause I'm, I'm not really a risk taker. I, I guess I am with some things and this, I, I, [00:41:00] I sewed clothes for my daughter. So when I was a stay at home, mom I'd get pretty bored. Just being home with,
[:[00:41:11] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. And so my grandma had passed away while I was pregnant. And she was, as she sewed all my clothes when I was a kid. And so I got some of her sewing equipment and I learned to sew at cloth diapered my first. And so she needed special pants to fit around her giant cloth diaper. And so I took that on and then I, so I would sell clothes to some friends and stuff.
[:[00:41:37] Jeff Nesbitt: as you make your own forms, you just get them online or what, how did you know how to make
[:[00:41:47] Jeff Nesbitt: literally can learn how to do anything on the internet. Seriously.
[:[00:41:59] Like [00:42:00] everybody has one now and. You can get files to make anything you want to print it out? Kind of like that too. Yeah. 3d printing is really cheap to get into compared to a laser, but yeah, I mean, you can buy a 3d printer for like
[:[00:42:16] Kelsey Barreto: It's like $2,500 or $3,000. I think now for the smallest one they have, and that's what we started with.
[:[00:42:34] Jeff Nesbitt: the sizes. Cause it's
[:[00:42:43] So, um, and I learned a lot from the one previously. And so I knew how to do things like align mirrors and change out the lens and you know, maybe laser
[:[00:43:04] Kelsey Barreto: like that, because it has a laser tube, a big laser tube in the back of it.
[:[00:43:28] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. I've seen these lasers online.
[:[00:43:43] Kelsey Barreto: I mean, if you, if you would like to learn how to laser, I mean, I'm, I'm like people like want people to do things like open their own Etsy shops or start a podcast, you know?
[:[00:44:03] Jeff Nesbitt: it won't, I don't think I've been stressed out my entire life and it's supposed to be that way. I think that means you're doing things you're challenging yourself and you're probably growing.
[:[00:44:28] Kelsey Barreto: But I definitely depression is that I take Zoloft and it helps me. It is, it can really help it.
[:[00:44:56] Jeff Nesbitt: help with depression.
[:[00:45:15] So it's, it's not, you're not accurately seeing through the right lens. And what those antidepressants do is, is kinda just give you just a slightly brighter lens and just help you to kind of see like, oh, maybe things aren't so catastrophic, horrible. Maybe everyone doesn't actually hate me. Maybe, maybe I'm not humiliating my family.
[:[00:45:42] Kelsey Barreto: When, when I don't take my antidepressants, I feel like I always just feel like there's too much. And I'm like, what am I working for? What is this, what's the point of this?
[:[00:46:14] Jeff Nesbitt: He threw the, the shit into your goals and your dreams and things that actually bring you. Yeah,
[:[00:46:28] Jeff Nesbitt: uh, an analogy that I really liked about depression is, , I used to say this all the time because it's really what I felt like, but it's almost like you're watching your own life through a really dirty window.
[:[00:47:01] How long is it going to be this way? Why like, just all the questions you have no answers to pointless questions. And it's just fixation on something that is making the problem worse. But yeah, I took Zoloft for a while, like maybe a year. it worked really well, but it worked too well.
[:[00:47:36] But um, yeah, they're, they're really good tools. Yeah. I think there's people who encourage the stigma around mental health period, but especially around antidepressants are sad.
[:[00:47:50] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. I feel like. I could probably take it for the rest of my life and I'd be fine, but I also don't really want to have to take a pill for the rest of my life [00:48:00] to, , not feel sad. And so I will, I, my life is really stressful with having, , three kids all 20 months apart and, you know, yeah.
[:[00:48:33] Jeff Nesbitt: and it's for a purpose.
[:[00:48:45] Kelsey Barreto: that's bad feeling when you make a million signs that say Harper, Marie, or Harper and, or Avery you get, what are the
[:[00:48:59] Kelsey Barreto: No doubt and [00:49:00] rose as the middle name. Oh yeah.
[:[00:49:17] Oh, okay. , I like all three. They're all good. It's what type of dog it's like? Uh, I keep forgetting the, the mix, but it's part Australian shepherd and there's some lab in there, but I think the Australian shepherd must be where the spots are coming from. Their cute dogs, little, a gray puppy with black spots.
[:[00:49:52] I won't have to worry about that. Emotional turmoil. The
[:[00:50:15] So, but she's like, it's only temporary because they're not going to live that much longer, but I want, you know, they're really good dogs. I had three dogs. Um, yeah. Well, my we've always been a dog family, you know, My mom and my sister lived together. So there's three dogs at their house. My sister is like a dog babysitter all the time.
[:[00:50:38] Jeff Nesbitt: born to be dog people.
[:[00:50:55] I don't need a horse on top of it. You know, ride your horse. Yeah. Yeah. [00:51:00] So I got a car and they got horses.
[:[00:51:18] You know, they fight all the time. Not, not usually not real fights, but they're always at each other's throats and yeah. Constant noise and the sound of the nails on the hardwood and the it's just constant dog noise. Yeah. You get three fucking dogs. Yeah. I'm out. Yeah. You then you were fully pulled into dog world.
[:[00:51:56] And it was a major hassle having three dogs and no [00:52:00] people. It was just like, fuck, these dogs is hard. They're just so much activity. They're all young dogs, Daisy and a Jack Russell terrier and a Chihuahua and a pit bull. And she's like too many dogs. I vowed never to have more than one dog at a time again.
[:[00:52:24] Kelsey Barreto: your kids, it can be their responsibility, you know, job.
[:[00:52:34] Like we do with the chickens,
[:[00:52:37] Jeff Nesbitt: I think we have like seven now. Yeah. I think seven we've we, they chickens come and go. So, you know, it's hard to keep track and they also look all very alike. So the kids will be like, oh, there's copper. And I was like, I thought we were calling that one fluffy.
[:[00:52:58] Kelsey Barreto: we did chickens [00:53:00] and they were, they just shit all over the porch. Cause they were just completely free ranch. And if
[:[00:53:11] Kelsey Barreto: Um, yeah. We ended up giving them away after like a year we were, I mean the eggs were cool. My daughter, when we first got them though, they were all babies and she was outside. That's the best that with our dog. The chicken as the ball. Well,
[:[00:53:26] Kelsey Barreto: she was like, oh no. Oh, because saw, we were wondering, one of them had went missing and we didn't know where it went.
