Celebrate National Hispanic Heritage Month with Cindy Guzman

Cindy Guzman

Jeff Intro

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[00:00:28] All wet the spider. I was just like covered with Dew, like something that would make a really nice artistic photograph, little water droplets dripping off of a spider web, but not something you want in your face at 4:00 AM. So that just happened. I shook it off literally and figuratively. I wasn't going to let that throw a wet blanket on my mood.

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[00:01:17] They really want to stay in the bed. So I've been sleeping on the couch. Sometimes next to her, she's on, we have like a sectional and she takes one section. I'll take the other section, but yeah, it's, it's not that bad, but it's a short it's short. So I, my legs hang over the edge of the couch and it's not great.

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[00:02:06] He's just so funny. And it's just a shame I used to watch his movie dirty work with RD. Lang not, not a very popular movie. I don't know why it didn't do well. I thought it was. It also had shooter McGavin in it. I don't know what that guy's real name is. Nobody does, but he'll always be shooter McGavin to me.

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[00:02:56] Norm MacDonald. You were one of the greats, [00:03:00] but yeah, I woke up feeling good thought I'd get out here and record this intro. So I could put up this episode, you know, at a reasonable time and yeah, bam hit in the face with a spider. No. Good. No good. It's spider season. That's what we call it out here. At least that's what I call it.

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[00:03:42] Hood to coast, the big relay halfway through the race, you have to stop and wait for the other van. So the best plan there is to find a place and get some sleep. So the place we stopped is basically a giant field out in the middle of nowhere. [00:04:00] There's vehicles, everywhere, hundreds of vans in and out, and kind of dispersed amongst the cars are just all these people asleep in sleeping.

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[00:04:36] Not a wise move. I could just, I just wasn't going to do that. So I was like, all right, I got to find a better option. So I'm scouting, I'm looking around trying to find a better place to sleep. Something like behind a tree or a fence where there's some kind of protection, um, where I'm not going to get ran over.

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[00:05:18] And all of a sudden we hear all these people freaking out. And apparently what happened is somebody got a little crazy decided I'm going to take the. Honey bucket truck, first bin. And they crawled up in the honey bucket truck, the shit pumper truck, while it was a sitting there idling while the person who was driving, it was probably pumping a shitter and they drove and they ran over people.

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[00:06:08] I'm going to go find a better place to sleep. And we only get asleep a couple of hours anyway, like maybe two or three hours. It was four in the morning. How do you get up at six? Yeah, two hours. So. I'm looking around and towards the edge of the parking lot. I see a fence, so I go towards it and it's pretty close to where we were parked.

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[00:06:46] I'm basing this all off a little house on the Prairie, but it was one of those and I'm like, all right, this is going to work. And you could see a little bit from the moon. It was, it was not completely pitch black. [00:07:00] I was like over, underneath the shade of a beautiful pine tree. So I lay out my sleeping bag.

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[00:07:36] I remember reaching for it and like picking up pine cones and chucking them because that was like, oh, that's not my phone, but I fall right to sleep four in the morning, got to get up at six there's people everywhere. And you know, it just doesn't matter. I'm so tired. So I just fall right asleep.

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[00:08:23] I was like, fuck, that kind of hurt. Oh, well it was probably just a piece of grass bending in the wind tickling my face. No big deal. I won't worry about it. I'm just going to try to get some more sleep. So I closed my eyes kind of drift off again for another five, 10. And then it, I realized it's it's about time to get up.

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[00:09:12] So I was like, oh shit. Certainly was not a piece of grass bending in the wind. That was a spider coming up to my eyeball, probably to take a drink or bite me in the eye who knows. But that little pinch I felt at the corner of my eye was that little motherfucker biting. He bit me in the face, right. As I'm smacking him off.

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[00:09:57] Horseshit is the least disgusting [00:10:00] of the shit, humans, the worst. You all know that God, I hate walking through human shit. That's the worst pretty frequently when I need to pull over and pee. And 1 0 1 is a very popular road for travelers. So you start to realize there's a lot of people pulling over, not just to pee, but also to poop.

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[00:10:43] Never have. And I know a lot of people don't like them and a lot of people are little bitches about it. Jeff Hilton, but I'm not, I actually bought a special gun that shoots salt crystals, like regular table [00:11:00] salt. I don't put regular table salt in it. I'm a little fancier than that. I bought the high-performance salt from the company and it just it's basically like.

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[00:11:35] I shoot. I could shoot a human with it. My, my son shot my nephew point blank range in the face just to see what would happen. And I'll tell you this he's been spider free ever since. So maybe it worked. I don't know. But anyway, I called the, uh, the assault rifle. Get it. Cause it's assault rival. [00:12:00] That's probably what it's called.

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[00:12:27] If you want to just make a regular one-time donation, you can do that too. Through paypal@ramblebytheriver.com and it'll walk you through. So you don't have to do any of that. The show will still be free on apple podcasts and Spotify, but if you like it and you want it to keep going and you want to be a part of that by making a contribution, I'll take your money and thank you.

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[00:13:09] Special shout out to Diana Kirk and PMT. Our newest Patrion subscribers, both previous guests on ramble by the river. So thank you guys so much for being a part of the Ram fam. So today is the first day of national Hispanic heritage month and I shit, you not, this was a complete coincidence. Today, my guest is Cindy Guzman, who is a person of Hispanic heritage.

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[00:13:59] Just [00:14:00] kind of fell into place. And then I went online, just kind of looking for current events and stuff to talk about in the intro and see that today's the first day of Hispanic heritage month. So I just think this is perfect. Cindy Guzman is a friend of mine from high school. You guys heard a little clip of this interview already in last week's episode, but yeah, this is the whole shebang and we talk about what it's like to be.

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[00:14:42] And she talks about that and some of the impacts and things that helped her realize about herself. It's a pretty good podcast. So I hope you enjoy. Cindy has some great tips about how to live your life in a way that creates perspective. She's done it herself. I think she learned it from her mom. And you'll hear about that in the [00:15:00] episode, but it's good.

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interview

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[00:00:01] Jeff Nesbitt: nice.

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[00:00:04] Cindy Guzman: I'm excited for this.

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[00:00:13] Jeff Nesbitt: good stuff. So yeah. Being a parent parent, especially now on your mind, feel very important

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[00:00:24] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. I know. How many

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[00:00:29] Jeff Nesbitt: That's a lot of kids.

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[00:00:31] Cindy Guzman: to feed it is, but we've made it. We've made it. We've been good. We've been, we've been doing good. You know, it's, it's these doors, you have to open up for yourself. Like, what do you mean exactly? Um, you could stay in the stigma. You could stay in the label that you are prone to. Uh, but you, you you're the one, it takes only you to break down all those

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[00:00:59] Okay. [00:01:00] Yeah. 100%. Yeah. I like where you're going. Yeah. Um, you mean like on a personal level the story that you've been telling yourself for however long, that creates who you are to

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[00:01:11] Oh, I have, there's a lot of stories that I could have stayed stuck and it wasn't me. It wasn't for me. It really, I looked at it as a wait, why am I in this position? I can work. I can move. You know, I measure myself by ears. You know, I'm not in the same spot as I was last year as I am today. I wasn't the same person two years ago, three years ago.

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[00:01:38] Jeff Nesbitt: like yeah. Paying attention and noticing the small differences.

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[00:02:02] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. Right on. Yeah. just before we get too deep into it, I want to make sure all the audio sounding good. So I'm going to put on the headphones for a second. Okay. You're good.

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[00:02:13] Jeff Nesbitt: group. We're good.

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[00:02:34] Oh, I see what you mean. Um, and just little stuff like that, that you don't even know that, you know, like you like memorize the soundscape of your podcasts.

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[00:02:44] Jeff Nesbitt: Um, so you asked to come on the show a while back now we've had busy schedules and had to, you know, make it work, but I was happy cause it's just shows me that people are actually interested in

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[00:03:07] Just do it ask, you know, if you don't don't live, oh, I wish I would have done that. Or, you know, don't live by that method because that's not gonna get you anywhere.

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[00:03:22] I wanted so bad that, or actually a lot of people say, I wish I would've spent more time with my family and this certainly isn't giving me that. But, um,

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[00:03:38] I mean, I might say yes. And it might sound good at that time. So say, you know, it works, you really have to take in what you say, especially with kids take your own advice because it really, you or your monkey see monkey. Do you want you're modeling

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[00:03:56] Yeah. Taking chances is hard at any age. And I think [00:04:00] that that no hurts worse for some people. Like I do not like rejection. I mean, that's a redundant thing to say, nobody likes rejection, but I hate it so much that I will actively avoid things where it's even a possibility. Yeah. So like, I didn't date until I was like almost done with high school.

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[00:04:22] Cindy Guzman: that was why you say that's, that's true. A lot of people just avoid rejection.

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[00:04:31] Yes. Texting itself at all.

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[00:04:50] But let's have a little positive talk here, you know? Yeah. You've come so far. You got to believe in yourself. If you are putting the work in, you got to also follow [00:05:00] through you. Can't yeah. Yep. Not do it or because you're scared. Fear, conquers and fear, you know, is, is look at our world right now.

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[00:05:10] Fear-based decisions are pretty much only good when it's in a survival situation. That's what fear for keep you alive. But when you're just fear, and discomfort, you got to just push through.

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[00:05:26] I'm like, I know I'm right. Listen to me.

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[00:05:36] Cindy Guzman: that. He's a talented man and, and I'm very blessed that he. He's just an amazing man. And he just does everything poor, our poor house.

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[00:05:56] Jeff Nesbitt: So when you're a contractor, the last thing you want to do is go home [00:06:00] and work

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[00:06:08] He takes

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[00:06:26] They all had damaged. Like that was all there before

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[00:06:40] Jeff Nesbitt: how'd you two meet,

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[00:06:50] Jeff Nesbitt: Oh really?

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[00:06:57] what

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[00:07:17] And his body was just kinda, I mean it through Cesar and I always called him our Cupid because as he would, he knew who to match. And, uh, it was at a soccer game. And when they had the league in Warrington, this was many years ago. And, my husband was young right out. He's telling me, well, you're pretty old now, you know?

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[00:08:05] Wow.

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[00:08:08] Cindy Guzman: and Caesar was the one who always, oh, you should talk to him. He's I know he's a good guy, but you know, I'm not ready for that yet. You know, I'm not ready for, for that commitment yet. And you know, I'm glad I listened to him. So I, if that I, Cesar was in my life for a purpose and reason, and I feel like he, he did his job with me and I, you know, we have always been close.

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[00:08:41] Jeff Nesbitt: That's he was such a nice guy. Like I haven't talked to him since high school, but, um, yeah. I've actually talking about him on this show. Yeah. In sixth grade, when I had an bathroom accident at camp, he stuck up, stuck up for me and told everybody to shut the fuck up.

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[00:09:02] Cindy Guzman: He's he's the big brother. He was a nurture. He was very noble to anybody. Very loyal and no one, no one, no one, no one, no one has ever had our backs like he has. And it's crazy because yeah, he, he will be missed, you know, the last conversation where I was like a couple of weeks ago and he always checked in with us, Hey, how are you guys doing?

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[00:09:46] All his family has always been involved with us. So, I mean, you guys, family, friends, or family? Friends I met. Yeah, they did. Um, when my husband came from Mexico, his family. Cesar's [00:10:00] family took him in as one of his own and gave him hospitality. Cool. So the F from the beginning, like this family has always been really great parents.

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[00:10:38] But now, you know, we, we look at all the beautiful things he has left in everybody's lives because he lives in our memories.

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[00:10:50] Cindy Guzman: Oh, absolutely. Um, here is on your page, right? It is on my page. Anybody, you know, can please, please, please help [00:11:00] Cesar's family.

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[00:11:14] Jeff Nesbitt: Hey guys, it's Jeff here. I just wanted to let you know that there is a link to that GoFundMe page in the show notes. So go ahead and head on over there. If you feel generous and you feel like helping out Caesar's family with hospital bills and funeral costs and things like that, I know they could use the help.

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[00:11:35] Jeff Nesbitt: Um, but yeah, so go to the show notes and find that link on the GoFundMe and help contribute for funeral costs and stuff for our old friend Caesar. He's uh,

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[00:11:49] He was funny, funny as hell. Like he, he was a good

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[00:12:01] Cindy Guzman: guy. There are jolly old, sees a big brother Caesar.

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[00:12:11] Yes. Is that just be like, because that's how humans are. We tend to group up with people who are the most like us or, or is that intentional? Do you guys watch out for each other,

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[00:12:38] And it's always interesting to see how accepting it was, but there was some, some kids, you know, that. Didn't get to experience that. And I just feel like it was probably their fear and it was probably them holding back. But the same thing [00:13:00] happens when you go to Mexico because we would travel to Mexico.

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[00:13:19] Jeff Nesbitt: me. Oh, you went to school down there? I didn't know that.

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[00:13:29] Yeah, it's really cool. It's really funny.

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[00:13:34] Cindy Guzman: Some areas. Well, if you know me truck on it's, uh, run by the drug cartels now, and it's, it's scary, but if you mind your mind your own and do your thing and not, you know, interfere with anything.

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[00:13:51] 2006? Yes. That was like cartels down. There were just not quite as powerful. It seems like they've started to come up over the hill and [00:14:00] down the other side. Is that true? I've heard that the there's been reductions in

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[00:14:09] Jeff Nesbitt: And that was great.

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[00:14:11] Cindy Guzman: you so much. And unfortunately, all these deaths and stuff that you hear is people that have been. Either at the wrong place at the wrong time, or just, you know, bad luck. I'm sorry. You know?

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[00:14:29] Cindy Guzman: story, you know, and same scenario, that's wrong, wrong place, wrong time, you know, um, confusion, something.

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[00:14:38] Jeff Nesbitt: don't know. They're like, what do you get your family out of the cartel area? If you

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[00:14:56] Cause according to her, I guess we weren't, uh, [00:15:00] she thought that we were going to cry and say, mom, take us back because, but you know what? We stayed a whole entire year and we did not want to come back. And it was just amazing. Everything, the culture, the colors, traditions, you know, it's unfortunate because you don't see that here, but you live at down there and you're like, oh my gosh, this is just

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[00:15:20] That said a lot that we, Americans don't have a lot of culture, but we do. It's just not pleasant culture. It's a lot of like complaining and a lot of like, um, you know, sexualized commercialized. It's like Hollywood is American culture, Hollywood, the wild west, that kind of stuff. But that's not really what it's like to be here for most people.

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[00:16:02] Cool. And

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[00:16:28] Jeff Nesbitt: and, but it's constant.

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[00:16:47] And those who are offended on behalf of others under principle, which is not really the same thing and also not necessary in most

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[00:17:12] Just maturity. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I, when I see someone struggle, obviously I'm not just going to be like a bystander, not help. Like it's in my nature. I've always been that way. I've always wanted to help and I've always wanted to do the right thing. You know, whether my mom was there or not. And I mentioned my mom a lot just because.

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[00:17:39] Jeff Nesbitt: it's important for that.

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[00:17:52] Um, when we were eight, my parents and my dad had, uh, you know, got remarried and had kids and [00:18:00] stuff. Um, so he was busy with his life and I'm not saying, yeah, things could have been different. That's tough. I, you know, I don't hold any resentment because I have a great relationship with my father now.

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[00:18:14] Cindy Guzman: No, absolutely not. And My dad's family, means so much to me, his wife, um, his kids, like we are so tight, everybody I'm close with my mom and we're tight and that's rare, especially in, and it's not easy dealt with. It's not. And you know, they're always welcomed to my, like to my house.

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[00:19:00] It's unity. It's, it's, it's huge. And you know, you know, like I mentioned, I was in Mexico and you don't see that down there, people down there are very, I say, I want to say, you know, they're very angry at times and they don't know why, and they don't know where to direct their anger. Can you expand on that a little bit?

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[00:19:43] Because if you're just continuing and making the same mistakes over and over again, your outcome is going to be the same. Yeah.

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[00:20:02] Oh, it's

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[00:20:07] Jeff Nesbitt: percent be

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[00:20:23] I see a lot of people that are angry and I'm not like that, you know? And I just look at them, I'm like, what are you talking about? You know, let's change this, you know? And I was able to change a lot of my friends mindset just because it was taught to them. And I would tell them, you know, you need to break these chains.

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[00:20:57] You know, I was out there with my uncle [00:21:00] doing, Because my, because my family, you know, they have a tomato farm down in Mexico and I was there five o'clock in the morning with my uncle here. I am thinking, I'm going to get a little bit of wage because it's out in the sun, it was 90 degrees. There's no shade.

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[00:21:35] Jeff Nesbitt: for two weeks.

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[00:21:53] Cindy Guzman: 10 bucks.

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[00:22:13] It takes that one person to accept it and change it and find a different dynamic that works. Yep. 100%. So, I mean, I'm, I'm very blessed with that because I could, I could have been angry at my mom and I could have been like, mom, why'd you take us? This isn't for me, you know, I could have been all diva.

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[00:23:01] I mean, very humbled. And they offered me more than they could have ever imagined. I was accepted for who I was. And I sometimes felt like I didn't have that here. And it's not because, oh yeah. You know, she's, you know, she's good. She knows how to go through, you know, life and seven. It was, it was never, I, you know, it was never given to me.

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[00:23:32] Jeff Nesbitt: were born here, right? I was born here. So wha how'd your parents come over?

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[00:23:49] Jeff Nesbitt: or my dad.

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[00:23:59] Jeff Nesbitt: [00:24:00] but well, just the legality of everything is what makes it weird. Like they're great stories. I love hearing about people successfully finding a better home, but yeah, no, if, uh, Maybe we'll cut this out just in case.