[:[00:53:45] Jeff Nesbitt: it. That makes sense.
[:[00:53:49] Jeff Nesbitt: yeah. And to be honest, uh, she shouldn't even say that animal rights people wouldn't like it, but chicks little baby chicks.
[:[00:54:13] Yeah. I think your, your kid is probably not doing anything that horrible.
[:[00:54:20] Jeff Nesbitt: you go. dogs are pretty resilient though. Yeah.
[:[00:54:37] And now he's just, he agrees to everybody at the horse rides and he's happy and runs around. It's a huge difference.
[:[00:54:46] Kelsey Barreto: of some kind of new Finland and lab? Maybe? I don't know. He sounds like a great mix. He's huge. He's I mean, his paws are giant and scratch me almost every time, but he's
[:[00:55:00] I think he's like four. Oh,
[:[00:55:08] Jeff Nesbitt: oh yeah. And that's how they do that. I forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah. We, have you ever had to put a dog down? Yeah, it's sucks.
[:[00:55:31] And so we had him forever and then this dog came and my mom was babysitting it for a week and then he never left because she fell in love with him. That happens a lot. Yeah. And so, and you just cannot give my family. Animals. My cats had kittens and my mom was like, we are not taking any of these home.
[:[00:55:52] Jeff Nesbitt: When I was a kid, we had S I mean, literally like 50 cats over the course of my childhood. Cause we had two or three cats [00:56:00] that were females and they would have a litter of kittens a year probably. And they were outside cats. So we had to find the kittens, which is always a fun adventure for kids track down the kittens.
[:[00:56:25] You're like little kids you're like claiming which one's yours, your name. And I'm all. Yeah. Probably injuring them on accident, trying to make them fly. Who knows? But yeah, we had tons
[:[00:56:45] And so one of them had her kittens in the house, everything was normal. The other one had her kittens somewhere else. And so we could not find them. And then one day I was because we'd bought in a manufactured home, in Chinuch. [00:57:00] We were, I was listening and I could hear them under the floor. So I tied yarn loosely around her neck and had her run under the house and, and then pulled her back out.
[:[00:57:13] Jeff Nesbitt: more sense. Yeah. By the next, probably not the best plan.
[:[00:57:31] I was afraid I cannot find dead animals. I was so scared. I'd find like dead kittens.
[:[00:57:59] And I had to go down [00:58:00] there a bunch of times cause we redid the plumbing in our kitchen, move the sink and the dishwasher across the room. So I had to re-plumb it. And um, I hated it every minute of it. I hated it. And like you're cutting pipes, there's water just gushing out. And like you're laying in sand because every house around here is built on sand.
[:[00:58:22] Kelsey Barreto: everywhere down your shirt. It's
[:[00:58:41] And we just go on with our lives. Like they're not even there they're huge like silver dollar sized spiders.
[:[00:59:04] Jeff Nesbitt: about certain people's blood.
[:[00:59:13] Kelsey Barreto: brilliant. I used to, like, we lived in ocean park and that's where we moved. When we first moved here was ocean
[:[00:59:23] Kelsey Barreto: , so I would covered in mosquito bites every summer.
[:[00:59:30] Jeff Nesbitt: I had a, uh, go back to school year. I think it was the eighth grade, the where my legs were so covered in bites that I was like uh, humiliated to wear shorts I'm it was fleas. I basically had fleas and, and it was because we had so many fucking kittens.
[:[01:00:02] Yep. So there's pleases. Like we couldn't get rid of them. We spent, uh, like doesn't even sound like that much anymore, but at the time I remember it seemed like an astronomical amount of money. We spent like a hundred dollars to do laundry at the laundry mat. We took every piece of clothes and blankets from our house, washed them all in a day while we bombed the house.
[:[01:00:26] Kelsey Barreto: really hard to get rid of. I, so I am my aunt lives at the house that I'm living at now. And then we have a deaf roommate who lives upstairs. , and she has two cats, but they stay like strictly in her area. And, but my kids were like, my daughter would have bites and I'm like cat flea bites.
[:[01:01:04] Jeff Nesbitt: but fleas are incredible little creatures.
[:[01:01:35] Cause they got those big jumping muscles and they're just. Cool looking bugs and there, they almost seems intelligent. Like when you, uh, this is embarrassing, I'm letting people know how intimately I know fleas, but when you go to grab one off your body, , it sees you coming and it tries to get away.
[:[01:02:04] Kelsey Barreto: Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. Um, we definitely had, I don't think we had them often as kids, but we had animals and I mean, it's a part of bugs
[:[01:02:16] This, this life where we, where we don't have bugs, living on us is a new thing. So get over yourself. Your fancy fucks. Yeah. I mean, I imagine it's really true though. Like before there's electricity and hot indoor plumbing. Oh, I'm sure. And people were
[:[01:02:39] Jeff Nesbitt: you made me feel way better.
[:[01:02:43] Jeff Nesbitt: I don't know. Did you ever get head lice? Oh
[:[01:02:49] Jeff Nesbitt: how many girls.
[:[01:03:07] We would have to take turns. We'd all shower at the same time and say, okay, rotate. And we switched spots who gets the water and it
[:[01:03:20] Kelsey Barreto: basically. Yeah, it was, it was, I mean, it was a fun experience. Not very many people
[:[01:03:29] I have this memory where, um, the police came to my house at the middle of the night and they got us up out of bed and they made us leave the house and go stay in a hotel. And like, when you're a kid, you don't really know what's going on. I mean, my kids do because they ask a thousand questions and for some reason we treat them like adults.
[:[01:04:18] And so any, like grabbed a gun and left his house and she called the cops. Yeah. My dad already knew the guy was going to come kill him. He had told him. And so my dad was already waiting in the bushes with a, with a Springfield rifle, which is now my hunting rifle. Oh, why wouldn't he be exactly like what he was going to let this crazy person come kill his family know like we've got it under control.
[:[01:04:56] that's adventure
[:[01:04:58] Uh, we had [01:05:00] similar things. my first trip to Arizona, I didn't realize it was like. I was almost kidnapped when I got off the bus. And so my mom sent me to Arizona with my grandparents because of my crazy, a crazy guy. And so,
[:[01:05:18] Kelsey Barreto: And so, um, we would go stay at my aunt Tiffany's house.
[:[01:05:42] That's I mean, good job, mom. I had no idea. That was
[:[01:05:52] Kelsey Barreto: Um, my uncle, uh, is if you don't. He seems like a scary guy. So he [01:06:00] was there. The
[:[01:06:06] Kelsey Barreto: Sounds like a good, I know my mom. I mean, he was like a druggie when I was younger and all bad. No, but like now I'm thinking my gosh, mom, you invited a, like a drug addict to live in a trailer outside of our house in battleground. Why would, was it her brother? No, I mean, they just like knew each
[:[01:06:29] No,
[:[01:06:49] Jeff Nesbitt: I did have kind of similar upbringing.
[:[01:06:57] Kelsey Barreto: . I mean, thankfully it panned out from my mom, [01:07:00] this guy. That's who I'm living with now is, and you know, I'm so happy to have that family. Yeah. But I thought at the time I risky, I would not do that now.
[:[01:07:13] Jeff Nesbitt: there's no question. More safety minded, I think, than my parents were, you kind of have to be now our culture has changed a lot. We would be crucified for a lot of the things that parents would get away with 20 years ago. Oh yeah. Like even things that are pretty innocuous, just like the way you talk or like just the way people communicate.
[:[01:07:50] Does somebody just need a yell? Like they just never do. It's very strange.
[:[01:08:13] They did a great job at sheltering us from that, but so going to their house, I would feel, I guess I kind of feel it that way as an adult thinking about it. If I, when I'm around certain people. You know, I feel a little uncomfortable.
[:[01:08:34] Yeah.
[:[01:08:52] it was like battleground little league shirts. But my, I mean, my grandpa is the way he is because he did that kind of stuff. [01:09:00] You know, he, he pinched pennies. She squeezed ketchup packets into bottles for my aunt's wedding, you know,
[:[01:09:14] Do you save it or do you throw it away? You say, oh yeah, I agree. I have them. And I don't even use them because I have money to buy ketchup in bottles. So I don't need ketchup packets, but I still have them just in case. You never know. You
[:[01:09:33] Yeah, but what did we moved? I tossed them all out. So then we had to completely restart, which kind of felt nice.
[:[01:09:44] Kelsey Barreto: No twice. So we thank them and wave goodbye.
[:[01:09:52] Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen that show? Do you watch that show? I watched,
[:[01:09:58] Jeff Nesbitt: actually exactly [01:10:00] one episode. Yeah. I've seen one episode of a lot of shows. It allows you to talk about the show, but not have to spend a whole lot of time actually watching it. There's not a lot of good shows.
[:[01:10:10] Jeff Nesbitt: shows. What are you, what are you, what
[:[01:10:29] So I do them on my iPad now and because my kids will eat puzzle pieces. So I do like a puzzle and I watched a TV show and it gets my mind off everything when I go to sleep. Yeah. Use any other, I, you know, I don't smoke pot or I don't drink, I don't do anything like that to like, relax. So that's what I do.
[:[01:11:00] Kelsey Barreto: listening to the podcast has made me consider meditation. I've never done it. Try
[:[01:11:05] Like immediately before you get back with your kids, because then you'll never have a chance, but seriously, do five minutes in your car, uh, download the Headspace app or calm, or I think that Sam Harris has an app. Russell brand has an app. All the, all the fancy calm people are doing apps, but, um, it really doesn't take a lot of time and it feels really good.
[:[01:11:36] Kelsey Barreto: I think so. I used to babysit Jed, um, when she would like to. Um, and so I, I think during that time, Brooke had told me to download Headspace and I feel like I downloaded it, but I don't think I ever opened it.
[:[01:11:50] Jeff Nesbitt: yeah, I don't use Headspace anymore, but it's a, that's what I would recommend as the first thing. Cause that's what I meditated for years before that. And I never liked [01:12:00] it. I just knew it was good for me, but I thought of it as. It wasn't something that made me feel all that great. It, it would, I started doing it because of, um, nerves around crew.
[:[01:12:34] Yeah. It is not fun. And, uh, so I would get like really bad anxiety about it so much that it would affect my health. Like the, a couple of days leading up to it. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I wouldn't really eat. Right. And it messed with all kinds of it's just like my whole system was like under a threat.
[:[01:13:16] And then Headspace came out and I tried that and suddenly it's game. And then it's like, there's levels, you're accomplishing things. You're, you're making it through a timeline. Like they do all the right things to just activate that game system in our heads that makes us want to do stuff. And then suddenly I was like, oh, this, now I'm getting benefits from this.
[:[01:13:52] Yeah. I could do that. Um, and then after you become accustomed to that, it becomes a practice. And then you start to really realize the benefits [01:14:00] and just your everyday life, because you start to realize that you're using those techniques of finding calm and centered energy in your, in yourself, dish everywhere.
[:[01:14:15] Kelsey Barreto: Definitely not very good at regulating my emotions. So I feel like it would be really beneficial
[:[01:14:22] Kelsey Barreto: I'm a really calm person until some, if I'm provoked, um, my sign as a tourist, so I'm yeah.
[:[01:14:32] Jeff Nesbitt: fine. Everything's good.
[:[01:14:52] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. That's the way I feel most days still, because I don't meditate every day.
[:[01:15:12] Yeah.
[:[01:15:32] And so they're good at that. But you know, sometimes I just want to go walk and I want my kids to keep up, you know, so I throw them in a stroller and I just go like walk cemetery road. And so like walking, you know, the hill, like there's a really steep one or the, so all the loop. Yeah. So
[:[01:15:52] Yeah. I'll
[:[01:16:02] Jeff Nesbitt: feel all the historical geniuses have gone on daily walks. It's like a common theme, like Feinstein to Mozart, to all those guys. They were walking.