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[00:24:39] And I know like,

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[00:24:41] Cindy Guzman: conceptualize it. It's the government sometimes down there it's corrupt. So the opportunities you're wanting to do it the right way, but you're not given the opportunity right off the back from the government down there. And

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[00:24:54] Yes. So I assume no one has more money than them. They have more guns than them. They're [00:25:00] probably in charge.

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[00:25:16] So, you know, they try doing it the right way, but it's the opportunity is always shut down or it's

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[00:25:33] Cindy Guzman: of ways, and that's the number one thing that my mom wanted us.

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[00:25:56] And I think that intimidated her and she probably felt like, oh my [00:26:00] gosh, I'm going to end up losing one of my girls. And

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[00:26:08] Cindy Guzman: And

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[00:26:12] Cindy Guzman: And as she, she was scared

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[00:26:15] Cindy Guzman: melting pot.

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[00:26:39] Cindy Guzman:

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[00:26:47] Jeff Nesbitt: it wasn't yeah. Still a strong minority though. And the cultural traditions aren't going to be the same. It's still gonna feel kind of campy if you're trying to keep that, carry it through and do it here in the

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[00:26:57] Yeah. Just see it, you know, you just want to [00:27:00] embrace it more now. I mean, I embrace it, you know, more than anything just because I always, I've always been very, uh, cultural aware of who I am. At a very early age. I never hid who I was. And it's interesting that a lot of people always tell me you don't have an accent.

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[00:27:24] Cindy Guzman: have been born here? I grew up here, but I will say kindergarten. I did not know one word of English really, because my parents only spoke Spanish. So English

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[00:27:36] Cindy Guzman: is. But, uh, I see people who have lost their Spanish and just, but you can talk to them and they'll respond, you know, you've talked in Spanish and they'll respond to you.

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[00:27:47] Jeff Nesbitt: either you can talk to me in Spanish and I'll respond to you.

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[00:27:55] Jeff Nesbitt: but I mean, based on context, cause I'm answering a couple of years of Spanish and I do, I know some words [00:28:00] I can write down stuff in Spanish. Um, but when I went to Mexico, I couldn't communicate with anybody I had to have.

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[00:28:19] Cindy Guzman: translating people are so impressed because you know, working at the school district, how do you do it? I'm like, you know what, there's a switch in my brain that automatically does it.

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[00:28:35] Jeff Nesbitt: that. Yeah, it filters it right straight through. It's crazy. High, high computational load.

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[00:28:45] Jeff Nesbitt: I don't practice at all, but I should. It's good for your brains. That's why they say it's so much harder to learn a language as an adult.

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[00:28:54] Cindy Guzman: It's funny because my. She's she's our little diva. And [00:29:00] I think she had your, your wife as a teacher. It's funny because she says that she doesn't speak any Spanish, but yet again, we speak a hundred percent Spanish at home and we'll, you know, it was like, Hey, how do you say apple?

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[00:29:19] yeah,

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[00:29:35] Jeff Nesbitt: anymore.

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[00:29:56] And then like, grandma will come in and be like, oh, do that for grandma. What are [00:30:00] you talking

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[00:30:16] I'm not your mom. He's like,

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[00:30:30] Um, and just being like, no, no chance. I'll wait until you're not expecting it. Then I'll blow you away. We'll die of laughter. But until then, it's all.

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[00:30:50] And you know, we call her a little diva because you know, oh, she's all into germs. I don't want to touch that. Cause you touched that germs just versus my oldest [00:31:00] mom. It's okay. We'll wash it. It's okay, mom, we'll get it. You know, she's more calm. Yeah. It's okay. Mom, Emily, you know, just relax. You know, it's just, she's been very, always neutral.

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[00:31:23] Jeff Nesbitt: So when you have that many kids, how do you do anything?

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[00:31:40] They fight like sisters, they interact like sisters, no cousins, you know, it's always, it's all the same. And that's how it is in the Mexican culture. So, okay.

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[00:31:52] Cindy Guzman: My mom is only two miles away from us. Okay. Um, my sister, Carolyn, she's three miles away from [00:32:00] us. My mom could walk to my sister's house and I mean, I could walk, but you know, it's, I don't want to do with fleshly, a four kids.

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[00:32:10] Jeff Nesbitt: them might get along. It's a

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[00:32:37] You make it work. And then, but we do have, um, Not about the son. He comes, you know, over during the summer. So we actually technically have five kids, but that's a lot of kids is a lot of kids and it's, it's a good age gap in between all of them. So

[: 00:32:55

[00:33:00] Cindy Guzman: car seats,

[: 00:33:03

[00:33:05] Cindy Guzman: Uh, you know, we order a lot and I cook a lot and you guys want burgers, this is going barbecue outside. That's the best

[: 00:33:12

[00:33:14] Cindy Guzman: yesterday. You know? And, and yay. Carolyn, you want to come over and I'm grilling up some stuff. Let's just come over. Oh yeah, I'll bring some rice or I'll bring this, I'll bring a salad, watermelon.

[: 00:33:24

[00:33:38] Jeff Nesbitt: I just had that conversation with Melissa because she was looking through our banking and she's like, what are all these $20 ATM withdrawals?

[: 00:33:45

[00:34:06] I don't think so. It's well worth

[: 00:34:08

[00:34:18] Jeff Nesbitt: know that. No, my argument is that your system is terrible. I think that people should eat out more, more, that would fit my life

[: 00:34:26

[00:34:31] Jeff Nesbitt: Hello. My wife thinks it should only be a treat. Um, and I was like, well, yeah, that'd probably save us money quite a bit. Two or three burritos a week. Plus bakery breakfast. Can't

[: 00:34:44

[00:34:50] Let's go, let's go get something from the bakery or let's go get something from the deli. I'm not doing it this morning today, you know? And oh yeah. They love it. Yeah. Mom. So mom, how are you feeling this morning? [00:35:00] Ah, let's go get coffee,

[: 00:35:02

[00:35:06] No, I don't. I used to drive my kids to school and we'd stop by the bank. Any day that we had time and they don't really even appreciate it. After the first few times, it just was like, dad, you're indulging your addiction. And we know it. And it's like, ah, you gotta do what you

[: 00:35:22

[00:35:25] Why do you guys go out to eat so much? Or mom, come on, I'm telling you to join us. This is the good life.

[: 00:35:30

[00:35:34] Cindy Guzman: you know? And she's always been, oh no, no, no, we can't do this. We can't do this. We have to eat at home or no, no, no, no, no. We can't. You know, you're at home, you're wasting money.

[: 00:35:44

[00:35:50] Jeff Nesbitt: But you work pretty hard to actually, uh, so you work at the ocean beach school district and uh, what do you do?

[: 00:35:56

[00:36:10] A lot of churches, a lot of programs, um, reach out truancy board. I have been part of that for a few

[: 00:36:17

[00:36:23] Cindy Guzman: heart. I do always constantly. I'm always worried. I'm always checking in on families. And the last, you know, the LA this last year has been, I think the hardest for me, because I, I'm such a people person that I need to see you guys.

[: 00:36:39

[00:37:04] Yeah. And I just don't really think that w you know, we should see each other that way, which way, the way as in, oh, yeah, there he, his, he's got a culture going on over there. You know, he hangs out with all the Mexicans over there.

[: 00:37:21

[00:37:25] I just, I might be

[: 00:37:26

[00:37:26] Cindy Guzman: than you think it is because we have, you know, to this day, especially my husband working in the community and being in people's houses, he has gained so many people trust and it's people that you would think. Close the door and you know, in his face, he's never had that happen.

[: 00:37:47

[00:37:57] Jeff Nesbitt: I should clarify. I don't say that because [00:38:00] old white people are racist. Now I say that because people think old white people are racist

[: 00:38:05

[00:38:09] My husband caters. And yeah, there is. And there is, and I will say there's been comments that my, it has made my husband uncomfortable and he proves them wrong every time. Good for him. And he always tells them, you know, you haven't really gotten a chance to meet me here. Let me show you one of them. What I'm about.

[: 00:38:27

[00:38:38] Jeff Nesbitt: on. Lots of opinions that are wrong and some tamales might change my mind

[: 00:38:44

[00:38:47] Jeff Nesbitt: let's get into tamales a little bit.

[: 00:38:49

[00:39:04] Felipe was not even a real thing, is it?

[: 00:39:06

[00:39:28] You obviously, where we are, it's hard to come. Where do you get a banana leaf? Um, Safeway is now starting to carry them. So we've, we've learned that. And we sometimes go to all the way to Portland to get what we need maybe once or twice a month.

[: 00:39:44

[00:39:46] Cindy Guzman: the corn husk? Um, we do both.

[: 00:39:48

[00:40:11] Jeff Nesbitt: And just wrapped up like a little present in that. I don't know if that's just a subconscious thing, but there's something to that. It makes it

[: 00:40:16

[00:40:28] I mean, you can do whatever you want to do with it. You know, you can even turn it into a burrito. My mom did that once and it was actually pretty good. So I mean, it really is just, Hey, you know, I'm not here to do any harm and I'm here to be your friend. So yeah, we've had that, you know, we've had a couple of neighbors who have, um, looked at us different because I mean, we are the only Hispanic family, you know, family and our neighborhood.