[:[01:16:11] Kelsey Barreto: it's easy to get lost in all of the things that need to be done in the day, but I'm yeah. Trying to really make that something that
[:[01:16:31] That's why it's so easy to think when you're walking, whatever thoughts you're having, especially if you're doing like planning or kind of like reflection activities on something you've already done. You get that feedback where you're like, yeah, that's this is going well, this is we're on the right track where I don't get that feeling easily when I'm just sitting.
[:[01:17:02] Kelsey Barreto: I have a hard time when I know that there's like other things that need to be done.
[:[01:17:13] Jeff Nesbitt: No, that's almost like not a thing for grownups parents. I also work. I don't even know what kind of movies I like anymore.
[:[01:17:29] What's on and I'm doing a puzzle and then I stopped doing a puzzle and I'm out. Have
[:[01:17:47] So it's like a bunch of little puzzle pieces that look like things and then they all fit together to make a bigger picture. They're really cool. ,
[:[01:17:57] Jeff Nesbitt: but that would take a long time. Yeah. But yeah,
[:[01:18:11] And so there's no picture nothing. It's just, I, the impossible puzzle.
[:[01:18:22] Kelsey Barreto: There's a lot of things, but I just make nursery science. Cause, cause
[:[01:18:27] Kelsey Barreto: change? Yeah, I I've changed a lot from, cause I would, I make shiplap signs.
[:[01:18:36] Jeff Nesbitt: you hear that word so much. Are those words, is that a compound
[:[01:18:44] Jeff Nesbitt: Okay. Uh, I never heard it until I started watching HGTV. That is a very commonly
[:[01:18:52] Jeff Nesbitt: love shiplap.
[:[01:18:58] Kelsey Barreto: it's shiplap. [01:19:00] Exactly. We, yeah. So I started by cutting out each piece individually and then I would glue them all down. Like I had actually had my husband glue them all down and he'd like space them out evenly.
[:[01:19:35] Yes I need. And I would like to my goal one day is to hire moms or parents. Perhaps people who need job, but
[:[01:19:47] Kelsey Barreto: and get them all mixed together. Big trauma. Yeah. So like, I would like to hire people that need childcare, but like really want to work because I'm somebody I just like to work.
[:[01:20:17] Jeff Nesbitt: day rotation.
[:[01:20:20] Kelsey Barreto: And that's what my goal is. I've got, you know, a TV at a nugget couch for the kids and right now, and like a little play kitchen. And so I'm working on it. But one day I was
[:[01:20:36] You
[:[01:20:37] Jeff Nesbitt: done, nothing done. Like, I, I realized that immediately. I was like, well, I planned on I in my head had a picture like, oh, I'll be up here. Just editing for hours. And Amelia will be down there playing the big kids will pop in and out. It'll be great, but it's not like that at all. If I'm out here for hours, they're in there being mad at me and I'm out here and that's the way it stays until I go back in to be [01:21:00] punished.
[:[01:21:01] Kelsey Barreto: the way I might as well. Just stay out a little bit longer, get this done because I'm going to be punished no matter what.
[:[01:21:18] It's just the economy of time yet to think so much about how you use your time. It's precious. It's
[:[01:21:34] I was like, what are you? I love watching TV. What are you talking about? Don't watch TV. He's like, you love to work. And I'm like, oh, okay. I'm really needing to change. I'm like, um, okay, I'm going to work on that because I, I do love to work, but I also love to spend time with my kids. But when you're overwhelmed, you've got a lot of things going on and you're starting a business.
[:[01:22:04] Jeff Nesbitt: And even though the kid time is what you want to be doing. It is optional. Like, especially for dads, like you don't have to do it. If you don't do it, you're kind of shitty, but you don't have to, and you do have to work because if you don't, you won't be able to buy food.
[:[01:22:36] Kelsey Barreto: My mom worked from home. She was a medical transcriptionist, which isn't a job anymore, but she worked from home my whole life.
[:[01:22:44] Jeff Nesbitt: would that like transcribed doctor's notes.
[:[01:23:01] I went to school with, and she wouldn't tell me who, like certain people were, but like as an adult, she's like, yeah, I didn't let you go over to certain people's houses because I knew things. But, you know, I never tell you or make anything weird, but yeah, it was an interesting job so that she worked from home because she had three kids and then my stepdad had two.
[:[01:23:42] Jeff Nesbitt: know? Yeah.
[:[01:24:08] And uh, so she was making money that way too. And it was just chaos, constant chaos. And, um, it was great and we love each other a lot and it was a, it was a good childhood, but I didn't get it.
[:[01:24:30] You know, I there's been so many things that I've been through, but I'm not, they made me who I am. Exactly. And like, I w I wouldn't be the person I am. If I hadn't, you know, if my dad didn't die when I was 16, you know, I wouldn't be the person I am or understand the person I am. I, I was probably an alcoholic by the time I was 21 and I quit drinking.
[:[01:25:14] Jeff Nesbitt: can't.
[:[01:25:16] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. And I don't, I think that I would be different, you know, now that I'm an adult, cause at the time it was a whole different thing. I, I just lost my dad. I, there was so many things I was going through and
[:[01:25:42] And for me, it's like an IPA
[:[01:25:46] Jeff Nesbitt: No, but when you're, I mean, between 16 and 24, those years are delicate because the world's telling you to get fucked up. And, but they're also telling you to go out and make something of yourself. So it's, it's a very, it's mixed [01:26:00] messages.
[:[01:26:05] Kelsey Barreto: and I think that's what a lot of it was, was battling depression. I didn't realize until I was 23, I went to see a counselor and he was like, you're depressed. And I had no idea that I was
[:[01:26:20] Yeah.
[:[01:26:40] I have to get drunk to have fun.
[:[01:26:46] Kelsey Barreto: not, I tried to have a drink the other day and I was like, I just took a sip and I could feel my face, get red. And I was
[:[01:26:55] Kelsey Barreto: yes. I was like, I do not want to do this. [01:27:00] I can't do it. I had my kids with me and I was just like, I couldn't imagine like being intoxicated and having my kids.
[:[01:27:26] Like my, the way my brain stores memories is not always chronological. It's like theme-based for some reason. So I like, sometimes I don't remember stories in, unless I'm talking about something similar, but I'm pretty sure I don't drink much. Like, yeah, I'll have it. I have usually a drink during the podcast because otherwise I just feel so nervous that when I'm editing it later, I almost can't listen to it.
[:[01:28:11] Kelsey Barreto: I, and I totally see why. I mean, if I wasn't driving, I don't have kids, you know, I just thought that so many things I'm like,
[:[01:28:28] Kelsey Barreto: and check out this square.
[:[01:28:31] Jeff Nesbitt: or, or, or just, they assume right away that you're an alcoholic and I'm not, I've really never been an alcoholic. I was a drug addict. Yeah. Like, um, but the alcohol has, it just makes it feel so shitty. Like I don't like feeling bad drugs that make me feel good. Like, that's, that's a no brainer to me.
[:[01:29:14] He was a great person. He was happy. He was fun. He was all of these things, but he had a two 11 steel reserve with him at all times. Yep. Well, no, he, he really did the cans most of the time. Oh yeah. What was that? 24. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that was the first beer I tried. It's disgusting. It is awful. I don't know how it was probably the cheapest.
[:[01:29:35] Jeff Nesbitt: I worked at jacks. My first job was stocking, like stocking beer jacks, um, was like one of my chores. And I remember the steel reserve was one that was like super cheap. I could afford this. I used to fantasize. That's how I know I was a depressed teenager when I was talking beer. I had never, even, I tasted it.
[:[01:30:02] Kelsey Barreto: outlet. Yeah. It's weird. Uh, I thought, so my dad was really happy even it's just like a good person. And so I thought like my dad's tried every drug in the book, you know, like I found some pictures where I'm for sure he was either on Coke or meth.
[:[01:30:30] Jeff Nesbitt: and your analysis sounds various dude.
[:[01:30:44] So I'm not dying at 55 to ship. Yeah. But it was, you know, it was a fun lesson and now I've got it. All of my crazy out.
[:[01:30:59] Kelsey Barreto: Well, I'm going to [01:31:00] Hawaii next month. So maybe I'll find it there. Yeah.
[:[01:31:04] Kelsey Barreto: yeah. And the whole family, no, this is a girls trip for my best. Friend's 30th birthday. That's going to be fun. Yeah.
[:[01:31:16] Kelsey Barreto: never been to Hawaii or really vacation like that. So I'm pretty excited about it.
[:[01:31:34] Jeff Nesbitt: it'll be a blast. Yeah. Yeah. That's very similar to the trip I took there. I went with Jeff Hilton, um, right after I split up with my first wife.
[:[01:31:55] And the whole time. We didn't drink really. We just like, it was basically a [01:32:00] cleanse and just like one of the most beautiful places on the planet. And I felt great. I meditated for hours every day we played in the ocean, I cut my foot on a broken bottle and I didn't even care. It was like, it was a good trip.
[:[01:32:27] I'm pretty excited about that.
[:[01:32:30] Kelsey Barreto: really cool. I think it's going to be fun.
[:[01:32:36] Kelsey Barreto: four days of young kids.
[:[01:32:41] Kelsey Barreto: your kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of miss them right now and it's been like two hours.
[:[01:32:46] Jeff Nesbitt: yeah, not weird. Yeah. I know my minor in the house and I'm ready to go see them and pretty soon it's like, and they're constantly annoying me
[:[01:32:57] Jeff Nesbitt: It's it's a strange paradox. It's like when I'm around [01:33:00] them, they're they're on my nerves a lot, but I always want to be around them.
[:[01:33:14] Jeff Nesbitt: you know, the good times are right around the corner. Yeah. So those first three months are kind of touch and go, how you doing?
[:[01:33:25] Um, you know, things just aren't, you know, they don't work out, you know, and you can try and force them to as much as you want to.
[:[01:33:42] I S I still don't. Ha how's the relationship with you? You guys are going to be
[:[01:33:50] yeah. And I love him he's he has, he can be a really great guy. Um, but I, he's not the perfect [01:34:00] person for me. And I know I'm not the person for him. Um, I, I changed a lot of who I was to fit into his world and to be the person he wanted me to be. And, and so it's, it's been hard,
[:[01:34:15] Kelsey Barreto: That sucks. Oh, well I'm just ready to move
[:[01:34:19] Kelsey Barreto: feels really good. Yeah. I'm very solid in my decision, but so I'd left once before and then we got back together and then have a third baby. And so now, um, I think it's hard for him to believe that I'm going to stick to it.
[:[01:34:36] Jeff Nesbitt: don't blame him. That sounds confusing. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's messy. I'm sorry. You're going through that. That sucks. But then, you know, you're going to come out of it stronger and learn lessons and all that stuff. People say the cliches are
[:[01:34:59] What
[:[01:35:01] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. Um, He became a felon and then he,
[:[01:35:10] Kelsey Barreto: Like the smallest amounts. And so he, yeah, so he's still a felon because of it. And so, but in order for him to do his probation in Washington, he had to have family here.
[:[01:35:24] Jeff Nesbitt: and green card married a felon. Yeah. You're a good person.
[:[01:35:35] Jeff Nesbitt: Relationships are tricky. Yeah. I have given up on trying to think they're supposed to be any certain way.
[:[01:36:00] I had a very set plan. I was going to like, oh, I don't have to spend money on anybody else. I get to just save all my money. I was going to start a, uh, cannabis farm. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
[:[01:36:15] Jeff Nesbitt: I was going to do it here. Oh, okay. Uh, it was, it was a 2015, so it was like, it was legal. Yeah. Actually I was, I was going to do, industrial hemp.
[:[01:36:40] And the rest is history. You never know what's going to happen. Are you, are you excited to get out there and meet people or you just going to be in mom's zone for awhile?
[:[01:37:09] Jeff Nesbitt: there's way more guys out there than you think that, that want a family.