[: 00:40:56

[00:41:02] Jeff Nesbitt: and stuff, but I mean, a large portion of this community is Hispanic. Um, compared to, I mean, it's probably a close second and not a close second, but a distant second to Caucasian.

[: 00:41:11

[00:41:13] Jeff Nesbitt: but pretty, I'd say 10 or

[: 00:41:15

[00:41:16] Okay. So I had just had to jump on here and take a little bit of credit. I was completely talking out of my ass here. I had no idea what the actual population demographics were and I was just totally guessing. And so I looked it up and according to the 2019 census information, it is actually 10% Hispanic in Pacific county.

[: 00:41:37

[00:41:39] 10%, 10.1% Hispanic or Latino. And 90%. White alone. 1.1% black or African-American. 2.8% American Indian or Alaska native. That's actually higher than I thought. 2.1% Asian.

[: 00:41:59

[00:42:06] And 81.7% white alone. Not Hispanic or Latino.

[: 00:42:13

[00:42:23] Hmm. I don't get that.

[: 00:42:25

[00:42:26] This is kind of interesting. Actually I never.

[: 00:42:29

[00:43:16] Cindy Guzman: Especially, you know, with all the changes that have happened in our community arrests and that kind of thing. And people fearing and leaving the area and being scared. Like it's, I wish that that was never an issue here because I. I, I don't, I don't know.

[: 00:43:34

[00:43:40] Jeff Nesbitt: can hurt the economy, majorly jelly. Yeah. It's been a big, big,

[: 00:43:45

[00:43:54] And I don't get to, you know, be able to go in and say hi and stop and say [00:44:00] hi. And you know, this is pretty much it now. Yeah.

[: 00:44:03

[00:44:10] Cindy Guzman: You know, I just, I really hate social media sometimes and what it's put out there in the news and all of these comments and stuff, because it really is not, there is bad people I know there is, but it's not

[: 00:44:23

[00:44:27] Cindy Guzman: it's not just a, it's not a Mexican thing.

[: 00:44:31

[00:44:34] Cindy Guzman: Yeah. It's everywhere. I just hate those labels and I don't you're, you know, you're could good to me.

[: 00:44:40

[00:44:48] hate

[: 00:44:48

[00:44:51] Cindy Guzman: You do. And you miss

[: 00:44:53

[00:45:01] I think that there's a way to still maintain some of the value that you get out of that because we're generally programmed to seek comfort in familiarity, in things that look like us, people that look like us in situations that we recognize. And that's because that's going to signal to us that we're in some kind of a secure environment around people who we can trust and all of that is instinct.

[: 00:45:23

[00:45:50] And we can see like, oh, there's a lot of benefit to be derived from establishing relationships outside of my inner circle. And we need to have both of those. I need

[: 00:45:58

[00:46:10] Oh yeah, I am. You didn't know that. I didn't know that you, you know, you're so light-skinned. I know

[: 00:46:16

[00:46:18] Cindy Guzman: you should see my aunt and she has blue eyes and she's, light-skinned too like, wait, they're like, is there a factory that just makes, you know, Mexico is huge. Yeah.

[: 00:46:29

[00:46:50] I mean, her, her family was wealthy, Sina LOA. She, you know, she lived in cities and this is where there's not one of the main cards. Todd hot. Yeah. Oh, we asked him a little [00:47:00] bit. Okay. Um, and we want to know more history. Obviously I can't go down there and be like, I'm here to learn about my grandma's side, you know, but, um, I could, but I would need to, I wouldn't probably need, you know, I know, I know my people and I know that there's places where you need to avoid, even though, you know, you just, you kind of have to just go that way, that route.

[: 00:47:26

[00:47:54] So, you know, automatically you're like, oh yeah, she's French. No, it's Spanish. I never knew where

[: 00:47:59

[00:47:59] Cindy Guzman: name came [00:48:00] from. It's it's Spanish, it's Spaniard. Um, it's a little coast and I even was able to find the, , the family, um, not the logo. I wouldn't like the

[: 00:48:09

[00:48:10] Cindy Guzman: crest, the crest, the family. It's so cool.

[: 00:48:14

[00:48:38] Oh, so we were the megas, the main, you know, my family back then, my ancestors were really good at work. So when ships were being built to explore the, you know, the hairs on family had that horn, sorry, had that, um, um, play. They played in that they, they contributed [00:49:00] to that. So, I mean, it was interesting. I feel like that's the reason why my grandma was really wealthy in Sinaloa because they had.

[: 00:49:09

[00:49:11] Jeff Nesbitt: mean like the Spanish Carnegie. Yes. Wow. That's cool.

[: 00:49:14

[00:49:39] She always had her hair up in a braid. I mean, it was sh you know, traditional down there, but she was more, um, she was more attached to that because she was actually brought up by an actual tribe.

[: 00:49:53

[00:49:59] There's a bunch [00:50:00] of different cultures and a bunch of different ethnicities within that. Just people who came from Europe, people who were already there ahead of time, people who came up from the south. Yes. Tons of it. Tons of variations

[: 00:50:09

[00:50:23] They spoke in there. Group and they're, you know, in their, in their state or

[: 00:50:28

[00:50:35] Cindy Guzman: It's endless. We do that here. My

[: 00:50:37

[00:50:41] Cindy Guzman: It's true.

[: 00:50:42

[00:50:49] Jeff Nesbitt: language. I'm like, wow. The calendar, what the fuck?

[: 00:50:52

[00:51:15] I bet. So you know

[: 00:51:16

[00:51:20] Cindy Guzman: they, they do, they do, they end till this day, she tells me that in order to crack a fruit open, sometimes she has to sing to it. It's some type of fruit, I don't know. So it's like you roll it and you sing the thing and then young on the third him or whatever, you crack it in an open spot.

[: 00:51:36

[00:51:41] Jeff Nesbitt: like we all laugh about that kind of stuff. And it sounds ridiculous, but it's, I mean, resonance, vibrations, energy, all that stuff is very real. So there's no reason it couldn't have an effect, even if a very small and,

[: 00:51:53

[00:52:04] And that's how it, it will continue to be because that's how they were brought up like a whole, yeah, our whole pig. Um, uh, they, what else did they do? That's really, I've been exposed to the, I was, there's a lot of things, you know, um, the, the cleansing, they do a lot of cleansing. They do a lot of, um, uh, prayers, a lot of ceremonies.

[: 00:52:28

[00:52:37] Jeff Nesbitt: So, and I don't know if you'd know about this or not, but so in the United States we have done, uh, unfortunately. Very good job of cleansing, a lot of native cultures from our history and from, from our view.

[: 00:52:52

[00:53:06] Cindy Guzman: sad. And that makes me so mad if it really is bullshit, it really is bullshit because you lose this, you're losing the actual culture, the richness that we could embrace.

[: 00:53:20

[00:53:20] Jeff Nesbitt: saying from the land, literally. And, but my question is what's that transition been like in Mexico? Has the government take an active measures to push away that history? Or is it a little bit more easy to

[: 00:53:33

[00:53:45] Jeff Nesbitt: have a reservation system.

[: 00:53:46

[00:53:50] Jeff Nesbitt: I don't know about that.

[: 00:53:51

[00:54:08] Jeff Nesbitt: a lot of them still practice that, um, what's that it's a FA it's federally recognized religion around payoti the payoti religion.

[: 00:54:16

[00:54:28] Cindy Guzman: there's a lot of things. Yeah. The gods there's a lot of, um, stigmas, a lot of, um, not stigmas.

[: 00:54:36

[00:54:39] Cindy Guzman: Yes. And there's, there's just a lot of things that, um, if you take the opportunity to go with me, I will show you and you will be amazed and, and, you know, you will be understanding why some things happen in our culture. It's easier shown than [00:55:00] said and explained. I don't know. You just have to live the experience in order to understand

[: 00:55:04

[00:55:04] Yeah. Yeah. I bet that was pretty powerful as a kid. Oh yeah. Yeah. So did it work? Did your mom, uh, did you come back and feel like you really appreciated what you had? I did.

[: 00:55:13

[00:55:26] That will route, we go to my husband's, , town, which is a little, which isJalisco, where they make tequila and yes, would they, it's amazing. It's, it's pretty cool. It's a different experience because it's not, it's not the same as what it was back then.

[: 00:55:44

[00:56:05] It's traditionally, all women are in the kitchen cooking for their men. And, um, I mean, I like the fact, you know, but it's funny because there's some things that sometimes my mother-in-law just looks at me like. No rental does that for you? I'm like, yeah, he does. It's like, oh, I, you know, it's a 21st century.

[: 00:56:26

[00:56:42] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, exactly.

[: 00:56:43

[00:56:45] Cindy Guzman: please. Don't, you know, let's, let's go into town and let's go, you know, they just slaughtered a cow. Let's go get some meat from, from the butcher, you know, and you know, and, and everything, you know, just, yeah. And they laugh at me because they're like, you really [00:57:00] can.