[:[01:37:29] I've known for years, he was going to make somebody a really good husband. And he's engaged now to Hannah Bolden. A friend of the, I
[:[01:37:42] Jeff Nesbitt: Easy to do. I feel
[:[01:37:47] Jeff Nesbitt: They're used to it. I bet they are. Yeah. Cody after being gone out in Utah for years and then coming back and I bet he gets out.
[:[01:38:02] Jeff Nesbitt: you, we're pretty quiet in school. You weren't, you weren't trying to get a bunch of attention from people, especially like we're older a little bit, not much but older enough to where like, yeah.
[:[01:38:16] no,
[:[01:38:26] Jeff Nesbitt: personality and physical
[:[01:38:37] And they were so intimidating, but they like never showed up for class. And neither did Mr. Garcia, but that's where you was
[:[01:38:48] Kelsey Barreto: probably it probably was. I mean, I had Ryan Blake was in my class and Ryan. Yeah. I haven't talked to him in years.
[:[01:38:57] He's a good dude.
[:[01:39:10] Jeff Nesbitt: I haven't seen either of the Blake brothers for years. I haven't either. I hope they're doing good. Shout
[:[01:39:19] Jeff Nesbitt: Garcia's class.
[:[01:39:25] Jeff Nesbitt: was like shine Norman.
[:[01:39:46] Jeff Nesbitt: I, that makes a lot of sense.
[:[01:39:55] Kelsey Barreto: have anybody. I think I had my first conversation with yeah. Uh, [01:40:00] just like a few weeks ago and he's
[:[01:40:13] He like wants people to like themselves as much as he likes them. Like, it's it's good. Yeah.
[:[01:40:35] Jeff Nesbitt: bad.
[:[01:40:56] He was a senior when I was a freshman and he was the quarterback of the [01:41:00] football team. I was as a freshman and I was the center. So like, um, quarterback center center snapped the ball of the quarterback. Quarterback rests. I basically sent a rest, his balls on the quarterback's hand. They're very close.
[:[01:41:27] So I'm just like, oh my God. The quarterback of the varsity team is put in a good word for me with the head coach. I was like, it was a big deal to me. And, , that like cemented him in my head as like the cool older guy. , and then like fast forward to like seven or eight years later, we're both out of high school.
[:[01:42:03] I'm supposed I'm in excellent shape. This guy. He's like. Trying to punk me and I'm letting them do it. , and like, I know since then we've, we've come to be friends , but I still think of him as,, as older than me, even though in the grand scheme of things, he's not, just like, uh, but something about that is weird.
[:[01:42:35] Kelsey Barreto: not. That's how I feel too.
[:[01:42:55] Jeff Nesbitt: You're a real maker I'm trying to be on.
[:[01:43:07] Kelsey Barreto: It's hard to, put a label on it. I w I was on a ride, a horse ride and they were talking about, she was like, so what do you do? And I was like, well, I have an Etsy shop.
[:[01:43:22] Jeff Nesbitt: an artist.
[:[01:43:39] And I still have a hard time. Like I'm
[:[01:43:47] Kelsey Barreto: like mine isn't art because it's reproduced,
[:[01:44:00] There might not be. I think it's about the way it makes you feel. So I think for something to be art and needs to evoke an emotion and it needs to be intentional and not necessarily the intention that the artist had in mind, but like, it needs to make you feel something. And if it doesn't, it might not be art or it might not be art for you.
[:[01:44:30] Kelsey Barreto: I feel like when I making, so like the first time I made the nursery sign, I felt like it was art.
[:[01:44:37] Jeff Nesbitt: I think because it's creation.
[:[01:44:59] [01:45:00] It's exciting to make something like this. Yeah. Cause I don't do it. So that's the novelty of
[:[01:45:16] Which that makes to me that tells me that it probably was art because it's, it's something that you just had to make because it was in there and it came out.
[:[01:45:28] Jeff Nesbitt: That's great. Congratulations. That's such a huge accomplishment.
[:[01:45:36] I mean, that's great. Yeah. And, uh, I never did. I think that I would have that many sales I'd see shops with like 300 sales and I'm like, damn, what are they doing now? I'm like, yeah, no big deal. Just gotta grind. Yeah. And I also sell digital files. And if T's
[:[01:45:55] Kelsey Barreto: I don't know anything.
[:[01:46:05] Kelsey Barreto: So I, so, so I just said I bought an iPad so I could learn to like hand letter on the iPad and I'm like learning so cool.
[:[01:46:18] Kelsey Barreto: It's really awesome.
[:[01:46:40] And so I made the file and I sell it and you know, I've sold it 136 times and it's $8
[:[01:46:50] brilliant.
[:[01:46:57] Jeff Nesbitt: that.
[:[01:47:09] Kelsey Barreto: If I, if I, I'm not, I'm not super creative like that. So that would just happen to be an idea, steal
[:[01:47:20] What I do for, when I'm trying to stimulate some kind of creative energy is I just go look at what other people made. And I don't ever feel like I'm copying people because it's, I'm weird. So what I make is not going to be like what they made.
[:[01:47:43] And then I make my own.
[:[01:47:52] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And that's how it works with lasers. And I know how to do pretty much everything on the computer [01:48:00] to make anything I'd want to.
[:[01:48:17] Jeff Nesbitt: Oh, I do know what that is. Yeah. I learned about that on a Khan academy. Okay. Have you ever done those? It's like a free school online.
[:[01:48:46] Kelsey Barreto: I did one where I paid, or I did like the free subscription or something and then canceled it because I got charged $97 or something for, or for six months. I can't remember. It was something silly, but it was really [01:49:00] cool. I like taking classes like that where it's not a no pressure. Yeah. You know, if I don't like it, I just, but
[:[01:49:15] But now it's like, I get to sit here and just do nothing but learn. Yeah. That's exciting. I don't get to do that much. That's
[:[01:49:26] Jeff Nesbitt: Nobody bothers you,
[:[01:49:32] Yeah, yeah.
[:[01:49:39] Kelsey Barreto: but my first she had her days and nights mixed up for the first like five months. And I could not figure it out. Thankfully it was a stay-at-home mom. So we just went to bed around six o'clock in the morning and woke up at two in the afternoon and then just sort of
[:[01:49:54] Oh my God. That
[:[01:50:00] Jeff Nesbitt: People have been doing it since the Dawn of time. Like you just figure it out. She's a bad-ass now. So do you have any kids in your bed still? Oh, they're all
[:[01:50:09] Jeff Nesbitt: We've still got a three-year-old we actually, now we've moved her from our bed to the.
[:[01:50:27] Kelsey Barreto: He's not going to be there forever. And it'll be nice for her to come back and feel comfort. Yeah. Yeah. So I, we all share a bedroom, so I just bought a king size bed and we all just share a bed.
[:[01:51:00] Okay. Okay. Yeah. Cause I remember I was like nine months pregnant. Yeah. And, um, we went broke and I went on a walk. We walked from my house down on pine street, down here to the park. And, um, your wife came out with your newborn and she w she walked with us a little bit and Abby was like, ha my, uh, who's now five was having a meltdown and crying and throwing a tantrum.
[:[01:51:41] Jeff Nesbitt: There's almost nothing that like a person under three years old, three years old or below, actually really, even more than that five years old and below, I don't think they can embarrass me in public unless they like call me out on something.
[:[01:52:09] Kelsey Barreto: the guy's like, oh, what a good dad? And a mom is like, I can't believe she would let her cry like that.
[:[01:52:24] Kelsey Barreto: he did that. He doesn't have to do that.
[:[01:52:32] Kelsey Barreto: I do the same thing and I don't need to, you know, but so my daughter, uh, we were at Fred Meyer and she was, I was nine months pregnant and she was kicking my stomach and throwing, throwing a fit, making it impossible.
[:[01:52:52] Jeff Nesbitt: walking. That's a classic move. I do that all the time. Yeah. I did it 20 minutes before we did this podcast.
[:[01:53:02] Jeff Nesbitt: and I would just drive away and leave your daughter in Fred Meyer.
[:[01:53:18] Jeff Nesbitt: you're spraying your kids. I have, yeah, me too. And it sucks. It does. It's a
[:[01:53:29] I
[:[01:53:31] Kelsey Barreto: I mean, my son, it was a biggest fear. Ran into the, um, it's called the hallway into the barn. Where all the horses were. Oh my God. When I had walked into the pasture just to kick out one of the main horses I came back in and he was standing in the middle of all of these horses, completely loose running around.
[:[01:53:52] Jeff Nesbitt: I feel so much anxiety just hearing,
[:[01:54:14] Jeff Nesbitt: You know, they need to know there has to be a way to communicate that intensity to a kid who doesn't understand it in context and pain is a really powerful teacher. And it's not the same thing as injury. Like, you don't want to bruise the kids, but, but yeah, a little spank is, is a quick way to say like, This is not up for negotiation in this day and age, most things are, yeah, this is not, you're not going to go play around the horse hooves.
[:[01:54:58] But it's, it's not the same thing [01:55:00] as child abuse. And it's, it's, there's an easy, it's an easy slippery slope. W if you let anger become involved, if you're spanking your kid, while you're angry, it's probably, it's probably not appropriate. And you'll feel that like, you will feel that, uh, but if you let yourself calm down and then you still feel like I have to teach the lesson, like something needs to happen.
[:[01:55:41] Yeah. And then it's like the buildup to it's really what all the punishment is. Anyway. Like I remember that as a kid, it was not the actual spanking doesn't hurt. I get punched all the time by my brother.
[:[01:55:59] [01:56:00] One time though, she put two ASCO on my tongue and made my, and smacked my feet, but my siblings were spanked. Um, and I don't know, it was just like pretty,
[:[01:56:22] Kelsey Barreto: and I'm, I hate that, you know, I hate, um, I couldn't imagine doing it.
[:[01:56:34] Jeff Nesbitt: why was I do, why was I acting out so much? What was going on?
[:[01:56:44] Jeff Nesbitt: Exactly. I don't hold it against them at all. Also it says in the Bible spare, the rod spoil the child.
[:[01:56:56] The phrase, spare the rod spoil the child is not biblical at [01:57:00] all. It was not from the Bible. let's see the phrase actually comes from a narrative poem written in the 16 hundreds, by Samuel Butler. The two main characters are planning on starting a love affair. And one of the characters asks the other to engage in sadomasochism and flagellation before she will go to bed with him.
[:[01:57:33] Wow. I don't know how this phrase got mixed up and confused with Bible stuff, but. I found this pretty interesting because I've my entire life heard people use that phrase and quote. The Bible. But there is a good chance. That the confusion comes from a. Misquote. So corporal punishment does not have its basis in the Bible. And when one examines this first.
[:[01:58:13] Why would you beat a sheep? Sparing the rod in that sense means that a parent must guide his child. His or her child and teach them right from wrong. The word discipline comes from the same root word as disciple and disciple is teaching training, setting an example of proper behavior
[:[01:58:49] And it teaches that the method of dealing with people who don't do what you want them to do is to hit them. It creates fear and children do not learn in an atmosphere of fear. [01:59:00]
[:[01:59:13] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. I, it's hard to know where. How often, or I feel like I found a pretty good balance with, I hardly ever spank my kids, but I feel like I also don't feel like I'm abusing them now when other people would call me, you know, an abusive mother, probably people without kids.
[:[01:59:42] Jeff Nesbitt: No doubt. My kids are the type who are going to shake things up. And every once in a while they make a mistake. Like those, not just kids, but people, those types of people make mistakes.
[:[01:59:56] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. So at my aunt's house, there's baby gates up. And [02:00:00] for one of the little girl who comes often, she just sees the gate and okay, cool. And my son sees a gate and says, you know, pushes it over. And she's like, we definitely need those types in the world, you know?
[:[02:00:20] Jeff Nesbitt: it's a sacrifice that you're making for the world, because those really are the people who go on to do things like they, there was the world shakers. Yeah. And that's, those people are very important, especially, I mean, not especially now that's a little hyperbolic, but all the time.