[: 00:57:00

[00:57:24] It's no

[: 00:57:25

[00:57:31] Cindy Guzman: no. And , when we go, I always make sure to dose my kids live with probiotics. So then that, and that works. So I've never had it. An issue, but I already know what to expect. And I tell them my mind yourselves, you know, be respectful.

[: 00:57:46

[00:58:02] Wow. Cool. My kids know how to, what do you guys make? Um, tortilla? Um, what are the, the holders? The tortilla baskets and the napkins. Oh, so, um, that's been that, um, they've been, they've done, um, the, uh, pillow cases. They do a lot of, um, there's just a whole bunch of stuff that they do that it's really pretty.

[: 00:58:26

[00:58:28] Jeff Nesbitt: and stuff like that. Like you'd traditionally think of Mexican stuff. We just had these blankets that we called the Mexican blankets, but I don't even know if they were made in Mexico, but just those that like yellow, white, red, these vibrant,

[: 00:58:41

[00:58:43] Um, it's, it's handmade. So it takes time and they take pride in their work and this is what the women do. And it's beautiful because they're teaching their kids and that, you know, they've never really seen a tablet. So, and I don't take my kids as tablet and that [00:59:00] mindset. Do that just because I want them to axle experience

[: 00:59:06

[00:59:20] And it helps it does

[: 00:59:22

[00:59:23] Jeff Nesbitt: resource, it's a great tool. Well, it's a great tool in a lot of ways, but it's going to make kids slow fat and boring. I think that the fact that there's so little challenge involved, everything is, is metered out. Uh, it's just consumed, consumed, and I know it's interactive.

[: 00:59:40

[00:59:47] Cindy Guzman: My kids are. And I, you know, I always get that. Wow, your kids are so happy. They're so, you know, they're always doing things. I'm like, it's because I don't, I [01:00:00] don't let them play on the actually we took the tablets away for that same reason.

[: 01:00:04

[01:00:05] Jeff Nesbitt: forces them into a state of creativity. So

[: 01:00:08

[01:00:12] Jeff Nesbitt: when you were a little kid, how much time did you spend? Just like looking at us. Find a cool rock. Oh, I see a bug over there. I'll go check that out. We'd go frog hunting.

[: 01:00:20

[01:00:25] No, absolutely. Yeah. The beach

[: 01:00:28

[01:00:34] Cindy Guzman: we ha we live in such an, a beautiful area. There's always something to do. And you know, when my kids tell me that once they say they don't say mom, I'm bored because I always make them do something outside.

[: 01:00:46

[01:01:04] Jeff Nesbitt: know.

[: 01:01:04

[01:01:13] Cindy Guzman: know, that's what my oldest says, mom, you never sit still. I'm like, I can't, I guess,

[: 01:01:17

[01:01:21] Cindy Guzman: that. And I Al you know, the one thing that has saved me millions of times, I tell them like, well, one of these days you're going to pick up a rock and you're going to find out that it's gold.

[: 01:01:29

[01:01:31] Jeff Nesbitt: look a rocks. Yeah, there you go. I was listening to a podcast yesterday talking about monkeys and how, um, as, I mean, as humans. Good to just sit around content. We don't ever really feel that unless for very short bursts, like where things are just, okay, I'm content, things are good. I'm going to stay in this place.

[: 01:01:51

[01:02:10] And it's the same way with primates. So like you get a group of monkeys, they're busy. They're not just sitting around, they're picking lice, they're hopping, they're fighting, there's drama going on all the time. And that's basically what we are. We gotta be

[: 01:02:23

[01:02:31] I'm very worried. But yeah, but they don't, you know, they always say, oh mom, you're right. This is actually pretty cool. And The same thing they tell me when they go to Mexico. Mom, thank you for, you know, I didn't realize that they didn't have shoes. I didn't realize that they didn't have, you know, some people

[: 01:02:46

[01:02:46] Yeah. They don't like, it's amazing like perspective like that. Yeah. You forget to even like, even when you already know, like us as adults, it's so easy to get comfortable and then get complacent and then get [01:03:00] ungrateful where I'm just like, oh, my life is so hard. Why do I have to work so hard? Nobody says, thank you.

[: 01:03:05

[01:03:11] Cindy Guzman: And it's interesting that you say that because you don't realize what you have until you are in a vulnerable spot. And once you start realizing, wow, I was complaining over my X-Box not working. And then you, you know, you, you see reality around you when you feel so stupid.

[: 01:03:30

[01:03:52] This is why I always tell you, you guys need to make sure that you guys are thankful for what you have, because more than anything, like talk to your [01:04:00] dad, talk, you know, talk to my dad, talk to, you know, my mom ask them how it was like when they were growing up, like, and they do, they have those really heart to heart conversations with, you know, and there's times where I kind of just like admire, you know, all of our efforts are like, You know, more than anything, like you really have to be strong in survival mode when not too much, not too much.

[: 01:04:27

[01:04:28] Jeff Nesbitt: It's I was just thinking about this. It's kind of a bitch. You, uh, this is kind of a pessimistic view, but I'm going to say it anyway, because it feels true. The, as a kid, what exposures you have really shaped where your perception lands as far as your set point for anxiety and happiness and just general, uh, subjective wellbeing, like how you feel on a day-to-day basis.

[: 01:04:54

[01:05:12] And so you're having to deal with that for the rest of your life. And that's not something that's easy to change. And then as you, but if you don't have any kind of trauma or, and trauma can be defined as just an experience that you weren't prepared to handle, so it could be emotional or physical or a lot of different things.

[: 01:05:31

[01:06:03] Cindy Guzman: It's interesting that you mentioned, you know, that, that point, because I don't know. What do you think about that? Mental health is not something that is discussed in the Hispanic community ever. Yeah. And it's because it's, it's, you don't want to recognize that there is an issue with you or with anybody in your family or anywhere because you are automatically crazy.

[: 01:06:30

[01:06:52] You know what I mean? Like, they're not careful with that. They're not, they don't understand, like there's something going on with that person. You have [01:07:00] to like, not engage in that and actually be part of the solution. Like you think by saying that comment, you're going to. Do the person a favor. I mean, I am always been very compassionate, very empathetic, and I've always been, you know, like I see something that's wrong, you know, I automatically like, Hey, you good?

[: 01:07:18

[01:07:34] Jeff Nesbitt: it's not, it's not like some kind of form of religious guilt.

[: 01:07:36

[01:07:39] Cindy Guzman: good. It's I mean, it's not, you know, I've always get the, the comment where they is. Like, you're always so positive.

[: 01:07:48

[01:07:53] Cindy Guzman: And so like when I always, you know, I talked to parents and they tell me, oh, I don't know why, why she's like that.

[: 01:07:59

[01:08:20] Do anything because, oh, she'll just sleep over, you know, sleep through it, or she'll be

[: 01:08:24

[01:08:35] Cindy Guzman: It's, it's, it's really, it's hard to explain because I really, I sometimes feel for a while, you know, working with kids and stuff and the stuff that I sometimes hear, I I'm, I'm all up for years and I'm always, you know, okay, well, let's open up communication with your parents.

[: 01:08:51

[01:08:52] Jeff Nesbitt: Well, you know, it also could be. Um, and I've noticed that a lot of the Mexican community is much more [01:09:00] conservative than I would expect for being such an exuberant culture. Like they're very outgoing and, um, brash, but then there are things like homosexuality is pretty pushed under the rug or, um, a lot of stuff.

[: 01:09:14

[01:09:16] Cindy Guzman: my best friend in Mexico, he was gay and he was so spontaneous. So when people saw me, they assumed I was, you know, the same. I'm like, no, I'm not. And I, I was, yeah, I was also gay. Yeah. I was just like, what is wrong? No, I'm not, but he's my best friend. So why does it matter?

[: 01:09:35

[01:09:47] Jeff Nesbitt: Do, did you see him experience any kind of a persecution for that?

[: 01:09:51

[01:09:55] Um, they were just always making comments and just wanting to [01:10:00] break his spirit, but his spirit was, he didn't care. He didn't give a fuck. Like he was just like, I don't care what you think about me. I'm just

[: 01:10:07

[01:10:23] Yeah. There was only a couple that I remember, and there's definitely more than that, but, um, do you remember how horrible people got treated? It was

[: 01:10:31

[01:10:36] Jeff Nesbitt: I like basically like their whole existence was just a joke for our amusement.

[: 01:10:40

[01:10:43] I think about that many, many times, and I'm like, I wish I was never part of those comments because there wa you know, I wish I would have stuck up for them and said, Hey, you know, Stop,

[: 01:10:54

[01:11:07] Cindy Guzman: figured it out.

[: 01:11:08

[01:11:16] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah. When Mario Rodriguez came on the show and mentioned that I was, I, that was news to me. I had never known that before.

[: 01:11:23

[01:11:31] So, you know, w we should too, like, let's, you know, but it's very dangerous down there because, okay, well now you, that you came out, you know, you are ashamed and like I'm ashamed that you are part of our culture. Let's take you out. Let's take you. So it's, it's good.

[: 01:11:51

[01:11:53] Cindy Guzman: doesn't really make a lot of sense.

[: 01:11:55

[01:12:23] Jeff Nesbitt: yeah. At least it has gotten a little better here. It has.

[: 01:12:27

[01:12:35] So I mean, and, and acceptance, you know, and, and I always bring up my husband and I always give him all the credit he, he can get because he's made these alliances in the community and has, has the most amazing luck of finding the most interesting people and having just a great connection. [01:13:00] And I always hear, oh my gosh, he's such a sweet guy.

[: 01:13:03

[01:13:27] Yeah. A lot

[: 01:13:27

[01:13:29] Cindy Guzman: We know that's true, but you know, that's, that's our reward. And so

[: 01:13:37

[01:13:45] Cindy Guzman: I'm not ready. I'm not going to accept that because that's, I know it is, but I'm not going to, I don't know.

[: 01:13:50

[01:13:58] Jeff Nesbitt: won't forget, but they're still leaving. I [01:14:00] know. Maybe not though, who knows? Maybe we could build a community here that actually has some jobs in it. Maybe our next generations, won't all just

[: 01:14:08

[01:14:09] You know, now that you mentioned that it's the trades that we have here, it's amazing. Oh, it's

[: 01:14:14

[01:14:23] Cindy Guzman: Internship, internships are some stuff that are being missed or not introduced, especially in school.

[: 01:14:31

[01:14:34] Cindy Guzman: None. None. None. I always thought that I had to be in college in order to get an education.

[: 01:14:39

[01:14:44] Cindy Guzman: So I, I didn't learn the hard way, but I learned that I am a good salesperson.

[: 01:14:50

[01:15:13] Or if I don't know the information, I make sure that I inform myself, especially for these opportunities for our Hispanic community, because they don't know about finances. They don't know about, you know, my poor mother, someone, you know, took advantage of her and gave her a 29.9% loan. And once I found out I made it, it just like was furious because that was just ridiculous.

[: 01:15:37

[01:15:56] You know, like let's not even fair. Like what are you guys [01:16:00] doing to these poor families? Like,

[: 01:16:02

[01:16:06] Cindy Guzman: Yeah. And they're already living in poverty and then you're still

[: 01:16:09

[01:16:19] Cindy Guzman: Well, here comes Cindy and you know, she's all, you know, no, that's not right. Bring your papers here and I'll get this all figured out for you. Not just only my Hispanic family, also in the, you know, Caucasian families, you know, I've always been very receptive to everybody, I can do both. So I have to prove myself that I am Mexican and I also have to prove myself that I am

[: 01:16:42

[01:16:49] Cindy Guzman: because I was

[: 01:16:50

[01:16:52] Cindy Guzman: you know, it's interesting, especially when I'm with my husband, like they look at me and they look at him like [01:17:00] what, you know?

[: 01:17:02

[01:17:16] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, no, it's, it's bizarre to me, um, that just people take it upon themselves to make those judgements.

[: 01:17:22

[01:17:44] Cindy Guzman: That's interesting because I also had an Roberto do his, and they came back similar to mine. Um, he does have some Spaniard in him, but not as much, but he does have a lot of indigenous blood, which is really cool. So I, yeah, it's

[: 01:17:55

[01:17:59] [01:18:00] No, I didn't have any, well, very, very

[: 01:18:01

[01:18:23] So you know what just don't make assumptions about, you know, don't make assumptions. So it, you know, back to the trade and stuff. I really want to give a huge shout out to CJ. Oh yeah. I do. I really do want to give him a big shout out because he has always been there. For a lot of our Hispanic communities.

[: 01:18:46

[01:19:08] Erin, just, I love how they ended up together and have much, you know, they're part of our family a lot. , she's actually, they're actually going to be my, uh, youngest, uh, godparents and which, by the way, baptisms are huge in our family. So if I'm asking that's an honor

[: 01:19:27

[01:19:30] Cindy Guzman: to a some extent I do.

[: 01:19:31

[01:19:39] Jeff Nesbitt: what the mom believes is.

[: 01:19:42

[01:19:57] Jeff Nesbitt: Shouldn't even try having something like that. [01:20:00] That bonds your family together

[: 01:20:00

[01:20:13] Jeff Nesbitt: about religion that build a strong family and like, sure.

[: 01:20:16

[01:20:22] Cindy Guzman: She's she's always been there no matter what. And I love her to pieces and, and that's where she's going to be forever. And from now on, and we always do the best we can to take care of her because you know, she's worked hard as a single mom for quite a few years and not easy.

[: 01:20:36

[01:20:50] Jeff Nesbitt: that stuff is complicated as a parent, before mom starting to get into those years, like Sawyer is 12 and Elsa's almost, she feels much older, but she's only [01:21:00] 10 and a half.

[: 01:21:00

[01:21:20] Yeah. Cause that's, that's part of the trial by fire of becoming an adult, those experiences eventually become less painful is what really happens. You don't, I mean, you change experiences

[: 01:21:32

[01:21:46] Yeah. Open up that conversation, you know? And that's what I, yeah. I wish it was like that in the, you know, the Mexican culture. So, but it's not, so it's another

[: 01:21:57

[01:22:00] Cindy Guzman: choices. Yeah.

[: 01:22:01

[01:22:03] Cindy Guzman: the first. Yeah, it does. It really does put on the spot and I'm like, well, you didn't asked for this, but you know what?

[: 01:22:10

[01:22:20] Jeff Nesbitt: things that like, , teaching your kids about, about homosexuality or, or trans yeah. , and then having your religious upbringing in the back of your head the whole time.

[: 01:22:28

[01:22:46] Cindy Guzman: make yourself in their shoes.

[: 01:22:47

[01:22:48] Jeff Nesbitt: Because if you come at it from like that's other, and you're trying to explain other two to your kid who on the inside, do you, yeah. It's not going to be relatable, not going to be relatable

[: 01:22:59

[01:23:03] Jeff Nesbitt: It just doesn't work that way.

[: 01:23:04

[01:23:24] I can't it's

[: 01:23:25

[01:23:43] Don't, why don't, why don't you agree with grandma? And I'm like, well, you know what, honey, one day you will realize that you won't agree with me and I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to be okay. And I will have to accept your ideas too. So what I'm trying to [01:24:00] show them is what I've learned throughout the years. So it's, it's, it really is a it's played out really good.

[: 01:24:05

[01:24:11] Jeff Nesbitt: that. So that's a good example. Yeah. And you can extend that grace outside of, like, you can start with your parents, like giving them the grace to, to disagree with you and being willing to be wrong essentially in your eyes.

[: 01:24:23

[01:24:24] Cindy Guzman: even know. Yeah. The same with my dad, you know that my, now that my dad is around him in his number one priority, he does not want to miss a day. And my kids, his life, or in my sister's kids, his life, like for him, his priority now, or his grandkids, because he's getting older.

[: 01:24:38

[01:24:43] Jeff Nesbitt: telling him that like calling it out accountability, I bet that he feels that. Yeah.

[: 01:24:48

[01:25:00] When we go over to the house, whether it's their birthday or not. Does he make pinatas or no, he just goes to this one just buys him, but he fills it up with candy. And of course, yeah.

[: 01:25:09

[01:25:13] Cindy Guzman: So, but there's. Ways of making it easier. And I like

[: 01:25:18

[01:25:20] Yeah. Pretty frilly stuff on the outside, which I made with my mom when I was a little kid and we did it out of balloons and papier-mache like with the newspaper stamps and it took days,

[: 01:25:31

[01:25:39] Jeff Nesbitt: out here just a couple of months ago

[: 01:25:41

[01:25:42] You

[: 01:25:43

[01:25:51] Cindy Guzman: So, you know, and it's just interesting, just so good. You know, it's, it's good being aware of where you are and who you are, and it's not [01:26:00] nothing to be embarrassed about. And I wish I had that mindset when I was growing up because I didn't embrace who I was and I, and I hate that.

[: 01:26:07

[01:26:09] Jeff Nesbitt: noticed it. Yes, she did. So

[: 01:26:10

[01:26:24] So if I can do it, anybody else can do it. All it takes is just

[: 01:26:28

[01:26:45] Oh, I see. Those are my people. Like, I couldn't believe how much I was drawn to, to just watching it.

[: 01:26:55

[01:27:11] Um, I threw the javelin. I threw the shot put in high school. I've just always been a thrower. Yeah. And then I'm watching these dudes and I was like, that guy looks like he's mine, he's got a red beard blonde hair. It's like, we might be related. We very well could be as a thing. Awesome. And I just never felt connected to anything ethnically or culturally, even to that part of the world until I knew I was actually from there.

[: 01:27:34

[01:27:53] There is a that my sister went to one, I think actually, actually, maybe Jake too. I don't know. But um, I've never [01:28:00] done anything like that. I've always just been looking forward. That's awesome. But I think there's some value to looking back, learn,

[: 01:28:05

[01:28:10] I'm always been an encourager. Yeah. Do it, do it, go for it. Because if you don't do it, then you don't, you know, if you like it, you do, if you don't or if I'm not doing it next time.