[:[02:00:38] Kelsey Barreto: I think, you know, um, I'm a mom, but I think there'll be pretty great. Hopefully I'm doing things right. Sounds like
[:[02:00:50] Kelsey Barreto: I listened to the way that you guys talked about your parents and I'm just like, as long as I love them and I'm doing my best, I hope that that's what they, [02:01:00] they understand at the end of the day that no matter what I was trying to make the best decision,
[:[02:01:19] People will forget what you did, but they won't forget how you made them feel.
[:[02:01:24] Jeff Nesbitt: really recently I saw it as something that most people have probably seen. Whoever's listening,
[:[02:01:34] Jeff Nesbitt: wallet. That's where I went to eat there the other night.
[:[02:01:39] Kelsey Barreto: I, I remember it because it stuck with me. It's true. It is really true. It doesn't matter, you know, if some of the things that you say yeah. And then the feelings,
[:[02:01:53] And when it's your parents, you remember both, both ends of the spectrum. So if you, if you balance it [02:02:00] out to be heavier on the level, The scale is going to drop that way. And that's what they're going to remember the most. And that's what happened with my parents. My parents loved us so much and I never had any doubt in my mind.
[:[02:02:32] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. And yeah, when you have kids, at least most people, when you have kids, you just love them fierce that part's so easy. It is. It's weird. It's hard. Cause like, I'm like my sister's a drug addict. And so my little sister has, is getting custody of her almost one year old and her seven year old. And so, you know, it's like, I go from, how on earth could you imagine?
[:[02:03:14] So I do get it. I understand. But
[:[02:03:42] And, and if you see, and that's a delusion, it's not true. So if you're thinking that right now, it's not true people, don't actually love that stuff about you. They hate it. Um, what they actually love about you is what you're covering up with those drugs. But, um,
[:[02:04:08] Yeah. And so, so then they'd go back to where it's comfortable with the, you know, at the trap house or, you know, so it's, it's so hard because I've got a lot of family who is off on that other side and that other world, and it sucks. It sucks because he was like, you know, you would be so loved and welcomed back.
[:[02:04:31] Jeff Nesbitt: It's really hard, but it's supposed to be that's life. Like it doesn't really get easy ever. Like I think when people fall into that drug. They think all of a sudden things are easy because it feels easy when you're high. It's just like, oh my God, finally, I found something that just takes a little bit of this weight off of me.
[:[02:05:10] And for some reason that really weighs heavy on people. And so if you've carried that your whole life, and now suddenly you find this easy button, which I was calling it a little while ago, I liked that he pushed the easy button and then suddenly things seem less heavy. And then I don't know, you just get sucked in.
[:[02:05:28] Kelsey Barreto: it and it is not good. It is. It's easy. I mean, I remember after birth, you know, taking the prescriptions that I'm prescribed, I'm supposed to take them, but I could feel like I could, I could absolutely be addicted to them. There's no doubt about it, but, and I'd have to like really, like, I'd stopped taking my pain meds really early after my C-section because I, I could smart.
[:[02:06:02] Jeff Nesbitt: you start to feel like eventually, like you feel more like yourself when you're on them. That's bad. Yeah. Yeah.
[:[02:06:12] Jeff Nesbitt: that's a huge thing. Like it is, I actually like the human from
[:[02:06:16] It was an easier recovery for me than to vaginal births silly. But my case is a lot different than other people. I think both, I had both my girls, their shoulders got stuck on my pelvic bone
[:[02:06:31] Kelsey Barreto: So it's called shoulder dystocia. I'd have a male nurse come in and use all of his force on my stomach to push their shoulder down and under my pelvic bone, that
[:[02:06:44] Kelsey Barreto: Yeah. I mean, I don't, I didn't bother me. I had an epidural and I didn't, um, I had been pushing for so long. I was just so out of it, everybody else was super traumatized, but they were like, you're not doing that again.
[:[02:07:01] Kelsey Barreto: I'm thinking that's why my, my recovery after those births was so much harder than my recovery from a C-section. Yeah. So it's
[:[02:07:17] Kelsey Barreto: training to be a birthday. But you have done so many things. I mean, I just try things that I like and I love it.
[:[02:07:44] And then it ended up not working or like I, my laser business took off and the doula thing I got pregnant again. And it's hard to
[:[02:07:57] Kelsey Barreto: is, but I've definitely [02:08:00] seen, I've seen several births now and it's cool. It is so
[:[02:08:06] Kelsey Barreto: I've ever seen.
[:[02:08:19] Jeff Nesbitt: crying at a wedding when you don't even know the couple very well, except times a thousand. Yeah.
[:[02:08:27] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. I, I'm a major fan. I I'm happy that we're set with three, but if I didn't have a vasectomy, I could probably deal with one more. Wouldn't wouldn't hurt my feelings if we got pregnant again. But I'm, my wife is definitely not in that boat. I can, I feel
[:[02:08:48] I love them. I love, but then they become toddlers and then they're assholes and it's hard to
[:[02:08:55] Kelsey Barreto: mobile. Yeah. And they talk,
[:[02:09:13] It's
[:[02:09:26] Jeff Nesbitt: A little bit. I wish I could. It's so weird when you start to see that go away and like, uh, like this, the daughter that is around the same age as Amelia.
[:[02:09:53] Mirror neurons are like, uh, I think it's more for motor systems. Like, uh, like if you see, actually that might not be [02:10:00] true. I don't know. I know mirror neurons are something we have and like only a few other animals have them like elephants and some chimpanzees or something. Um, but I think there are about like, Replicating motor movements.
[:[02:10:23] Kelsey Barreto: It's like psychology. I think,
[:[02:10:31] I just like, when you said that I was like, oh, something I know about. And I was like, wait a minute. Where is it? I find the knowledge it's rattling around in there somewhere. But
[:[02:10:47] Jeff Nesbitt: is. Yeah. Do they even have one?
[:[02:10:52] Kelsey Barreto: I can tell you that. Yeah.
[:[02:11:09] Yeah. It's, it's really more of just like, sometimes you're just not in the mood to talk anymore. Yeah. It's like, Ugh. I'm an introvert. I like, I don't talk to people much. So this is like, when I do it, but this was easy. It was fun. And I feel like I got to know you a lot better.
[:[02:11:30] Kelsey Barreto: if you're thinking about branching out and trying something now, do it just go.
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