[: 01:28:18

[01:28:28] Like, if it's not exciting, what are you doing? If it doesn't make you feel alive, you might not be

[: 01:28:33

[01:28:44] Just go do it. You know, if you like it, great. If you don't, don't sports is a huge thing. Um, extracurricular

[: 01:28:51

[01:29:04] They just know they want to do something, but they don't know where to put that energy. What do you tell them? What's

[: 01:29:08

[01:29:19] Well, yeah. Do you like to paint? Yeah. So you

[: 01:29:22

[01:29:23] Cindy Guzman: I ask questions, ask questions, and I make them take lead and what they want to do. I don't throw my ideas because I don't want to influence them. I want them to discover these on their own. Yeah. I'm actually a really good builder.

[: 01:29:38

[01:29:46] Jeff Nesbitt: what do you want? Doesn't have to be the same path as everyone else.

[: 01:29:49

[01:29:54] She,

[: 01:29:55

[01:29:57] Cindy Guzman: month. Yeah. Little things like that. You know, I kinda [01:30:00] just always push them to, to explore on their own. There's been so many kids that have come back to me and said, thanks. Because you listened and you have always been supportive, even though I, I, I'm not there a hundred percent of the time at their games or, or, you know, they don't expect that they move away and they don't get the same support as I was giving them.

[: 01:30:26

[01:30:29] Jeff Nesbitt: need. Yeah. The first year away from home, when you're like 19 years old and you're in a new place, you don't know that many people that is such a pivotal time, you could pivot right down into the ditch or you can go up like it's. I mean, so many people don't make it through their first year of college.

[: 01:30:45

[01:30:51] Cindy Guzman: tell them, it's okay to come back to where you are. So it's from, if you, if it's not working for you, we'll take, take a step back. Yeah. Figure, you know? Okay, well [01:31:00] that didn't work, you know? No, one's gonna look bad or look down on you.

[: 01:31:03

[01:31:07] Jeff Nesbitt: keep putting good energy into a bad plan just because you don't want to seem inconsistent.

[: 01:31:11

[01:31:19] Because you're the one that's going to be living this life. Yeah.

[: 01:31:22

[01:31:36] Like, maybe you're really good at video games. Go into video games like that's legitimate.

[: 01:31:42

[01:31:50] Jeff Nesbitt: have video games on blockchain now. So the things you get in the game are NFTs non fungible tokens.

[: 01:31:57

[01:32:00] Cindy Guzman: Or I always tell them like, look at, you can make an app. Yeah. You make, you know, make your own game, make your own, you know, your own thing. Like, yeah.

[: 01:32:08

[01:32:12] Cindy Guzman: and that's where I kind of just push them and I encourage them.

[: 01:32:14

[01:32:35] for.

[: 01:32:36

[01:32:54] Sometimes every once in a while for like five minutes, it'll feel like, yeah, this is right. This is just how I [01:33:00] wanted it to be. Everything sounds good. People are responding the way I expected, but I'd say 95% of the time, far from that, it feels like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, why am I wasting my time?

[: 01:33:11

[01:33:18] Cindy Guzman: hear good things. And if I can get my, my rasa to listen to you guys as punk, I'm always up for, I always vouch for everybody. I always tell.

[: 01:33:26

[01:33:28] No, like your gut, isn't always the thing you gotta follow. You, you sometimes need to just commit to something for a set amount of time and just see it through. And other times you gotta know when to cut and run. It's it's never a system that you can just, you can't put it on

[: 01:33:43

[01:33:46] But you want to get there like quick, but it takes time and you have to learn to be patient with yourself. The very best

[: 01:33:53

[01:33:55] Cindy Guzman: A lot of it. So just, you know, same thing. Don't get discouraged. Just do what you feel is [01:34:00] right at the moment. And then if you need to adjust change, do whatever.

[: 01:34:03

[01:34:21] I don't tell them to wipe those tears off. No,

[: 01:34:23

[01:34:27] Cindy Guzman: maybe 90% of the kids. I don't say that don't share these emotions at home. Oh, that's no, I know. And I'm selling them because it's the truth. There's been times where I'm like, no, like let it all out, do it, go ahead and just embrace who, what, what you're trying to get out.

[: 01:34:44

[01:34:45] Jeff Nesbitt: I think with this specific issue of letting a kid cry or how long to let a kid cry, which is a problem that most people don't deal with. I have to deal with it on a regular basis. I

[: 01:34:55

[01:34:58] Jeff Nesbitt: one of the child matters a lot. [01:35:00] It's like, are you trying to control me with these with this episode?

[: 01:35:03

[01:35:05] Cindy Guzman: and that's what we need to recognize. And I tell them that. Okay. So now that you have cried, what is the issue? Why can it be fixed now? Can you talk. You know, do we need to, let's go on a walk, you know, I'll be back. I'm stepping out, taking this kid over on the track and let's walk. It seems like

[: 01:35:24

[01:35:31] I can

[: 01:35:31

[01:35:43] Jeff Nesbitt: it just takes a genuine interest in humans. Like we're a really interesting animal.

[: 01:35:47

[01:35:51] Cindy Guzman: It's, you know, it's funny because I don't have to work and I choose to work because I know that there's more to me to give than just sit in my house and not do anything. I [01:36:00] mean, I love my kids and stuff, but I know that there is an issue somewhere.

[: 01:36:05

[01:36:09] Jeff Nesbitt: I actually kind of envy people who can just sit and be like a houseplant. I

[: 01:36:14

[01:36:24] Jeff Nesbitt: it. We're supposed to do or anxious monkeys.

[: 01:36:26

[01:36:26] Cindy Guzman: And so I am happy that I didn't stick with that. I mean, it's nice to get a break and it's nice to do, you know, self care is huge. You got to do you sometimes

[: 01:36:37

[01:36:38] Cindy Guzman: Nobody. No, but I will say that I have. Taking steps to actually do it, whether it be getting my nails done, whether it'd be shopping online, whatever,

[: 01:36:50

[01:36:52] Yes.

[: 01:36:53

[01:37:10] I can only imagine all the stuff that he has in his head. So I, yeah, I listen to I'm in tune with that. He's in tune with me. He sees with me when I'm frustrated, Hey, I want to go get ice cream. Hell yeah. I want to go get ice cream. You don't have to tell me twice. Let's go. So it's just little things like that, you know, you kind of just have to it's the vibe it's vibes.

[: 01:37:30

[01:37:33] Jeff Nesbitt: Yeah, totally. Um, so speaking of vibes, um, I was down at the school earlier, helping Melissa set up her classroom. Good vibe in there right now. It seems like things are happening. There's it's full of life and energy kids will be back there next week. Um, I was going to ask, how are you feeling about going back to school?

[: 01:37:53

[01:38:11] Jeff Nesbitt: Yes. It's another situation though, where we have to be careful that we're not making strictly fear-based decisions. No, because that matters here because we're losing people want to eat, want to just forget that we're losing something by blocking off exposure and by blocking off socialization, especially

[: 01:38:27

[01:38:37] Yeah. I mean, we're talking kids, different ages, people, teachers. So it's, it ha it's the best decision. At the moment, that's the mask to mask out or, or, you know, I could go either or, you

[: 01:38:54

[01:39:05] It's like, you're throwing up a flag that says like, look, I'm not going to be a pain in the ass about this. We don't know exactly how to fix it, but this is a little flag that just shows you, like, I'm willing to do what I need. Yeah.

[: 01:39:16

[01:39:24] Then it has to be pass me the damn mask a lot more. Okay. Let's just do it, you know, but let's continue and move forward. I don't want to be just stuck in this. Yeah. We don't

[: 01:39:36

[01:39:38] Cindy Guzman: No, no, no, no, no debate. That is what it is. Let's go,

[: 01:39:42

[01:39:44] Cindy Guzman: thing.

[: 01:39:45

[01:40:01] Yeah, for sure. So. We have a really good, um, community. We live in a really good company because when my sisters come from Portland, they tell me that, that they feel like people here are genuinely really good people. Do you know, our

[: 01:40:16

[01:40:19] Cindy Guzman: did. It's crazy. It's crazy.

[: 01:40:21

[01:40:22] Cindy Guzman: I mean, and you know, and it's sad because they're coming from the big city and they don't see that.

[: 01:40:27

[01:40:48] I can put some stickers on and make it pretty and whatever it is, and I don't care,

[: 01:40:54

[01:40:59] Cindy Guzman: temporary. [01:41:00] And maybe in a year it won't be like this. And maybe in two years, I will forget about it. We'll laugh at it. Yeah.

[: 01:41:05

[01:41:07] What do you think that we should be doing for our kids now that is going to pay. 10 years down the line,

[: 01:41:13

[01:41:29] They'll remember that my mom was, was there for me, you know? And knowing that, knowing that yeah, absolutely listening to them sometimes what, what they're, what they mean to say is not what they actually mean. Like, Hey, you have to ask the right questions and explore it. You know, you, your kid is changing every year, every day, every day.

[: 01:41:48

[01:42:09] Any way, shape or form. So if I know that something is not bringing benefit to their life, I got to cut that and Hey, let's try something else. Let's do this together.

[: 01:42:18

[01:42:23] Cindy Guzman: or girl. It doesn't matter. No, it really

[: 01:42:26

[01:42:27] It doesn't matter. But like personality types, click, uh, in a way that's unpredictable. You never know which kids are going to click with the most and which ones you not. And I don't mean favorites. Like the ones you just easily can read. And you just know like, because they're you,

[: 01:42:42

[01:42:52] You have to literally tell her, okay, first you do this. Then you do that. And then you have to write it down for her. So she, yeah. And it's fine, [01:43:00] you know, I don't care. You know, as long as you get the job done, I don't, you know, do do what I'll do it for you or I'll write it down for you. Yeah. My other two are not like the only, because they are just more curious and that's fun.

[: 01:43:10

[01:43:15] Jeff Nesbitt: spread around a little bit more,

[: 01:43:16

[01:43:33] And

[: 01:43:33

[01:43:41] Cindy Guzman: It's funny because my son does play with dolls and I tell him, you know, you know, that's a baby. Right. And I tell him that because I want him to be conscious of Kate.

[: 01:43:50

[01:44:12] Like, I'm gonna I'm in for it. No, he's very good with her when she cries. He's there, he's big brother, you know, just doing little things. And I think it's the cute just thing in the whole entire world, because I hope that yeah, it's rewarding. So yeah, I'm, I know that I'm doing my part as, as a mom and not only with my kids, but with many kids.

[: 01:44:36

[01:44:53] She knows that I'm going to the coffee shop and I'm getting a blended job. So, oh, she's the first one in the car. Yeah, let's [01:45:00] go. You ready to go? Yeah. It's always good to have a fun aunt, so it's, I can be fun and I can be strict and yeah, it just depends, you know, can't be the greater

[: 01:45:09

[01:45:12] You

[: 01:45:12

[01:45:29] Jeff Nesbitt: we were talking about earlier with that kind of a disposition set point.

[: 01:45:32

[01:45:39] Cindy Guzman: device. It's crazy because we, for us as parents and I've done it, I will say I've done it. I forget that they don't care. The instruction manual, all different. And they're all different.

[: 01:45:49

[01:46:10] You're the adult bay. They follow you.

[: 01:46:14

[01:46:29] Like, why are you like, just I'm critical? Or my expectations are too high or I'm just not being patient enough. It's just like, it's so easy to slip into these habits and it's takes constant work. Not to let it become the norm.

[: 01:46:42

[01:46:50] I, you know, I'm learning with my ten-year-old, I'm learning with my six-year-old I'm learning, you know, it's just all learning. Stage for everybody. Yeah. So, [01:47:00] I mean, and just, I just always think about like what, what I, what's the image that my kids get of me. Like, what do they actually think of me, mom? She's crazy.

[: 01:47:10

[01:47:30] Jeff Nesbitt: right. Yeah. That's a really good thing to do.

[: 01:47:32

[01:47:40] Cindy Guzman: know like when two adults are having a conversation, you need to excuse yourself and go play outside because it has nothing to do with, and they know

[: 01:47:48

[01:47:49] That's I, my kids do

[: 01:47:50

[01:48:13] They want their kids to be well now I, I

[: 01:48:16

[01:48:19] Cindy Guzman: Yeah. There's yeah. Especially right now, there's a lot of crazy stuff

[: 01:48:23

[01:48:31] Cindy Guzman: everything. And there's times where my daughter does pull me.

[: 01:48:33

[01:48:49] That's fine. I, like I said, I embrace curiosity. I, I love it. Yeah, because I was curious and there was times where I didn't get the answers I want and I was not like, I wasn't [01:49:00] satisfied with the answer I was given. It was just cut short. Yeah. It didn't do me any

[: 01:49:04

[01:49:06] Yeah. So yeah, that's a common answer. It's easy as an adult. It's easy to just like, because the kids don't always need to know everything. There's time for

[: 01:49:14

[01:49:24] And we didn't dare because we didn't want to be a burden. We didn't want her to have another thing to worry about. Or so she did the best

[: 01:49:32

[01:49:42] Um, I went through a little bit of that too. Like when, after my parents split up, when I was 13, I lived with my mom mostly, and it was me. My older sister, my younger brother and our youngest sister, all in a one bedroom place and it was tight and it was like, my mom was super depressed. So [01:50:00] it was, it was hard to see her like that.

[: 01:50:01

[01:50:15] Cindy Guzman: But honestly, that's normal in our culture.

[: 01:50:18

[01:50:22] Cindy Guzman: all.

[: 01:50:22

[01:50:30] Jeff Nesbitt: don't. And I'm sure those people who are doing it, um, are just as annoyed with their moms. It's just the way it is, but it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt me. And it honestly probably improved me as you can see,

[: 01:50:41

[01:50:42] Jeff Nesbitt: understanding.

[: 01:50:43

[01:50:48] Cindy Guzman: I'm glad that that worked out for you. And I'm glad that that was, you took the good out of the negative. So you know what? It was

[: 01:50:55

[01:50:59] There are [01:51:00] things that are hard that you may not be able to handle at the time, and it is really shitty and it is probably unfair and, and it, you don't deserve it, but try it. Barrett and then move through it and onto the next stage. And then someday you're going to have that in your back pocket. That moment, that built strength in you

[: 01:51:20

[01:51:25] Jeff Nesbitt: thank you that I wasn't even going there, but that's a much better point, actually.

[: 01:51:29

[01:51:30] Cindy Guzman: That's huge. That's that's what you went through is not your kid's fault. And you're just only continuing the trauma.

[: 01:51:37

[01:51:49] It's just like that stuff sticks with you because I know what shaped them. And I saw how I saw how it hurt them. I saw how even into their adult lives and even into now

[: 01:51:59

[01:52:05] I felt like I had to step up because I felt like, well, we didn't have a dad, you know, at that time, yes, we did have a dad. I have no correction. He was not present. He

[: 01:52:16

[01:52:17] Cindy Guzman: at the time. Yeah. So that's then I felt like I had a sub, I was angry at the world for so long and I didn't know why.

[: 01:52:25

[01:52:50] Yeah. There's no, I can't live in the past. If I'm trying to shoot for the future. I can't do

[: 01:52:55

[01:53:06] Cindy Guzman: Beautiful has to come from all of this. And I know it will. I really do. I have a strong, I have a, I'm at least hopeful. I'm optimistic and I've always been like that. I've always seen the beauty in

[: 01:53:16

[01:53:29] Cindy Guzman: happening for a reason don't know yet now, but it poly we'll see.

[: 01:53:33

[01:53:36] Jeff Nesbitt: knows the weirdest dog. There you go. That's what I was just going to say. That's the, that actually brings me peace. Because it means I don't have to look like I can accept something bad has happened to me and it's going to pay off in some way, shape or form in the future.

[: 01:53:52

[01:53:54] Cindy Guzman: Well, that's, that's it. That's what, that's the key to everything right now. So

[: 01:53:59

[01:54:02] Cindy Guzman: can do, you know, it will. And right now, like I said, you know, you don't see it, but you will live well.

[: 01:54:08

[01:54:27] And then some something about this transferred into the next generation. And somehow along the line, it creates this human that no human brain could have ever created

[: 01:54:37

[01:54:44] Jeff Nesbitt: never know what's really going on. Nope. We just got

[: 01:54:46

[01:54:46] Yeah, absolutely. So that's, that's what I've been dealing with these last 15 years, you know, just trying to learn to accept and learn day in, day out. [01:55:00] And it's been good. It's worked for me. So I know that it'll work. It

[: 01:55:04

[01:55:11] Cindy Guzman: and I will, you know, I've always thought about the bigger picture I do.

[: 01:55:15

[01:55:30] No, no,

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[01:55:36] Cindy Guzman: that sounds about, yeah, I think about, okay, well, you know, we need that. We need to have those moments where you live. You literally live that time and that day and you have fun and that's it. So, I mean, . They shouldn't always be work, work, work, work, work, work, work, people who are

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[01:56:00] And even if you have to spend money on having fun,

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[01:56:06] Jeff Nesbitt: No, it's not healthy. Your life will, will get worse.

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[01:56:18] Yeah. And

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[01:56:27] Cindy Guzman: that's why I'm embracing it. So when people say you are in trouble with 4k, no, I'm not. I know what, uh, and I've learned to accept it. I love it.

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[01:56:40] Jeff Nesbitt: So yeah. Yeah. It being really hard. It just makes it all that much more meaningful.

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[01:56:52] Let's do it.

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[01:57:02] Cindy Guzman: want to say everybody stay safe out there. Do what is best for you and yours and move forward..

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[01:57:12] Thank you so much for listening. If you want to support the show, go on over to patrion.com/ramble by the river. And as always, our episodes are . Bye

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